My Reality

Okay, so today its snowing again here. . . and we are supposed to have 3-5 inches of the white stuff by tomorrow. Its pretty I guess, but I am still not a fan of winter and I am ready to move to the coast somewhere in South America. But today I managed to stay at home and have a lovely time.

I only have one day of my practicum left on Tuesday and then I am done for the semester. I think I managed to get straight A's this semester. I got a 19.8 out of 20 on my Comparative Policy/Program Framework paper which I thought was kind of hard. I felt pretty good about that. Last night I went to a coffee shop with one of my friends in this quiet college town since a lot of students moved out since yesterday was the last day of finals. We sat there and I had a nice vanilla latte and read a book for about an hour or so. I am starting to read The Fountainhead for like the umpeith time since my senior year of high school. I have vowed to read it to the end this time though, it really is an interesting read I guess. I don't know if its Ayn Rand's philosophy, writing, or her characters that give me the eerie creepy feeling the most. I like some of the points, but then at other times I am like wow. . . some viewpoints we hav here.

Okay back to today. . .I woke-up and watched the regular Saturday morning shows like I usually do when I can like a ten year old boy. I watch Thats so Raven, The Suite Life of Zach and Cody, and Phil of the Future. Phil of the Future is defantely my favorite because didn't every guy want to be that cool? Okay then I read some of my book and even took the dog Bear out for a walk in the snow. I watched the movie House of Flying Daggers that one of my friend's from China gave me for Christmas. I think its a beautiful movie and pretty cool!

Then I got to cook the chicken I had marinating in the refegirator from yesterday. Pollo Rio Negro, it was chicken breast marinating in some white wine, carrots, onion, rosemary, bay leaf, and salt and pepper of course on the chicken. Sound delicious doesn't it, you should've smelled it while it was in the oven. Then I made a sauce with lemon juice, water, sugar, and grated apple to put on top and to cook on top of the chicken to make it brown. Wow! I am going to have to make this more often and I ate it with the chicken in a bowl and all the juice like a soup or something. And then had a glass of the same white wine I used to marinate it with for my drink. Okay I am not a vulgar person or anything, but the perfect romantic meal includes something like I cooked tonight. For example, the food was good but it made me so hot that I took off my shirt to eat it. What can I say if you are with that special person. . . and you are looking for a night of passion then cook something tasty and warm that will taste good and make people want to take clothes off go for it! Who needs afrodisiacs? Okay, enough about that little thing about food, but food has the potential to hold a lot of power in positive and negative ways. I like to think about wonderful food and the taste and everything it can do.

Wow! I just realized what a change this is from my last post about how food is evil and I don't want to get fat. . . that was a little bit exaggerated if you know me because I am really skinny. I ran Friday morning though and let me tell you that was a reality check. I am so far out of shape. . . I had to stop and walk up half of a hill on one of the streets. It wasn't even really that long of a run in the first place.

So, I talked to my dad today. My grandma (his mom) is in the hospital they went in and had suregery on her and looked inside behind her stomach. They are pretty sure she has cancer but thinks its isolated or at least hope it hasn't spread to the bones. If it has the prognosis isn't that great for her, but she'll most likely start radiation on Monday. I do not know really what to think she is a great Christian lady, but at the same time has never been that close to us. She never calls and sometimes doesn't act like she wants to see us. My mom has the stomach flue and has been sick for like a week now. I am not sure if the kitchen is done yet in the house yet, and I am pretty sure no one is done with Christmas shopping, inclding me. My mom's parents are going to come down on Christmas day I guess and stay maybe until New Years. How wacky is my family and my extended family getting to be at times.

Okay thats about it all I am going to write now. . . I am going to watch The Sound of Music tonight on TV. I really like that movie but haven't seen it in a long time.

Blogging instead of finishing my paper.

Yeah, I have a paper due on Wednesday at noon that I am almost done with, but am blogging instead of finishing it! Actually this paper has been a big bad b***h in my life lately. . . its the last one of the semester and I am just done with it. Its worth 30% of my grade so I kind of have to finish the thing. I am on the last section too, but the thing is I feel like I have followed the outline given, but not really. Its about a client of mine and the practice model I am using backed up with research (that section is questionable), an ethical issue that could possibly arise from the situation with research, and differences between me and the client with research backing this up, and then finally application to the function of the agency and changes I would like to make. 10-12 pages that I keep putting off as long as possible. . . !!!

By the way I went to the school today with my other social work student collegue. We did some stuff like worked on documentation our group plans and stuff for next year. We got stuff for the group Christmas parties this week and next. . . oh how fun that will be. Then we started brainstorming ideas for groups next semester. . . but we have time to work on it. Like the three weeks I will be there before classes start and we can meet on a day that we are both off and do it over coffee. My field instructor actually seems to be working a lot more lately and being more motivated about her job, this is kind of exciting! The other student and I still have our reserves about if this is going to carry through til May or not. We decided that we almost need to be like God and forget the past and forgive her for all the injustices she has caused us and hope this continues.

Also, today I actually thought about my future after graduation in a realistic way and also without any real anxiety problems arising. I was talking to my field instructor about this and how I want to work with immigrants and stuff like that where I can use my Spanish. She knows my dad is working in Northwest Arkansas right now an area that is booming, and her brother is a doctor there. Its supposed to be the next Dallas/Fort Worth area in the future from what everyone is saying, it is growing fast! Walmart is there as many of you know and they recently have demanded that all the companies that they do business with or buy products from need to be close to them. This means that a lot of companies are moving offices and headquarters and stuff like that and with it comes the people and money and everything else. Plus Tyson Chicken is in the area and they hire mass quantities of migrant workers. My dad has a lot of connections too so I e-mailed him to see what he would say about working down there. He e-mailed me back and was like I could so get you in at Walmart or Tyson. I was like okay, but I really don't want to have a job because my rich daddy got it for me. So he is going to get some information for me and places that I could possibly send my resume too. This is me really being realistic and thinking about what I can do and what I might be doing and where I might want to go. This would defenately be a safe bet probably. . . maybe I need to be close to my family with money for a while, while I adjust to making off of $25,000 - 30,000 a year for the rest of my life at least until I get married if I do. . .?

