More Tea, Less Coffee

Yes, I am trying to cut down on coffee/caffeine and live a healthier lifestyle for myself. Last week I did not have much caffeine or coffee but come on my schedule was all out of wack anyway over Spring Break. But this week I have cut myself down to one cup of coffee or vanilla lathe a day. It makes me really cherish that cup of coffee though when I do get it, like this morning at about 9:00 I got a cup from McDonalds on the way to practicum. I feel like I am not doing too bad, and its been an empowering experience so far! I feel like I am gaining energy but at the same time still have minor headaches at times, and even after a full night of sleep I am still waking up exhausted! That is the part that really stinks, for example on Tuesday I am supposed ( supposed being the key word)at practicum by 9 every morning which means I need to leave here no late than lets say 8:05. Well Tuesday I woke-up at about 8:05, oh well! Then Wednesday I got to my 8:30 class at about 8:35 after waking up at like 7:50.
GRRRR!!!
But the good thing is that I have good tea, real tea from China and my friend this past Sunday gave me a whole bunch of Japanese goodies including green tea! I even bought a $6 tea kettle this week at Target, which makes me happy to add to my kitchen supplies. Which includes that is mine and not my roommates now a coffee maker, a tea kettle, and some tubberware. haha!

On a more serious note and that is practicum was crazy today! My fourth grade boys group which knows how to hit all my buttons was great fun today! I talked a lot of Spanish today in that group which could be good or bad. This week it has been good a bit because I have talked to them some about the new latest round of discriminatory mostly immigration reform bills. But my fourth grade boys group was crazy as always today and I separated the main one a little bit. But that really doesn't happen, this kid scares me a bit I think he might be already dealing drugs for the gangs, but have no way of knowing this for sure. He decided to really push the limit and be funny and started to sing the song "I'm in love with a stripper." Well I went over there kind of mad and started talking and then all of a sudden these words flew out of my mouth in a mean tone "Shut up!" I wish I could go back and change that one becuase the group went bizzarck because that is definitely something I am not supposed to say. He was like I am going to tell the principal. . . I apologized but was like whatever go ahead. The principal was having a crazy day too, so she would've been like whatever too! But I have to work on that and not let that happen again. . . I still have my fourth grade group probably at least another 2 or 3 times. Help me before I go crazy. . . No not really!

I have a job interview on Monday morning my first real option for having a job in the real world. Which has to happen my parents told me. But anyway I would or will be a case manager working with foster care children possibly being able to use my Spanish too and be beneficial. Not really my first choice for a job at this point, but you have to start somewhere, right?

God has really been doing a lot in my life lately. . . I am currently slowly memorizing Philippians which teaches a person a lot in in itself. I almost got the first chapter taken care of. Part of it is influenced by this awesome book I am reading right now that everyone should read called The Heavenly Man: the remarkable true story of Chinese Christian Brother Yun. Its like reading the book of Acts but in the current time and in China. But this man talks about how Bibles were and can be scarce in CHina and that the people just eat the Word up. He would memorize like whole chapters in a day or even books. Its amazing. . . but at the same time I am like what if in my lifetime the government makes it illegal to own a Bible or they become scare or something. How am I going to know what it says if its not in front of me. . . I need to memorize the Word and store it in my Heart for use! Just a thought that I have been taking seriously lately.


Okay thats all!

Miami & so much More

Yes, as many of you know this last week I went to Miami for Spring Break with six other people and for the first half there was seven of us (4 girls, and 3 guys.) I do not know where to begin but lets just say Spring Break was good and fulfilled its purpose of getting away from school. At the same time, however it was not everything I hoped it to be in my wildest imagination!

Some things that I dreamed of doing in Miami:
1. Meeting the Latina of my dreams, who speaks some English but mostly Spanish with a strong accent and a gorgeous body of course while all the while meeting my specific guidlines.

