I need to make a better understanding of some things I said in my last blog post. First, I am very sad about leaving Korea for many reasons, but that does not mean by any means that I am knocking my American friends or do not want to see you guys. I just don't have any real foreign friends here in Korea, all my friends are Korean. That was my choice, but I shouldn't worry about coming back there and not being able to connect and talk to all of you guys and feel nervous about that because you are my friends!!! That is the important part.

Right now, I don't know but I might come back to Korea for sure. I don't know at all actually, but there is a good job possibility that I could get. At the same time, I don't know if I can though because then I will see this woman that I havel been seeing and will continue to see until I leave. Last night, was a night of truth and realized that I need to change my strong feelings and forget that I was ever in love with her even after two months. I can't really forget or change so easily, but I will have to. Pretty much it isn't possible for us in this culture with her being older and me being older and we are different people. And even if I do come back to Korea things won't change and she might move to Germany in the next three to six months. I would love for it to be possible, but I don't know that even if she ever could have feelings for me in that way. Last night, I didn't really sleep and got home at 2:30. I don't regret anything that has happened though and last night was very beautiful because we ended up talking for about an hour outside at this beautiful place with a beautiful view of the city and great weather.

Going Home. . . .

Yes, you can hear it first on this blog that I will be coming back to the US around the second or third week in October. I don't know the exact date yet, but should soon when I have a plane ticket confirmed. This is really hard for me because I am very upset and sad right now about leaving Korea, but I decided yesterday and told my work to go ahead and get a plane ticket. I have been praying for so long for the job situation to work out, maybe about the woman I have been seeing to become more concrete, and I feel comfortable here. I made it up in my mind to plan on staying and of course right when I do that, that is when God says NO!!

I don't know what I am going to do next with my life. I am really scared and nervous about coming back to the States right now. Maybe I am not American anymore and act more like a Korean person, so people are going to think I am really strange maybe. Plus, I talk like a Korean! It will be an adjustment I think, especially since all my friends are Koreans here. Please pray for me to start preparing for this big change!!

Right now, I am possibly thinking about traveling and taking a trip sometime after I return. I want very much still to go to Spain, but we'll see. . . I only think this now. I can't see myself staying in Missouri for too long at my parents' house or even in the States for that long. I could still come back to Korea, who knows, but maybe try to get my Spanish back in gear and go somewhere with that.

There it is. . . the countdown begins till I leave Korea indefinitely! Only 19 work days for me, my last day is September 28th!!!

Boring Week ~maybe??

Yes, my friend who I am still seeing quit a bit left early this morning for Thailand till Saturday for a church mission trip. This week I will be praying a lot for that of course and thinking about that a lot. I am doing my best to eat a lot this week and work out for muscle and weight gain. However, it could be a little boring this week without seeing her every morning, talking on MSN usually, the text messages throughout the day, and talking usually for at least an hour on the phone after work. I actually find myself feeling kind of down about it, but I know she is coming back and is on mission trip, so I should be happy she is doing God's will. I can't really let anyone know about that at the church either since we aren't a couple and she doesn't like gossip. But that is another much longer story that I will not be sharing on this blog.

In other news, my last day at my current job will be Friday September 28th which is coming up very quickly! I have to get working on finding another position in some academy sooner than later!

The weather is miserably humid and hot at times and August seems to be the rainy season not June and July. My apartment is unbearable at times and I only have one fan. I have mold growing on the fans and can't seem to keep things clean or dry enough ever. I have gotten used to it, but I hope after this my so-so living conditions will be over!

Pray for the mission trip to Thailand this week and that I don't have a heat stroke in my own home!!!