Right now it has been cold up here and Kansas lately. . . last week we got all that snow as you know. I had a snow day which was good because I finished my policy paper then. But lately I have been eating a lot and drinking lots of coffee. Like the caffeine addiction is bad right now I feel like, but the eating thing is good. . . I guess. Except I think I am gaining weight no one else has seemed to notice or said anything without me bringing it up in a joke or something. But the worst thing is besides taking Bear, the dog, out and her making me run I haven't had time or wanted to go out and run since its so cold. I feel like my stomach or my gut is out there more and I don't like the idea of having a stomach. I have never equated gaining weight as a good thing. . . . I mean a part of me has always known I am really skinny and I should gain weight, but I almost like being that skinny. Okay, before some of you like start to worry about me and think I am going to start doing unhealthy things like some of you know I have done in the past, don't worry! I just don't want to wake-up one morning when I am 30 and I am fat and its because I let it all go down hill my senior year of college, thats all I am saying. I am going to try to start running more I think.

I think that is it for me now. . . I'll try to work on my paper some more I guess and then off to bed because I have to go to internship tomorrow too! 3 days this week!

Snow and the End of a Semester

Okay, so today I woke-up at about 6:45 and it was already snowing and there was snow on the roads an all that stuff. And to top it all off its been like 9, 10, 11 degrees outside for the past two or three days and is supposed to continue for at least another day or two. I think the snow would be more bearable if it wasn't so cold! Needless, to say I had to get up and drive to class this morning and the weather event.

Classes went okay today. . . .the last day for this semester. One more semester left, I don't know what to say or think? My practice class we wrapped up a discussion on family dynamics when one member has a substance abuse problem. We also passed around a box with different items in it and picked one out as a symbol to talk about and how it relates to our lives. I picked out something that looked the nicest and maybe the most expensive. I talked about how money seems to be very important in my family and its value. Then in the end she passed out an acorn seed to each of us and we talked aobut the possible meanings of that with one semester left. The rest of the day went okay, my policy teacher brought food and then in my last class I gave a small and easy presentation about one of the papers I wrote. So, I am pretty much done for this semester I have my Comparative Policy/Program Analysis Paper due Sunday via e-mail. A paper that has a lot of critical thinking involved on something that is already critical thinking. Lastly, I have an application paper due for my practice class due by Monday that isn't small. Great fun as always and learning a lot!

By the way note from the author I will not be going to my practicum tomorrow due to the weather and I am tired ~ haha! Actually I think its going to be a snow day tomorrow anyway. I'll sleep in and work on papers some and do other fun things here at home, looking forward to the free day!

Thats about it for now. . . I guess I just thought I would update the blog and tell you all whats going on.

Just want to Vent for a Minute of your Time

Okay, so today I had classes. . . which were okay. I was half a sleep in my morning class, which is normal but still get a lot out of it since its practice. Then in my policy class we got out early but listened to some more people talk about thier social problem papers. Todays topics included things like: Absense of Fathers, Homelessness and Mental Health, Women in Poverty and Healthcare, Gangs, etc. Very interesting! Then in my last class I listened to some people give presentations over their papers, I go next week.

For this semester I still have a paper due in Policy that is a Comparative Policy/Program Analysis Paper yeah I can't wait to make time to do it! For my practice class I have to finish reading a book and then write a reaction paper over that and two movies that I watched about a population that I have a bias against. Also, in that class I have a 10-12 page Application Paper due which I have to do a little bit of research for. Okay, so thats not a lot I understand that and I am sure some of you are like what the hell is he complaining about?! Plus, my practicum goes until I believe my last day will be Tuesday December 20, which is kind of late. And I have to start that back up the week of January 4th, welcome to the real world kind of. . .

Tonight I had a small anxiety attack when I got home because I decided to be adventurous and go the World Bank's website. I have thought about maybe trying to get a job for them and work internationally for a couple of years or something. Well that ended up being a stressful situation because basically what I could apply for is the Junior Professional Associates Program. Their elegibility requirements are insane, and I was like I am not sure if I would even get accepted or asked for an interview or something. Plus, it says they provide benefits for two years, but nothing about getting paid for it. I e-mailed my dad to ask about this and see if he could get in touch with his connections in that area maybe someone I could ask more questions to. My dad was like you could always get your license and sell real estate because Spanish is in big need for that. I was like good thing I am getting a degree in social work then and spending all that money for college, haha! Needless to say everything about my future at this point makes me very stressed and induces I would almost call them small anxiety attacks. I mean I am graduating in May, which is approaching fast and I am only freaking out more as the months wear on and I have no idea what I am going to be doing! So, after this little episode my night has been okay but definately not as relaxing since this. . .

I watched Piel de Otono on TV the telenovela I am watching right now. I like it a lot, but there is a lot of stressful situations on that show and I am like some of these people need help or a social worker! This is what I do when I read books or watch TV now I am always like if I was this person's social worker, we would try to work on this. But once again thats totally off because as a social worker I don't just go up to people and be like, "I am a social worker, lets work on this." No, clients come to you most of the time you can't just go up to people and be like you need this help.

I also finished Sense and Sensibility and definately the second time around was enjoyable. I liked the story and at times it was kind of funny! I will start Pride and Prejudice now I guess.
What a weird kick I am on right now as far as what I want to read.

Okay, so the big thing tonight was about what to do for dinner because as you see right now here I pretty much only have noodles. I know I need to go to the grocery store, but I really don't like to go there. Tonight I wanted to have a friend and talk and go to dinner with someone after my small anxiety attack and just sit and eat. Well, everyone had already ate, busy, or whatever. I was calling people that I would never call to have dinner with to see what was going on, no one! I even called a girl from China, that pretty much asked me out at dinner with some friends one night, I left a message. So, I guess about 8:30 or something I left the house, first I drove to the bank and got some cash then I went to Taco Bell. I had two hard tacos, quesadilla, and a Pepsi after I took it home. My driving probably wasn't the best either because my mind was just kind of there. I am okay, I promise. . . but I wish I had more friends around this year or that people weren't so busy. A lot of my friends moved away after this last year for various reasons, and then my other good friends were busy. Pretty much my life is internship, school, homework, and home at night to watch TV, read, or work on school stuff. The weekends are always full though. . . which is nice but sometimes I get nothing done and am tired by Sunday night!