2. I was going to see the headquarters of Univision and walk in and expect to have a nice discussion with Jorge Ramos, who I happen to think would be a very useful and interesting man to know.
3. I was going to buy lots of expensive clothing that is unique and highly fashionable (I actually did this some).
4. I was going to have many wonderful opportunities to communicate with people in Spanish (again some and it was good experiences, but everyone was suprised when me a White kid spoke Spanish.)
5. That the hotel was going to be some amazing, comfortable, accomodating room for at least six people (maybe 4 at the maximum).
6. I thought surely I will get a long with everyone and we will all become best friends through the trip and it would be the best thing ever (okay once again in some ways yes this happened, just not for me personally as big as everyone else involved, which sucks)

Okay so we arrived in Miami on Monday and waited at the airport for like an hour outside for the city bus to take us to our hotel with all of our luggage. What?! I have never had to do that and was not happy and then get on a bus that took an hour and a half to get to the hotel all to save money for the price of $2. Okay, it was cheap but I was a bit tired and frustrated! I learn more and more that I am sometimes selfious and snobby even if it doesn't come out thats how I am acting on the inside when I am like "I am too good for this!" Not everyone has lived a life of relative privelage like I have. And the hotel let me tell you was not that impressive for the suite that I thought it would be (one sink, one shower and toilet a room with the bed, a couch some tables, and a small small kitchen area.) Another thing is too that I was not a huge fan of was buying food from the grocery store and taking a lot of time to cook half-descent food in my opinion to save money.) Not that I had a lot either. . . but obviously I am amazed everytime when I go on vacations with my friends how different it is from what I have experienced on vacations with my family. This is both good and bad. . . but right now Spring Break is probably the last vacation I'll have for a long time or the last time I'll have 10 days off for years especiallyas a social worker.

What else? The first three nights we went out (like as in clubs with dancing and stuff) pretty hard! Personally I am not a big fan of clubs with the loud music, the dancing that happens there, and the overpriced prices to get in (like $20 minimum in Miami) unless its like a sals club maybe. But anyway. . . after the first night of being out till 3 or 4 I was done of walking to catch a bus, walking some more to find a club and then whatever. I am the type of person that would much rather go out with a group of friends and have drinks or a bottle of wine with music in the background and talk. But anyway, I made that fun the best I could anyway without really getting sick of it and blowing up, I almost didn't go out the second night. But that night we didn't go to bed because we went to the hot tub and talked and that was very nice and then went to the beach for the sun rise and to hang out in the ocean. This was really fun except we didn't actually see the sun because of clouds. . . but it was a lot of fun and a wonderful experience!

So, the people I went with let me describe them to you in a short synapsis:
Zee - a guy my age from Zimbabwa, Black pretty cool guy
T - an African American guy my age
M - my collegue at practicum that I know through church, has some issues because just broke within last year from everything she has ever known in the German Babtist Church.
Chea - White girl my age, but at the clubs "dances like a Black girl"
Nat - an African American girl, two years younger than me
Merry - the girl that stayed with us for the first half, two years younger than me a tall beautiful burnette white girl that looks like a model

Okay, just to clarify I am not a racist or trying to imply that race is the sole purpose for everything I am going to explain from this point on. I just feel like its important to make known becuase it might have contributed to how the group dynamics worked in my opinion.

My biggest thing is for a group of people like this and especially people that I do not know the best its hard for me to open up right away and tell my whole life story and all of that. I have to get a feel of the situation and then decide what I want to tell, but I do not like people telling maybe that sometimes it just feels like you are trying to isolate yourself from the group. Okay, when the whole group is bonding and having this amazing time together except for me for whatever reasons I have I feel kind of isolated too. Realizing that a lot of it is up to me, but anyway my apperance of trying to isolate myself might not be really what is happening. For me I like to see new things, and gain my own knowledge and truths sometimes and do not like maybe always having to talk or be around you. My friends know that once I get to know you and am comfortable its hard to get me to shut up, but in this situation it was tough for me in some regards. I felt like a lot of the time the group had this strong sense of Black culture even the White girls because that is who they are and they are knowledegable in that. I think thats awesome, but for me I am all about the Hispanic culture. So maybe if the group was mainly Hispanics maybe it would have been different and they would've felt more insecure. But for example I would get on the bus sometimes when we were going somewhere and would sit a little bit away from the rest of the group. Then attempt to listen and talk to some of the people on the bus in SPanish and all of that you know that sort of thing. . . and then later that night one guy was like I felt like you were trying to isolate yourself. I don't know what to say, but the rest of them have this strong bond of family and like it was the best trip ever blah blah blah and I am like in some regards it was only okay. I wanted to do more than the typical college Spring Break of clubbing at night, staying up late and sleeping intil 1 every day, always being loud and obnoxious as a group walking down the street that sort of thing. But a lot of that is how I was brought up and my background too, even my heritage in being Polish who knows, but I know a lot of it is me! I just might not of had the great time as the rest of them because mainly the focus was to stay with the group and I was not the majority. Like going to the clubs, or watching and waiting for people to get tatoos or whatever. I wanted to get to know the city more on a real level, the culture, the people, the stories, etc. . that is what I am interested in but that does not fit the typical Spring Break though does it. It still could have been fun!

