Life.
So, life is going. . . time keeps passing and life keeps going like it always will. Right now though life has so many what ifs. . . I feel like I have been talking about all of this since I started my blog but these are still big issues in my life. I have better days than others about being okay with the what ifs or not being okay with them. . .I just have to keep trusting God, who has the plans. But that can be easy said than done, for example here are some of the thoughts going through my head lately. . .
I have started seriously considering what it would be like to move back in my parent's house with my brother there who I don't really get along with. Okay, those of you who know me well I am pretty independent and love it. . . so where in the hell is this coming from considering living with my parents again. Like a part of me goes that would be secure, stable, supportive, and I would be with my family. I love my parents and they love me plus its home. But at the same time I am like think about it when you go home after a couple of days you are ready to leave again, you can't stand it. Yes, how true. . . and if I moved back in there after a couple of days I couldn't leave to go somewhere else because there would be no where else! I love my family, but thinking it would be nice to live at home again. . . who am I fooling? I think some of this is that I don't know what I am doing after graduation yet and I don't know where my life is going and home sounds stable, safe, and secure. All of this is true. . .but its a cop-out for the real issue here. I don't want to face the fact in some small way that I am grown up and will be graduating from college. So I want to go home and have my parents take care of me again. Does everyone follow my thought process through this one?
Today I had classes all day and had one of those days like, "Why do I want to go into social work again?" My first class this morning we met at the VA Hospital for a field trip and learn about what social workers do there. I felt like it was a commorcial for the VA the whole time and the people were way to happy about thier jobs. They all acted like they love their jobs all the time and everything is great and they never have bad days! Please, its one thing to have a great job that you love, but its not reality to always be happy and cheery or even to feel that way! Plus, they only really hire MSWs so thats what they talked about mostly. Way to read the audience we are BSW students getting ready to graduate not MSW students.
But besides that I have a lot of stuff to do in the next couple of weeks for classes on top of practicum. Which by the way in my own unique ways I am enjoying it. I care for those kids a lot and love working with them as bad as they can be. I tell myself everyday that God is using me there in some way and I am making a difference even if its really small!
I am going home not this weekend but the next to get my haircut before I go to Miami and see my family at least once before graduation. I'll probably see them again before though but I don't know when. I found out this last week too that one of my good friends who goes to school in Dallas will be in the area too! Yeah, thats cool we will probably have dinner together and we have decided that we will try the Fishbowl then like we have been talking about for a while. The Fishbowl is a rather large drink for two at a coffee shop/bar, and we will have a driver with us. . .no worries! Yeah, I get to see her before we graduate. . . I have talked about her before on this blog. . . just a really good friend and cool girl!
So, life is going. . . time keeps passing and life keeps going like it always will. Right now though life has so many what ifs. . . I feel like I have been talking about all of this since I started my blog but these are still big issues in my life. I have better days than others about being okay with the what ifs or not being okay with them. . .I just have to keep trusting God, who has the plans. But that can be easy said than done, for example here are some of the thoughts going through my head lately. . .
I have started seriously considering what it would be like to move back in my parent's house with my brother there who I don't really get along with. Okay, those of you who know me well I am pretty independent and love it. . . so where in the hell is this coming from considering living with my parents again. Like a part of me goes that would be secure, stable, supportive, and I would be with my family. I love my parents and they love me plus its home. But at the same time I am like think about it when you go home after a couple of days you are ready to leave again, you can't stand it. Yes, how true. . . and if I moved back in there after a couple of days I couldn't leave to go somewhere else because there would be no where else! I love my family, but thinking it would be nice to live at home again. . . who am I fooling? I think some of this is that I don't know what I am doing after graduation yet and I don't know where my life is going and home sounds stable, safe, and secure. All of this is true. . .but its a cop-out for the real issue here. I don't want to face the fact in some small way that I am grown up and will be graduating from college. So I want to go home and have my parents take care of me again. Does everyone follow my thought process through this one?
Today I had classes all day and had one of those days like, "Why do I want to go into social work again?" My first class this morning we met at the VA Hospital for a field trip and learn about what social workers do there. I felt like it was a commorcial for the VA the whole time and the people were way to happy about thier jobs. They all acted like they love their jobs all the time and everything is great and they never have bad days! Please, its one thing to have a great job that you love, but its not reality to always be happy and cheery or even to feel that way! Plus, they only really hire MSWs so thats what they talked about mostly. Way to read the audience we are BSW students getting ready to graduate not MSW students.
But besides that I have a lot of stuff to do in the next couple of weeks for classes on top of practicum. Which by the way in my own unique ways I am enjoying it. I care for those kids a lot and love working with them as bad as they can be. I tell myself everyday that God is using me there in some way and I am making a difference even if its really small!
I am going home not this weekend but the next to get my haircut before I go to Miami and see my family at least once before graduation. I'll probably see them again before though but I don't know when. I found out this last week too that one of my good friends who goes to school in Dallas will be in the area too! Yeah, thats cool we will probably have dinner together and we have decided that we will try the Fishbowl then like we have been talking about for a while. The Fishbowl is a rather large drink for two at a coffee shop/bar, and we will have a driver with us. . .no worries! Yeah, I get to see her before we graduate. . . I have talked about her before on this blog. . . just a really good friend and cool girl!
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