What is wrong with me?!

Taking this time to Blog.

Yeah, Thanksgiving break was nice! I got home on Wednesday and my whole family was home that was a cool suprise! My mom and I saw the movie Rent that afternoon. I liked it a lot, I love the music from the musical!

Thursday morning we left for St. Louis to have Thanksgiving at my aunt's house (my mom's sister) and to see my grandparents. The food and wine was good, it was nice to see people, but I got to sit at the "kids table" once again behind the adult table with my brother and 9 year old cousin. The rest of the people pretty much had their backs to us, I guess some things never change, but I didn't appreciate it that! My grandparents are doing fine considering everything going on. . .my grandpa with dimensia and can't hear and doesn't talk a lot to my grandma who is very lonely and will just about talk to anyone just about anywhere about anything. That is a little worriesome in itself if you can imagine. My grandpa got sick the last night, starting throwing up a little bit and stuff thought we were going to have to take him to the hospital. I think he is okay, but now every little thing is enhanced by everything else going on right now. So, we left Saturday morning.

My friend who goes to school in Dallas and called me Friday to tell me the sad news that the movie Pride and Prejudice is not playing in Springfield! Whats up with that? We were planning on seeing it together. Then on the way back she called me and was like I don't think I can do much today because I am going back home for dinner tonight in her town which is about an hour from Springfield. We decided to meet for lunch and she called me like three times and was like meet me at this Chinese restaurant. I did, she waited for me to get there before she ate. Then I went shopping with her to the mall for like three hours. That was kind of fun, she bought a lot but I am not so sure how I felt being her personal servant the whole time. No we are friends ~ but no I was the guy that waited outside of the dressing room for her and got her different sizes and stuff and then carried all the bags. She invited me to dinner at her family's house though, so I was obliged to go. It was a good meal. . . then I stayed and watched The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galalaxy with her and her brother in high school and two of his friends. I was suprised by how entertained I was by that movie. It was a good day of all of that and of course good conversation!

Then I went to a friend's house from high school after that because she was having people over that I haven't seen in a long time. People were calling me the whole time before saying like, "where are you?" i got there about 10:30 and there were like four people there, how pathetic. I did see one person I haven't seen in a while and that was really cool because we were like best friends in elementary school.

I am almost done with Sense and Sensibility and have to say I have found the whole expereince quit enjoyable. I bought Pride and Prejudice this weekend at Barnes and Noble for about $5 to read next, hehe. Haven't knitted since before break and am not sure when I'll get back to it since I have so much stuff to do for school!

What the heck am I doing!?

Okay, so what is becoming of me? This weekend is been weird, but sort of nice, but then again poses the question am I just being lazy? Friday while I was on campus I stopped by to see some of my friends at a house I know very well. There were like three girls knitting. . . and I know how to knit mind you. So I started to knit too, and haven't been able to stop. I actually went to Wally World last night and bought yarn and now find myself knitting away at a scarf or something I guess (an orange one). My hands are a little bit tight. . . what is wrong with that picture? Maybe nothing. . . but okay. Definately not knitting outside of the house though and besides the people who read this as good friends that is where it is staying.

I am also still reading Sense and Sensibility and yeah. . . I like it!

Yesterday I typed a paper for a class up so that was good. I just need to review it and make sure its A quality and ready to turn in after Thanksgiving break. I started another paper today that is kind of big and requires work, but don't want to do it. After all of this I still have two other papers this semester that are not exactly small and require more than a couple hours at the computer typing away. Boo, to all of this. . . I don't want to do it anymore! But I have to, what a viscious cycle!

I was up till 3 last night watching a movie. I watched three movies last night on TBS, The Wedding Singer (7-9), Legally Blonde (9-11) and Simply Irresistable (1-3 am). Wow ~ is that sad that I found perfect entertainment and nothing wrong with doing that?! And its not like they were high action adventure movies either. . . sometimes I wonder if I am normal? Actually I know I am not really normal because I am me, and thats all that needs to be said.

I am really excited about Thanksgiving Break to see family and eat and have a good relaxing time somewhat. While working throughout on papers and stuff, just part-time though, but isn't that what I am doing now? Plus, I am going to see one of my friends who goes to school in Dallas I guess and hang out one night at least. We always have fun it seems like, she is someone I usually have fun with or enjoy spending the time with. Unless there are some suprises from her that I am not expecting. . . like have happened before. Not that its a big deal though, its not like we are super close. . . so roll with it right? Okay I feel like I am going off on a subtopic that does not need to be gone into right now or explored. . .

Untill later my crazy readers!

Update time. . .since lunch with the girl on Monday.
Well, I saw her that night but we really didn't talk. But I really wanted to see her again this week and with much turmoil and talking with a friend I decided to send a short e-mail. I said how about we grab coffee sometime this week because I would like to hang out some more. The next day I had a message on facebook from her that states, "Ty also asked me to go for coffee this week. Man what to do?!" I am like what is this, and sent a reply back pretty much saying who was it for? Later, I get a message from her saying that it wasn't supposed to go to me. She was sending it to another friend for advice. She is like I'll be honest I am seeing someone else right now. I didn't know what you were thinking, but when you asked me for coffee I didn't know what to say. (I am guessing she thought something might be up with me a lot earlier than this though.) She pretty much said believe me I wasn't ever talking bad about you and think you are a great friend and I hold the high regard for you, etc. I messaged her back pretty much saying no big deal, don't worry about it. Towards the end I pretty much said I probably wouldn't have asked you for coffee if I knew you were with someone else (if that gives you an idea what I was thinking). I was like I had no idea or no way of knowing you were with someone else. But for future reference if a guy starts to act like I do just be honest from the get go, if you think something is up.

By the way I am almost to Chapter 16 in Sense and Sensibility, I am quit enjoying it so far. I am definately going to read Pride and Prejudice again after this. I also asked one of my friends to go with me to see the new Pride and Prejudice movie with me over Thanksgiving. It looks good I think. . . and she will definately go with me, but said you know afterwards I won't be able to stop talking about Mr. Darcey. I was like I am dreamier than he'll ever be. . .haha!

Its Been a Bit. . .