I did manage to do some high end shopping though around South Beach which I loved! I bought a couple of things, and White seems to be the in color for Spring according to me this year by the things I bought! I would love to find a job down in Miami and live and work down there for a while.

One day we did go see the movie V for Vendetta and I have to say I really liked it! There were so many real emotions there that I felt it was unbelievable. As much as that movie is fiction I couldn't help but see a lot of those things happening in our world, or realistically that we or the US in particular is going down some of those paths. The whole idea that living in fear is oppressive especially when the masses are afraid and go down anyway that looks good, but really is bad upon further examination. But maybe we never really see it as bad because it numbed the fear and through being oppressed we cannot see any different. How scary! I would suggest anyone interested at all in this type of movie should see it. And I must say that the character V as freaky as he was; it took him to create the revolution or the final product at the end of the movie. WOW!

Okay, so I am really tired and will not type any further for the moment. I didn't sleep at all last night because we had to leave the hotel by 4:00 AM to try to catch a bus. There are no buses in the morning and then crammed six of us with all of our luggage in a taxi van with barely enough money to pay. Another thing that I don't think the group planned the best or thought about, but then again I didn't think the group really listened to me all that much! I really did have a good job in my own unique way I am sure and did enjoy getting to know everyone, just not in the same ways. I hope this makes sense to everyone who reads this if not. . . ask me, or call me or something.

Countries I would like to Visit (no particular order or is there)
1. Spain
2. Argentina
3. Peru
4. Guatemala (otra vez)
5. Japan
6. China
7. Mexico
8. Italy
9. Poland
10. Estonia
11. Russia
12. South Africa
13. Costa Rica
14. Chile
15. France
16. Austrailia
17. Austria
18. Germany
19. Ireland
20. Monaco

Okay, I think that is the top 20 as of right now. . . anyone want to buy me plane tickets for graduation, hehe!

But really I am leaving for Miami for a week on Monday morning for Spring Break! And right now I can't really complain becuase I haven't had to pay for a thing, and my parents even gave me money to spend. My grandma who has cancer right now really rough, sent me a check for $100 too. How sweet. . . I pray for healing. But no I cannot wait for Miami the beach, the weather, the pretty girls (maybe), the food, shopping, everything! I feel like I am going to get there and its going to fly by and then I am not going to want to come back!

And then two weeks from Monday I have a job interview in the big city where my pracitcum is (yeah that one). Its for a case management position working with kids in the foster care system. I don't know if I am too excited or not, but you have to start somewhere right. . . so maybe I won't get out of this area right away. . . okay. We'll see. . .I did e-mail a cover letter and resume for a job in Phoenix that sounded like what I want to do exactly, but probably nothing will come out of that. I am going to be poor either way you look at it after graduation for the rest of my life, haha!

On to my love life. . . which I am sure you all are excited to read about how boring it is. Actually, there is a girl that I know from Nation 2' Nation, and the ministry that I am involved in and she is about my age from Malaysia. She is very nice and outgoing. . .well we have been talking more lately. We had a three hour lunch more or less on Monday since we had the day off since campus was closed after the tornado. Well, we've been talking, and e-mails and just you know. . . talking. But the thing is tthat after this week I have come to the point where she isn't the girl for me in that sense. Like she is an awesome woman of God, very friendly, outgoing, but thats about it there is no sparks or anything flying ther for me. I mean don't get me wrong she is cute, but thats about all I can say. (ANd she won't be reading this just so you all know.) And certain aspects of her personality don't align with me either, but I do enjoy hanging out with her. I'll just have to be careful so she doesn't think I am leading her on or something.

Pensamientos

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Poema 20 - Pablo Neruda

Me gusta Poema 20 mucho y en esta noche especialmente estas lineas. Yo leo y pienso que es mis sentimientos. Bueno, estas lineas dicen muchas cosas a mi. Ellos me ayudan saber que otras personas han sentido el mismo como yo. . . .y otras personas sentiran el mismo en el futuro.