Okay, so its been a bit or about a week since I have blogged I know. I guess I can start off on a lighter note. . . I have played a lot of the card game Pitch lately. I really like it for some reason, its pretty fun!

What else? Oh yeah my dear old dad is in Uruguay right now for a couple of days and then on to Buenos Aires in Argetina for a couple of days! I wish I was there hanging out all day seeing things, talking to people while he is in meetings. He is talking about going to Costa Rica in December and how it would be ool if the family could go, oh yeah it would!

Saturday I went over to my friends from Guatemala to see them and their new son. They are doing well. . . and the baby is cute of course. We talked for about an hour and had some coffee and bread. Reminded me of something we would do in Guatemala sit at the table and drink coffee eating bread and speaking Spanish. So simple but so nice!

So, the girl I wrote about last week in my blog that I kind of like. . . that I totally missed lunch with last week because I read a message wrong. Well, I helped out at a church event on Saturday night and saw her there hung out a bit. I scheduled lunch for today though. . . to meet with her and some of her friends. So, with some of advice from some friends I definately dressed casual as a student (which I am) but anyway, and got there a little late and left before everyone else did. It was nice. . . and I think she might be interested! For example, I just got a little salad and that was it (less than a $ on campus is pretty good). Well, I got to the table and one of the girl's friends asked me if I was a vegetarian. . . out of know where the girl I like went, "Vegetarians are cool!" Okay kind of random and out of the blue, but hey if I was a vegetarian she's cool with that I guess. Then we were all talking having a good time, and I am not giving her all the attention because that would definatley make it obvious. But during lunch and stuff I saw her a couple of times I am pretty sure like eyeing me. We sat by each other because she made room for me too, but I definately kind of saw her look over at me a couple of times. I am not sure if she noticed me see it or not, and I am no genius I could read things totally wrong. But thats something maybe? . . . okay I'll keep you up to date. Interesting blog. . .

By the way. . . don't ask me why but I am reading Sense and Sensibility right now by Jane Austen.

Things that Can only Happen to Me.

The title of this blog is one that many of you can relate to because as some of you know there are only things that can happen to me!

Today I went to get my 100% negative results back for my HIV test I took a couple of weeks ago (no suprise there). And let me tell you at the place I went that part is definately counseling style too. Except today I think the woman was annoyed at me for even coming in to get the results which I obviously knew beforehand. She was like, "so you were interested in the testing process were you?" Okay then - and then she was like knowing everything you know now, "when you do become sexually active do you think you'll get tested again?" I was like it depends, but in reality I won't really need to. Then she offered condoms at the end. . . I turned her down for a number of reasons. One being that if I am going to have sex and use a condom anytime soon, I can afford to buy my own and I don't want to lean on a clinic for my protection. Granted some people do and hey and thats great because they aren't going to use protection any other way unless its free and they know about it.

What else? I like a certain girl right now. And everytime I feel like progress is being made to even get together and hang out something happens. I feel like right now we both sense whats up, but are walking in circles. I understand people are busy and blah blah blah but we need to become somewhat of friends before something else might happen. So, right know we need to get to know each other better. Get this we have been talking through messages via computer for a while. Well Sunday night late I guess she sent me one that said, "hey I am having lunch with some people tomorrow on campus at this time. Come if you want." Well of course I want to go, well I woke-up this morning and read that message and was like I half told her my schedule so why is she inviting me to lunch on a Tuesday (my internship day). Well, I messaged her back saying thanks but I can't, not looking at the date to see that she was talking about lunch today. I felt like a complete idiot and saw her tonight and said that. Well she was like we usually do that on Mondays, so you should come next week. I tried to ask her to hang out before then because I want to, and what I was saying really wasn't coming out right or bold enough. I left and was like that was lame, I wasn't iniating as much as I should have. Part of it is you don't want to be rejected. So, I messaged her again when I got home and pretty much said sorry about that today. I would like to try to hang out this week if we can before next Monday. I know we are busy but thats what I want to do, and thats what I was trying to tell you tonight. This is all summarizing and paraphrasing the actual message. But we'll see what happens. . .

Yo termine el libro de amor y de sombra hoy. Una historia linda y tambien triste porque en el fin Francisco e Irene tuvieron a salir el pais. El acto iba muy dificil para Francisco porque el amaba a su familia mucho. Tambien, fue dificil para Irene porque su madre estaba demasiado preocupada en su vida y sus necesidades. La madre iba ignoroda a los sucedios en el pais y la mala dictudara. En el fin la dictudara todavia sostenia todo poder y control. El muerto y el pena continuaria pasando en el pais. El amor entre Francisco e Irene continuaria, sin embargo, estaba formando un gran parte de esta historia. Durante muchos malos eventos y cuando condiciones de vivir son horribles, el amor tiene mucho poder. El poder de amor hace personas quieren vivir otro dia mas. Y tal vez manana, un proximo mes o ano sera mejor que ahora en cualquiera circunstancia.

Let me know if my Spanish is understandable. . . granted I wish there was some system built into this blog thing where it was easy to put the accent marks and stuff on there.
Oh well.

Engaged!

No, it is definately not me! Two of my best friends in the whole wide world got engaged tonight on the two year anniversary! I could not be any more happy for them. You see I knew her before I knew him, but I remember specifically around two years ago listening and talking to both of them about the other person. I remember going shopping with the girl the day she told me a lot because we were good friends, and had a pretty good conversation that day about stuff if I recall. (I also bought a cool scarf that day, but that is beside the point.) Then I remember I started hanging out with the guy after I met him and we became pretty good friends right off the bat. Then they got together and we all hung out. We hung out a lot all the time untill the two of them decided to move a couple states away. I miss them a lot! But congratulations to them! The guy told me right before he was going to ask her (and like that was really a hard question), then he told me right after and plus we talked on the phone for twenty minutes later. I am glad I was included in that special night, I think they know how much that means to me that we are that great of friends. Sometimes I still go through withdrawl from not being able to just call one of them or both of them when I am bored or want to hang out because thats what I did! I am definately going to try to see them over Christmas break if I can. ANd also now I want to try to visit them over Spring Break or something now before I graduate and get a real job and can't take time off. (Maybe they'll buy me a plane ticket or something. . . no not really, just kidding!)

Congratulations you guys!

No Puedo Dormir

Okay, this is horrible its almost 1 o'clock in the morning and I still cannot sleep, so what am I doing? Blogging of course! And I need the rest I have slept beautifully the last two nights which has really helped me get on track since Sunday. But tonight I am shooting for five hours. . . I hope I get that.

Today I had class all day. My first class this morning is social work practice and we had a guest speaker. She was an African American/Black lady who was really cool. She talked to us about working with AA(African American)/Black population. I have known since being exposed to social work stuff some that an AA/Black person's experience is a lot different than mine probably just in everday life. For example, I don't think automatically about my race, that I am White when I wake-up in the morning. Or how that is going to affect me today and the race thing always being an issue that I have to think about and live with. She guided us through an activity at the end that you imagined yourself as having black and white spots on your body and having to get on a bus with all white and black people. What did you expererience, see, and feel? Then in my second class, policy we had a guest speaker talk to us about the different categories of data on the census forms. How its changed through history and how it is currently and had a great discussion about our opinions and what we think about how its done. My last class we talked a little bit about case management in mental health.

Then tonight after all of that I had a BSW (Bachelors of Social Work) Student Group Meeting. We are having a benefit concert in two weeks in November 17 for a local agency. We are ordering T-shirts, and there is other stuff coming up. Like cooking a meal and possibly serving it too at the drop-in center in December. All good stuff, but this makes for a very long day! Especially if you aren't feeling all there and your stomach hurts like mine was, but thats life.

Some of you might be wondering how I have been doing since my last very cheerful blog! I have to say that I am still working through some of those questions and issues that I brought up. I see it all as a process that will continue for at least the near future of trying to figure and refigure things out. This week one of my goals is to try to somehow get more organized in my head and not feel overwhelmed by my thoughts and worries if that makes sense. I don' have all the answers yet, but all I can do is be patient, trust God, and just keep on going!

Tonight I read some more of the book de amor y de sombra and that might have stimulated my brain some so thats why I am still awake. Its a beautiful story in my opinion and a book thats hard to put down plus its in Spanish. I am always looking up and writing down new vocabulary words. I really like how its a love story (as cheesy as that sounds) but then at the same time so much more than that. It takes place in this country that is under the shadow of a dictator and how its so corrupt. But at the same time its a love story of the woman who comes from a upper class rich background so is naive to a lot of the injustices and sees the country as one in order. The man, however, has a completely different experience and has grown up seeing and believing all the harm being done to the country mainly thanks to the dictator. And as the two fall in love the woman is going a through a self discovery and awakening to everything going on in the country. That everything isn't just fine and dandy everywhere, but its more of an illusion that the rich can create for themselves because they have more money and power.

If anything the book expresses in some regard that love is top and that if people are truly in love that whatever the circumstances or situation, the love is still there. I think this is a deep awesome idea, but of course the love of God is the best example of that. So many times we try to do things away from that love or do not want to even acknowledge Him and His love, but He still loves us! I don't know how I got that out of what I was talking about from the book, but its still cool!

Okay, I am getting sleepy, whch is a good sign. . . un dia yo tratare escribir todo en espanol. Until then - chao!

No title can name this post.

Yes, no title can name this post thats why I am writing in this pink like color.

Okay, well I am back in my room now not at my parent's house. Anymore, I might have slept three or four hours last night. . . my parents and my brother didn't get home until around 11:30. And once everyone got home my family doesn't know how to be quiet! That didn't help my insomnia, and I had a headache. Then I woke-up at 5:30 and drove to my internship today and got there around 9. I went trick-or-treating with the kids in a large insurace building. I got lots of candy, yeah and yummy! The kids were all dressed up it was fun! Then myself and the other girl student planned group counseling pretty much for the rest of the semester. My field instructor called in sick, Suprise Suprise! But we got a lot done which was good!

I am beginning to think that I am a little bit immature. I mean this weekend yelling at my mom and all. Then getting all excited about halloween candy. Okay these two things are reasonable some of you might say considering that most people would feel the same way maybe. But there is other stuff like is being unrealistic considered being immature? I mean first off do I really think I am going to get a job in Texas or somewhere south or closer to the border? Also, can I really reasonabaly put on my resume that I speak Spanish efficiently and that my objective is to find a job where I can use my language abilities? Will I be able to use my language abilities in a productive way at a job working with immigrants and their families? No se, pero quiero pensar que si. Me gusta leer libros y veo television en espanol mucho y puedo entender mucho, but so what? Sometimes I think my dreams my goals are pretty wacky, like the one that someday I am going to live in Europe for a while in particular Spain. Hello! I am going to be a social worker and this year I am trying to somehow mentally prepare myself for the adjustment of working and pretty much trying to support myself entirely on not the highest salary. I feel like I can, its not like I have lived laviscously in college. But this is hard especially when my parents bring my back clothes from Banana Republic and expensive stores after they go on trips to feed my expensive tastes. Its like sometimes I feel completely naive to the world and don't really realize what the real world is like. I try to expose myself through my studies, my volunteer work, and what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. I feel like I am an open-minded person and cultured somewhat, but what is that really mean? I also think I am pretty flexible and like change, but the change that I want a lot is not what other people would think as necessarily positive in some regard. I am a pretty restless person sometimes in a lot of ways. . . I see so much injustice, and so much of it could be allievated or cured if people just thought differently and weren't so damn greedy or prideful. I realize I can't change people, but all my ideals too lofty that I can possibly change the world? And for some reason this year I feel disconnected a lot from a lot of my friends because of differences in geographically, busy schedules, whatever. But sometimes its like I am lonely. . . but wait I don't have time to be lonely. Plus I like my independence! There is so much going on in this head of mine sometimes I don't understand why or really want to figure it out. Graduation is knocking, knocking on my door ~ yeah!

I am still reading de amor y de sombra and between watching the telenovelas all I want to do is read the book and finish it. It is a beautiful story about many things including Irene a reporter and Francisco a photographer that both work for the same magazine. They stumble into a crime which is part of the larger story behind a very corrupt country in Latin America. A fragile but very strong love develps that either one denies but destiny is different. . . but I don't know I haven't finished the book.


Oh I am so tired. . . I wish sometimes I could make sense of everything more. .