Si, estoy contento con mi vida ahora. . . ya estoy mejor que mi ultimo post. Hoy yo fui para almuezo con una amiga. Ella es de Malaysia, nosotros hablamos por tres horas mas o menos. Nosotros placticabamos en muchas cosas; mi vida, su vida, el futuro, fue bien.

Yo voy a Miami en seis dias para el Spring Break! Yeah, no puedo esperar estar alli en la playa!

Life Update.

Okay, so this week went from one extreme to the other it seemed like. Some of you who have read my previous post know what the one extreme was over and when it was. But I have to say the week got better and better after Monday night. Which is always good. . . and now I don't feel that much hurt or loss over anything at all. Which could be a good sign that yes I am doing the right thing by not saying anything and just being content as friends. If my feelings that I had on Monday were real and that strong maybe I would be majorly depressed by now and had no clue how to live my life without her. Which is probably a good sign and a reality check that maybe I am holding onto an idea and not the real thing, true love anymore. Yes, there will always be a special place in my heart for her. . . but what can I say?

Practicum went well this week. . . I am busier than ever with it but it keeps me going and working on goals with students or whatever it is that needs to get done. This weekend I have to come up with something to do in group for the topic of peer pressure. I am wacking my brain trying to think of what to do!

I am finding more and more and over and over again that God cares and wants the best for me! Rigtht now I am trying to memorize Ephasians. . . I have the last part of chapter 6 pretty much down I think, but now I want to try to get the whole book squared away. Last year I had the whole first chapter down, but I have to rememorize it. I want God's words imprinted in me which is good, but also something else to have in there to maybe help me control all the other junk thats swinging around in my mind. Then at he ministry I go to on Thursday night they were finishing up the series Sexual Revolution which was good. But Thursday the issue was dating and marraige, but in a good way. It wasn't like this is how all Christians should do it and if they don't do it this way then well we condemn you. The guy started off with you know how he doesn't know where everyone is as far as their journey, but he said, "some of you in your lives right now need to be praying for God to bring your future spouse to you." I looked at the person beside me and waws like "no way" I am not ready for that. For some reason I haven't got that out of my head and am thinking through it and see what I am supposed to get out of that sentence that I can't dismiss. Then he talked about the idea about how many Christians pray for God to prepare their future spouse for them and protect them so fourth until the proper time. Which is all good and everything, but shouldn't we be saying to God "prepare me and help me to protect my heart to be the future husband and dad I am going to be someday." This blew me away, but it is good and makes sense.. . . yes God we want you to prepare us to be worthy as a husband or wife and not you make a person worthy to be with us! He also talked about that if we are truly and totally following God then we shouldn't be looking for our spouse. God knows who it will be and if we focus on Him and work on our current relationships with believers God's going to take care of us. Who are we to say, "Hey God we love you and trust you with everything, but then say but in this area of my life I will find the person for me!"? I mean if you think of it like that what kind of thinking is that to tell God one thing and then do another. . . but how true is that for everyone of us in some aspect of our lives. That we say, "God you take control, except for this becaue I know better for me!" And we hear this so many times, but really this is our reality as humans always wanting to have control of something or someone.

Tonight I went to Nation 2' Nation and I took Alfajors Havanna in a box for people because I think they are too sweet. I saved two for me, but I took them tonight and people loved them. Esepecially the Latinos, a couple from Bolivia was like where did you get this? These are the best! My dad gave them to me he got them from his business partners from Argentina. But anyway Nation 2'Nation is fun because its international students and we eat good food and usually play games and talk. I had fun. . . but my Spanish stunk even my English. I was trying to talk the Bolivian couple and I couldn't talk or talk that well. Next week I would like to impress them and just use Spanish. It was a bit frustrating tonight, but there is always next week another day! Tonight I was pretty tired and my mind is a little bit sapped from this week and conversation groups and classes all day today trying to help students with English. Especially when it is basic English with Japanese students who are here for three weeks. Its fun, but my mind like shuts down after a while even in English, but I love it! Its crazy but I get language fatigue in English just from using all my resources to try to explain something or concentrating on it for so long. Listening is also a key because you have to be able to hear well to understand people. A Korean girl told me tonight that I talk like an "English teacher" that was a nice compliment. I think that a lot of international students think this too, but my English is really not that great. . . its funny that international students can understand me so much better than Americans. But I know why. . . I guess its good and I have no problems telling people this is how I talk so get used to it so you can understand me just don't make fun of me or act like I have a problem (which I have gotten from Americans before).