HOME

Yeah, I am at home right now. . . meaning my parents house the home of my childhood. I am pretty much house sitting and watching my mom's dog (her baby) because they went to Chicago for the weekend. My brother isn't really here busy with the band stuff and all. Its actually pretty boring. . .today I woke up and ran on the treadmill downstairs, showered, took my brother to meet the rest of his band members so they could take off. Then I went to town and got a vanilla latte at Starbucks, got my car washed and then back home to get the cleaning and a bill to send. Then I drove back and dropped off the cleaning, mailed the bill, and got lunch. Came back here walked the dog it is so nice outside today! Now I just finished typing a reaction paper for my assignment when I got tested for HIV/AIDS. Which by the way I won't know the results untill this coming Friday, so keep worring about me, NO not really. . . there is no doubt what the result will be!

Anyway, so I got here last night and saw what the house is looking like since the main floor's remodeling process is concluding. It still won't be ready for Thanksgiving though, I guess we'll be going to St. L (at least we will be with family). I had a heated discussion with my parents. Pretty much I told my mom she doesn't understand anything about my life right now. How does she know what its like to be graduating from college and how scary it is to have to find a job and feeling like you are too young? I pretty much said you are so far removed that you can't even remember your last year of college, she said she did which I have no doubt. But I am 22 and my relationship with my parents has definately improved since when I was lets say in eigth grade, freshman, sophomore in high school. But at the same time how mature am I if at 22, I am still practically yelling at my mom saying, "you don't understand me or my life!" Thats kind of convicting and shows how much stress this whole last year of college thing is causing on me! But then my mom and dad both looked at my resume which I e-mailed to them before I printed it off and they were like its great! Well the career fair was yesterday on campus, which was pretty much useless to me I think. But get this last night both my mom and dad were telling me that I need to change or take out some things on my resume, why couldn't they do that earlier?! I checked on socialservice.com and apparently my resume has been viewed once on there. I am not sure how great of a service that is but we'll see if that goes anywhere?

Other than that I am reading de amor y de sobra right now by Isabel Allende en espanol. I have to say I am doing pretty good with it. I am actually really into the story which I thought there is no way I am going to get it that well because its in Spanish. Maybe my Spanish is better than I thought, but I am still using my dictionary a lot for new words. Remind me next time to give you guys a book review in Spanish. . . so all of you will want to pick it up and read this interesting story!

Later.

Awesome!

Today started off not so well. . . I woke up at 10:30, which happened to be the exact time that I was supposed to be at my advising appointment. Whoops! I e-mailed my advisor who was also my research professor last year immediately and was like sorry, can we do it this afternoon. She said yeah come by after 2, it all worked out but still how horrible was that! Its crazy to think that it was my last time meeting with an advisor for college. . . or at least undergrad. . . graduation is starting to knock on the door a little bit louder.

I read Valparaiso's blog today, and the latest post kind of hit home today for my life. I mean yeah have I been responsible enough to myself, God, my family everything lately or the last four years of college? I mean personally I feel like my relationship with God has not been where it has needed to be the last couple of months. Especially since school has started and my mind is been many different places.

I went to the campus ministry again tonight that I have been going to for the second part on the Holy Spirit. (Okay, I know some of you are already thinking "hombre guapo be careful, we don't want you getting mixed up in some crazy group where they speak in tongues all the time.") It was a really impacting message about busting through that box of what we think of as worship or knowing God! They aren't saying anything wrong, or anti-Bible okay. . . I am being cautious about it. I am still finding myself worshipping God there and being fed. Plus the group is quit diverse; international students and people from other races, which for me I find it quit refreashing! Then I was thinking about what was being shared tonight on the way home. . .

I decided to stop for gas and also call my friend from high school who I haven't talked to in a couple of months. We are really good friends, so its been kind of sad that I haven't talked to her in so long! She was happy to her from me, and said she has been praying for me for a while now. She is stretched pretty thin right now too with everything going on in her life though. It was nice to talk to her for almost an hour about everything and to catch up! I ended up driving around town while talking to her on the phone and ended up at the lake. . .

Let me tell you, the lake is one of my favorite places as some of you know. I haven't been there really at all this school year, which how sad is that?! Well, I talked to my friend while sitting on the guard rail of the road looking at the lake. It was pretty cool. . . but afterwards I had this awesome time with God just sitting out there and praying outloud and stuff! Lets just say it was good to have that time with my Lord!

I am also at peace right now about where God wants me post graduation. Through my time with him tonight, it kind of hit me that God has placed certain desires and dreams in our heart and is on our side! He wants to see us achieve those as a witness to Him. So as I was thinking about how I want to work with Hispanics and definately am considering moving to Texas or somewhere next year closer to the border. Well, for a while I was like is that what God wants though, am I just being selfious? And tonight God gave me a peace about that by telling me, "Hey I put this vision in you and set it in motion. . . maybe even six years ago and you didn't realize it then." I mean I have been studying Spanish for a while now, gone to Guatemala, God has given me a heart for people and for this population. He has given me the use of Spanish and of course He has led me to decide on working down in Texas somewhere or Arizona. (Not exactly sure on the specifics yet, but God is going to take care of it!) Praise God!

Life is one big journey of. . . whatever you make it I suppose.

For my social work practice class we have a Client Experience Project. All this means is that each student has to pick something that an actual client might do or go to and do it. Well, yesterday morning I drove to the big city and walked into of the free health clinics. I went in and simply said I need an HIV test. Okay, put your first name in a book and wait, it shouldn't be that long. I was not even expecting to get that far because I thought it was appointment only, so I said I'll keep going. Well I waited for about 20-30 minutes that was interesting. Finally, some young guy comes out and says, "Ty." Okay, so I go with him and as we are walking to the room he asked, "So why did you decide today that you needed to be tested?" Okay I cannot lie personally and for my class so I told him what I was doing. I was embarrassed and he was like no big deal. You should get the test anyway, its a good idea. I was like okay even though I have no risk at all of having it (believe me) but I'll get to experience the process. Ended up going to a room that looks like a therapist office or something and he asked me some questions (personal ones of course given the situation). I learned a lot and took a test orally. I had to hold a swab in my mouth for three minutes against my cheek, that was it! I'll find out the results in two weeks, but that was awesome because there were no needles or blood! Overall, considering the circumstances that people come in and get tested they make it fairly comfortable and helpful experience.

Then I am having resume issues. . . I sent a prelimenary resume to a guy in the career center to look over. Well, he e-mailed me back once saying you have some good information, blah, blah, blah but here is what I suggest. It will really enhance your resume, thats great! I made the changes and thought I made it look good and e-mailed it back to him to look over. He e-mails me back and it says, "I don't even know where to start on your resume." What the heck is that, he is paid to figure it out, He should be FIRED! He sent me a copy of someone's resume from last year to review and to go off. I don't get it because after looking at, her's and mine's resumes are not that different!

Life lesson this year: I am learning that some of the people that are supposed to be the most helpful to you sometimes, are not really helpful at all. Lets just say I am going to be thanking God! Someday that I am learning this now and not ten years from now in some highly stressful job situation!

Estoy muy bien. . . y tu?

Okay, well I am in a great mood right now and I need to go to bed!

Tonight I just finished a book called Fish, which I took from my practicum yesterday. My field instructor was not there yesterday and she has this book that looks very intriguing to me, so I took it and read it. She probably didn't even miss it, I'll just put it back tomorrow. Its all about how to make work fun and more enjoyable. There are four key ingredients: (1) Choose your Attitude, (2) Play, (3) Make Their Day - customers, clients, co workers, etc., and (4) Be Present. I read this book and was like that is so awesome, it wasn't just a boring book either about these are the concepts and we think you should do them. It was an actual story about a lady who was a department manager in her company and totally changed the department around. As I read this book, I am thinking has my field instructor read this book before because she could use this advice!

Monday night I went to a campus ministry and I really like it there! They started a two-parter on the Holy Spirit, and how awesome and exciting the Holy Spirit is when its in your life. I feel excited about going to a campus ministry for the first time in a long time, and am probably going to check out a small group. I don't know, I really need food spiritually and the excitement and being with other excited believers!

What else is new? I have decided that I am going to move South after graduation, South in like I mean Florida, Texas, California, Arizona, New Mexico but somewhere closer to the border. An area with a high number of Latinos because I really want to work with immigrants and use my Spanish speaking abilities. I am looking at cities right now such as San Antonio, Miami, Pheonix. And hello! Another benefit is of course the climate because I really don't like cold weather or winter I like the warm sun! This is a really exciting revelation to me lately and my parents seem to support this. I am almost done with my resume too so thats good and exciting to have down and done with!

I did have to call my mom again today after a conversation we had last night. She was in San Diego the past three or four days for meetings, conference but I am guessing she had a good time though. Anyway, she told me, "(my name) you can't change the world." Oh, okay one of my things is right now is please never say that to me. How do you know I am not going to change the world or at least change some part of the world? How has the world ever been changed if in the past the people that have changed the world had their family and friends always saying, "you can't change the world, you'll never do it!" Not that I am crushed by this or her statement, but just don't tell me that because first off you don't know if I am or not!

That is going to be it for now!

Dallas and Oh so much More!

Yes, I am writing in this pink like color today. . . if you have a problem with it. . . keep it to yourself!

This past Wednesday I skipped my last class and went with my friend to Dallas Texas until this last Saturday morning. It was a fun trip, but at the same time I have more to think about in someways afterwards. Funny how stuff like that works. Well, we drove most of the latter half of Wednesday and let me just say "NO MORE MOORE OKLAHOMA!" My friend who drove was going crazy in Oklahoma and it was almost scary. I on the other hand could not stop laughing at everything, including a sign that said "Liquid Assets" like meaning water and coffee bar thing or something. I definately looked at that sign and was thinking something else and was cracking up going down the interstate! We finally arrived at my friend's apartment about 1 that night and I was very out of it! I am sure I was quit entertaining for everyone involved!


Okay the main part of the trip was spent seeing some of Dallas, eating at good restaurants and catching up with friends. I did manage to go to four different Starbucks in two days, 3 in an 8 hour period. I got to see another friend that I know from church back at home and we went to high school together but not at the same high school. Well, we saw her at her apartment and then the two of us ended up studying/talking at Starbucks for a couple of hours. That was good, and I got work done. (I was even invited to Florida in the process!) If she happens to be reading this right now. . . . I am so going, haha! Then after her and I decided where we going to dinner after three decision changes we met some people for a great dinner. Except my friend ended up talking to her friend that the rest of us didn't know at all the whole time, I am not saying anything, but is that exactly mannerly? Then my friend and I met another couple in this shopping district area and rounded them up to go see a movie with us later. We saw an Indie Movie called, Everything is Illuminated. I really liked it and would like to see it again it was kind of deep. . . it took place in Ukraine and this boy from the US went back there to try to find the woman that saved his grandfather from the Nazis. Its a lot more to it than this. That was a good day hanging out and all that jazz!

One thing that hasn't really came out of this trip, but still kind of did in a weird way really makes me wonder. A lot of my friends I would say in the past year have been telling me this. For example, lets say I might like a girl and then someone will say that I think knows me pretty well, "Ty, usually the case that the girl is too good for the guy, but you are too good for her." huh? Granted yes I want someone thats going to blow me away, but when you hear people tell you this a lot lately its like, well then "Where is this girl that is good enough for me?" I mean I don't want to settle on just ordinary Susy or go "well I guess Susy is as good as I'll get, so why not?" but come on! I am not that good. . . that I am so high and mighty, its like people are putting me on an untouchable pedistal. I know they aren't, they truly care for me and want the best for me, but its been making me think.

Now here is my little plug about a country that is very dear to my heart and it is Guatemala! Guatemala is an essence a disaster zone in many areas right now. . . . probably a thousand people have died and complete villages are gone! Mainly Mayan villages which is even sadder. I have been there and have friends from Guatemala! What I am outraged about is the lack of media coverage for this country because of whatver reasons, which I am sure the media has its reasons! My friend's wife told me last night that thank God none of her family members have died but their crops are destroyed. The next concern is that they might not have food this next year! (Can you imagine for a second, you sitting in your apartment/home right now reading this, that your whole life is been shaken, your whole country and now you might not have food next year?) She is also pregnent right now and is expecting in two weeks and they have their own stress right now about issues arising from this. So, if you are reading this right now and care at all say a little Prayer up for the people and beautiful country of Guatemala!