Tomorrow I am going with some international students all day to the Tallgrass Prarie Park to hike. I get to drive a van on a two hour trip each way. . . looking forward to it, but no it will be fun. The Japanese students love me. . . The French. . . well where to start with them, but they are nice too.

Crazy like an Eerie Circus Clown.

Yeah, thats me. . . it has got to be that wacko. At this rate I am heading towards a mental breakdown by graduation! (Everyone please let me know when this works with everyone's schedules so you can all come and visit me at the hospital.) Sometimes I just wish everything and everyone arounnd me would just stop and leave me to breath, relax, and catch up. This stage right now in my life seems to be the most demanding, challenging, and scary all at once and somehow I have got to survive and make it through it. Which I will, not sure if I'll be sane by the end. . . but really what is sane? I have to keep trusting God and realize He wants the best for me in life, He doesn't want to cause more harm or pain than what I already put on myself. haha! Maybe this paragraph is a little bit dramatic. . . which I am sure it is but it sure can feel like that sometimes.

So, this weekend I went home. . . well I did Saturday morning and left again today (Monday morning) it was a very fast trip! I really wanted to stay for a couple of more days to relax, but once again life is too demanding right now. I got my haircut and saw the family. The family is doing okay and it was good to see them and hang out with them. Family is becoming more and more important to me in my life as I get older is this common or just part of my craziness?

I was supposed to hang out with my friend from Dallas. . . and we talked several times on the phone. I thought she was going to come over to my house and watch the Oscars with my family. But she is very undecisive and a lot of things going on. . . we talked for about twenty minutes through her undecisveness until I thought I had her coming. Saying things like, "Just come, I would really like to see you, you know that" of course many times to prove the point. Well she ended up calling her mom and she reminded her saying that she was at home for her dad's birthday today (I can't argue with that). So, she didn't come. Well, we had a backup plan that we agreed on to have breakfast this morning in my town whcih she wanted. But then she had to take her car to the shop this morning in her town, so we agreed that I would leave home earlier to meet her up in her town for breakfast. Okay, so this morning I drove up to see her and we had coffee and a muffin and talked for about forty-five minutes. So, we talked and she apologized for being a bad friend about this weekend and all. She talked about how I can always follow her to Florida after graduation, etc. talked about stuff you know. We are going to hang out Friday of Easter weekend. She values our friendship, I can tell that and wants to hang out. But to be honest with you I still like her after a long friendship with a history of dating/hanging out and have had a couple of talks in the past about us. But lately I have felt like she is thinking differently about us or doesn't know what she wants or maybe I have been hanging out with her too much. Maybe its both of our faults for letting the friendship grtow too close or something. So, I left her town this morning feeling like I am about to burst soon if I don't tell her how I feel again and find out how she feels. But I don't want to ruin the friendship. But still I had all these crazy ideas about what to do. . . like get her address and send her the DVD Pride and Prejudice because we saw it together with a box of browny mix in the mail. Then send her some other things, etc. for her to get the picture. I was even praying for God to let me know and maybe my feelings and what I want took over way too prematurely on the way back up. I am out of things to say (and if she reads this, which I don't think she does I really don't care.) But then after thinking, thinking, I completely opened up to another friend that shall reamain nameless too via computer. Pretty much maybe she was more of a voice of reason. . . finally got her to state her opinion. . .don't do anything or say anything. "It sounds like you have got a good friendship going, its been a long time, and maybe you should move on." Yes, so I don't think I am going to do anything about it and let time move on especially as it will move on at a completely different and faster speed after graduation I am sure. But I have to say it hurts, and it kind of hurts pretty bad right now. I don't know. . . but right now I feel like a fool and an idiot for lettting myself go this far. One way love is horrible, it isn't even real love because real love goes both ways; you love the person and the person loves you. FRIENDSHIP. . . its hard to find good honest friends so I need to count the blessings I guess and just roll with it for however long this one continues, hopefully for life. It hurts, but maybe this is finally the turning point I need to maybe move on for good or maybe not, and I'll continue to be a big fat loser!