So, the weather has been beautiful lately! The weekend was wonderfully Autumn like sunny, but cool. . . oh I love this time of the year! I can't wait till the leaves start changing color. This weekend I did some fun activities. . . Friday night I went to dinner with my friend from China. Then I had a fun time running around campus for about two hours on a giant scavenger hunt. (My team came in second out of three.) Then Saturday I spent the afternoon with some international students (all girls) at the Renissance Festival. I have never gone before and it was packed, I thought it was kind of neat. Plus it was fun hanging out with some of the international students and seeing how they reacted to it all. Then I played Texas Hold 'em Poker that night at a friend's house, but with no money. I won the first round, which was quit unexpected!

I have spent some considerable time last week and this weekend on a social problem analysis paper for my social policy class. Well, I chose illegal immigration which is a topic I am very interested in and passionate about. I want to work with illegal immigrants at some point and try to help them with all of the issues they face in this country. It is a hot button topic thse days and will continue to be until there is some kind of resolution. My views on this topic are more liberal and I tend to agree with the idea that we should legalize the illegal immigrants living in the United States. We need to set up a system with Mexico and other countries that creates a system where we will let people in an orderly way. We need to figure it out because right now who knows a terrorist could cross the border and that would be a nightmare on all sides of the issue. If we want to slow down or stop the masses from flowing in illegally why don't we do real things to help the economies of Mexico and these other countries? They are far worse off than we are in many ways, if we could help create more jobs there for the people they wouldn't all be coming here for money. Okay. .. . enough, I am just a college student who doesn't know anything about anything and especially how to solve major social ills!

Also, tonight I was sitting in a meeitng of the Christian group I am involved. Someone did a skit with juggling and about how our reality is different many times from what God's reality for us is. I thought that was very impacting because this year I have been thinking a lot about my future and what I am going to do after graduation in May. A lot of times I don't want to think about it because it scares me to death, where am I going to live, how am I going to get a job, will I like my job are all questions I struggle with. Yes, the reality is that I need to be prepared because it is coming but at the same time not worry about too much. Why get stressed, when God is going to take care of everything? God has been teaching me a lot lately that I need to just go back to Him and the relationship aspect of it with Him. I might need to pray more and find more time for Him, you know the relationship goes both ways. I have to do my part too, and I need to make sure I am keeping it up!

El verdad. . . is that I am feeling very tired, frustrated, upset, even angry, and sad right now, but okay!

Here are some of my reasons:
1) I pretty much went the whole day at my internship through a training meeting and everything else without caffeine. At the end of the day I finally gave in and asked some staff at the school if they had any coke and they were like yeah downstairs in the vending machine. They ended up giving me 60 cents, thank God! But I had a headache for a lot of the day and one coke was one of the highest moments of my day. . . how pittiful!

2) I missed the last episode of my favorite telenovela en espanol, se llama Inocente de Ti. I have watched it all the way untill the last episode which was tonight. . . and hopefully my friend was able to videotape it for me. I am going to get the tape and watch it tomorrow night I guess, but I was so upset that I couldn't watch the last episode tonight. I had to go to a meeting called "Watch D.O.G.S" at the school where my internship is. D.O.G.S stands for Dads of Great Students just so you all know. By the way I hope in Inocente de Ti all ended well for Florecita y Julio Alberto, una historia muy bonita!

3) And maybe the biggest reason: is today I brought up the issues that I have been having at my internship in a indirect/direct way up with my field instructor. You know I met with my field liaison the person above my instructor on Tuesday night, the other student. I felt like we made great progress and the internship would start to go better. She suggested to tell my field instructor that she sent us back our Learning Contracts and that she wanted them more specific and we should put in our ideas. Okay, great idea. . . because it makes it sound like the field liaison is behind all of this and not us the students. Well, I told my field instructor about the learning contract this morning and she like rolled her eyes. She was like why do we have to change them now they are pretty much the same ones we have been sending in for the past five or six years. She was not positive about this at all. Then I later told her the suggestion I thought of that the field liaison supposedly told me to offer. This idea is one that I am kind of passionate about and that is to write a letter and send it home to the parents that have kids in groups in both Spanish and English. This would help my Spanish and plus it is getting the parents still more active with their kids and whats going on. What was her response, well right off the bat she goes, "We don't invite parents. . . we've never done that. We don't want to or like to do that or something." She went on to explain if parents come to us or want to talk about whatever, then pretty much they come to us. She acts like what goes on in our groups should not be discussed outside of them, which I agree about protecting the kids in everything. But we aren't talking about real deep or personal issues with the kids, especially in group settings. GRRR! I am like why the heck not!? Isn't our mission about reaching out to better individuals, families, and the community! The saga continues. . .

I have so much to do!

Just wanted to share.

So, I just got back today from Fall Retreat with Campus Christians the group I am really involved in. Well, this retreat the theme was Worship. I think that it was a good experience, I learned some about the history of worship. My kids will probably not worship God the same way I do. Then there is one thing or thought that really stuck with me about communion that I have shared with some people.
Holy Communion or the eating of the bread and drinking of the spirit of the vine is done in rememberance of what Jesus did for me, us. Well the word "rememberance" is not used in the context of like oh I remember something that I forgot. Like we don't forget Jesus and his sacrifice and only remember it once a month or however often we take part in communion. No, the word "rememberance" means so much more its like remembering and feeling all of the emotions that make up your relationship with Jesus or the Father. The speaker used the analogy of an older lady who picked up a letter dated 1968 from her young husband at the time who was in Vietnam and dd not return from the war. She had not picked up that letter in 30 something years, but when she saw it and touched it everything came back and for her the letter symbolized a deep emotional connection to her husband that she loved so much. That is what communion signifies to the believer who partakes in the feast, a connection to our savior in a deep personal way!

Okay, I am not trying to offend anyone or push my beliefs on to anyone who might be reading this blog. I am not ashamed of my beliefs and will not be afraid to share what I have been learning about or what has impacted my life lately. My faith is a big part of the person I am! Thats all I have to say. . .