Yeah, and Related tonight one of the shows I like to watch at the current time did not help me feel any better tonight. The sad part is that I can relate to some of the characters in some miniscule ways, which definately did not help tonight. Oh well

But yeah did I mention that life is crazy busy too. . . not necessarily with school but work, practicum, trying to figure out what to do with my life. Everything seems to be magnified 100X this semester and its awful! A little disclaimer by the way I don't care who reads my blog or who you are, but it remains okay as long as everything remains absolutely anonymous even in your posts or comments. I do not mind being completely honest here because I see it as my testimony to who I am and my life and its real. I hope everything will respect that and also on a lighter note uses it to keep up with me since I can't talk to you all individually everyday.

Ups and Downs.

So, this week has felt like riding a roller-coaster in some ways. . . I am not sure if I can really explain it, but I can try by going through a synapsis of the week day by day.

Monday
I had two conversation groups, a one-on-one English tutorial time with a young man from China, and a conversation class with students from Sauida Arabia at a basic English level. And in the middle of all of that I had lunch with my friend from Costa Rica and todo fue en espanol. But I love my job with the Applied English Center and doing what I do with international students. But in my last time slot of the day at 3:00-3:50 is my conversation class with the Saudis. Let me tell you I was tired physically and more importantly my mind was exhausted from all the thinking in language stuff. Well, on top of that it was basic English, slow talking all of those things and in the middle of talking with them I somehow zoned out. I was trying to explain some basic concept and then some others were talking in Arabic at the same time to explain the concept too. Well, somehow in all of this mess my mind said, "No More!" and completely went somewhere else for a second. Like I was all the way out, I had the dazed and confused look on my face, I am sure they thought something went a little cuckoo up there in the head! But at the same time all of my work with international students is very rewarding. . . they all are very friendly and thankful which tends to help you think, "yes maybe I am actually helping them in some small way."

My dad told me on the phone this night that he thinks I am making a mistake by not going to get my masters right away. Which I kind of knew thats how he felt, but if he thought I would change my mind its a little late for that now to go to school somewhere next year. GRRR!

Tuesday
I had practicum of course with my kiddos in the elementary school. The day just flew by because the whole time I was working with the kids, or in some form within direct contact with people. Which is the best in my opinion. . . the paperwork is the part Icould do without sometimes, but its important nonetheless. I had four groups and this week all we did was read a book about telling the truth and talked about it. One of my kids on Tuesday signed his name with a nickname and ended up taking this issue to the principal's office becuase it was kind of gang looking related and we don't tolerate it. The situation with him is kind of sad, because he likes me I can tell but in front of everyone else because of what he has been taught he can't like me. Part of it is because I am not Hispanic. . . which is a racist attitude which he admits to that he is like this sometimes. And he is only in fifth grade! Then my individual time with a kid that I meet with after school in fourth grade brought back the notebook I gave him the week before. The purpose of the notebook is to create a better communication system with the mom since she only knows Spanish and doesn't really say much to me anyway. Well, she did it and I could read it for the most part but her written Spanish is horrible! The grammar, mispelled words and words stuck together thatare not supposed to be like in this sentence, or words that have huge spaces in the mi ddle of them. Why am I not suprised and I just have to look at this as a strength still that the mother is willing to try this with me. I didn't eat lunch on this day.

Tuesday night I went with three of the Japanese students that I know from Kanagawra out to eat. They are a group that is here for a week and actually leave early tomorrow morning. But we went to eat at a Steak place and I ate all of this huge meal and of course they didn't eat all of it. I felt like a pig! Then we went to Best Buy becuase they wanted to go. . . I ended up buying two DVDs; The Constant Gardener, and Spirited Away a Japanese anime movie that is supposed to be good. I have never watched anime in my life. . . so we'll see when I get the time to watch it. It was a good night as usual with them talking and helping them with their English.

After this I called my friend in Massachusetts who called me earlier when I was busy. We talked and he is doing a lot better, which is good to hear but still hates Massachusetts his home state. They (him and my other good friend) are going to probably move back to the area this summer after they get married. We talked about everything in his life, how my life is going. . . talked about my futrure and how I don't know whats going to happen, but I am okay and all of that. Then we talked about the wedding coming up and how I am going to get there and the details and all of that stuff and that was a bit confusing. So needless to say after that conversation I felt very overwhelmed and anxious, but not becuase of him or what he said but what it triggered in me. All of those what if questions and thinking about the future. . . I am still dealing as you can see. And I had to finish a paper that night and it was already like 10:30 for my class at 8 in the morning. That paper was coming up with a group plan to be implemented in a VA setting, but other than that I had to create everything else. It was challenging but I finished it, but not before another person called me in the BSW Student Group. I am a co-director of communications and she is the other co-director to remind me about the meeting on Wednesday night and say that she would be turning in her resignation letter. Well, there is a lot of work this semester as far as that, so I was like great timing and felt even more overwhelmed. Somehow I finished the paper and was not anywhere close to sleeping, but my mind was crazy and done. It seemed like everything was too much and coming at me way too fast! THEN. .. there is an e-mail in my indbox from my teacher in the morning class saying that class is cancelled! Praise God! But she cancelled it because her two year old daughter is really sick with a retrovirus probably and was in and out of the hospital for tests and such. I hope her daughter is doing better now! Then I finally went to bed. . .

Wednesday
Didn't get out of bed until like 10 in the morning and somehow still managed to be late for the 12:30 class. But that morning was such a time for me to think and get things clear and somewhat back to normal and that was amazing! I was also called that morning by an agency that I applied for a case management position in the nearby metro. area to set-up an interview. Its on Monday April 3. Its not exactly my dream job working as a case manager in the foster care system, but I love kids and you have to start somewhere right? Its kind of exciting. . .that this could be the job to get things started and its close by. . . which is practical for now I guess.

My policy class we watched the movie Store Wars about Walmart and its cooperation. I kind of decided that for moral and ethical reasons I am not about to take any job for that company even if its the best job/offer I get. My last class, Ethics was boring as usual I like the teacher but its so late in the day and we all are seniors in our last semester, Hello! Then I went to the meeting and earlier that day my co-director of communication told me to forget the conversation from the night before, Halleluah! God was really helping me out here. . . and that just assured me in more that I need to trust Him and go to Him like I did earlier that morning and then He'll take care of stuff! Amen! That was that day in a nut shell

I also watched The Constant Gardener later that night. . . and let me tell you I liked that movie. It is about Africa, big pharmacetical companies, spying, and murder. It was excellent and is deep and challenges people's mind-sets about Africa, drug companies, political things. Thats the kind of movie I like!

Thursday
Practicum again, and nothing huge or big to talk about really there. They had the Black History Month programs that morning and the kids did well. I cannot take my fourth grade boys group anymore, and its soley becaue two out of the six totally change the dynamics of it in a negative way when they happen to be there! GRRR!

Then later that night I went to a Better Than Ezra concert with some friends. That was fun, but I was tired after that of course from standing on my feet the whole time and couldn't hear much because of the volume.

Friday
This morning I had two conversation classes with a new group of Japanese Students from Meikai University. They were all very nice and talkative and seemed to like me of course. I had fun, and I like Japanese students in general. Then I read the New York Times a bit and went to lunch with a friend. Then had to be back for a conversation group at 1:00 which was kind of fun, we played pictionary today and the other leader is cool but kind of crazy sometimes. I like her, but I don't know sometimes I feel like its just "Its Friday lets half-ass it!" Then I went to a bookstore with the same friend I went to lunch with after that and bought a book called The Heavenly Man, its about the remarkable true story of Chinese Christian Brother Yun. ANd I have to say its really good so far! Then I came back here to pack before I go home in the morning and made my bed and walked the dog. Everyday things that needed to be done.

Then I went to dinner with my conversation partner from China at around 5 and ate a ton. We had a good conversation and really value my close friendship with him in many ways. Then I had to be at a place on campus or very close to campus for the AEC farewell party for the Kanagawra students from Japan. Which made me sad and they were all sad. . . but it was fun too talking and taking pictures with them and watching the slide show. ANd of course good eats, after I ate too much at dinner. Then about 10:00 I went with another Japanese students who attended the party too to go to Nation 2'Nation. We talked about Christianity on the way there which was awesome because I got to share a little about about what my faith is and stuff. She isn't really a Christian yet she doesn't think, but goes to church, the Bible Study, etc.,etc. It was pretty cool, but she is already pretty open about religion and stuff. But I think she needs to hear it from as many Christians as possible. Nation 2'Nation was fun of course, and then I learned how to play Spades later. I left there about midnight. . . oh so late!

And I am going to try to leave in the morning no later than 8 or 8:30 for home for a couple of days until Monday morning.

SO MUCH!