Life happens between Posts.

I am not sure what to catch everyone up on. But more and more I know God is telling me this semester that I made the right decision about switching campus ministries and everything that has to go with that. And no one read this and freak out becuase you think somehow I am brainwashed into something strange. . . no its nothing like that its just experiencing and growing in my relationship with God like He wants! For example, the small group that I am in met for only its third time this semester and I don't know if it was only me but it was one of the most open and honest groups I have ever been to. Wow, I am amazed that I felt so comfortable and opened up like I did. . . but it was sweet! I really feel connected with everyone.

On a completely different lighter subject I am going to miss watching the Olympics from Italy! I was I was there and could've seen it. Some images I would have liked to have seen in person would be the Opening Ceromonies and Pavorroti singing at the very end! WOW! I would have liked to watch the ski jumping I am always amazed to see how high they get an how far they go. I would also have liked to seen some of the cross-country skiing races it reminds me of my cross-country days but on a whole different level! Of course the figure skating events, in particular the women the Japanese girl that won, the pair figure skating where the AMerican cojple landed the first throw triple axle. And the ice-dancing all the drama that went with that this year. The Americans winning the silver medal, and the Italian couple that were so mad and bitter towards each other and then at the end were crying and kissing. It would have been like watching a mini soap opera I think at the Olympics. Sounds like my life! And the closing ceromonies, and can you imagine the great food and wine there. . . oh I want to go!

I am still keeping my options way open as far as jobs. I e-mailed a cover letter and resume for an agency in the big city and they told let me know they got it so we'll wait. I applied today online for a job at a hospital back at home, we'll see if I hear anything from them. Just keeping the options open still of course. I'll keep everyone posted. . . of course.

Thats about all for now. . . life is always interesting and if mine isn't I just talk to my friends, haha!

Life.

So, life is going. . . time keeps passing and life keeps going like it always will. Right now though life has so many what ifs. . . I feel like I have been talking about all of this since I started my blog but these are still big issues in my life. I have better days than others about being okay with the what ifs or not being okay with them. . .I just have to keep trusting God, who has the plans. But that can be easy said than done, for example here are some of the thoughts going through my head lately. . .

I have started seriously considering what it would be like to move back in my parent's house with my brother there who I don't really get along with. Okay, those of you who know me well I am pretty independent and love it. . . so where in the hell is this coming from considering living with my parents again. Like a part of me goes that would be secure, stable, supportive, and I would be with my family. I love my parents and they love me plus its home. But at the same time I am like think about it when you go home after a couple of days you are ready to leave again, you can't stand it. Yes, how true. . . and if I moved back in there after a couple of days I couldn't leave to go somewhere else because there would be no where else! I love my family, but thinking it would be nice to live at home again. . . who am I fooling? I think some of this is that I don't know what I am doing after graduation yet and I don't know where my life is going and home sounds stable, safe, and secure. All of this is true. . .but its a cop-out for the real issue here. I don't want to face the fact in some small way that I am grown up and will be graduating from college. So I want to go home and have my parents take care of me again. Does everyone follow my thought process through this one?

Today I had classes all day and had one of those days like, "Why do I want to go into social work again?" My first class this morning we met at the VA Hospital for a field trip and learn about what social workers do there. I felt like it was a commorcial for the VA the whole time and the people were way to happy about thier jobs. They all acted like they love their jobs all the time and everything is great and they never have bad days! Please, its one thing to have a great job that you love, but its not reality to always be happy and cheery or even to feel that way! Plus, they only really hire MSWs so thats what they talked about mostly. Way to read the audience we are BSW students getting ready to graduate not MSW students.

But besides that I have a lot of stuff to do in the next couple of weeks for classes on top of practicum. Which by the way in my own unique ways I am enjoying it. I care for those kids a lot and love working with them as bad as they can be. I tell myself everyday that God is using me there in some way and I am making a difference even if its really small!

I am going home not this weekend but the next to get my haircut before I go to Miami and see my family at least once before graduation. I'll probably see them again before though but I don't know when. I found out this last week too that one of my good friends who goes to school in Dallas will be in the area too! Yeah, thats cool we will probably have dinner together and we have decided that we will try the Fishbowl then like we have been talking about for a while. The Fishbowl is a rather large drink for two at a coffee shop/bar, and we will have a driver with us. . .no worries! Yeah, I get to see her before we graduate. . . I have talked about her before on this blog. . . just a really good friend and cool girl!

Blogging will always be there.

Its no secret I love to blog and write about my life. . . so when I am not blogging I am usually journaling those days or doing both. Its like one of those things that helps me process my thoughts, get my feelings out, it is always there for me journaling or blogging and it is great! Blogging is in particulary fun in some ways because I can get comments, feedback, encouragement, questions, etc. from people about my post.

So, this week wind down (the highlights). . .
Sunday - went to a small group meeting that I am going to be in as part of the ministry I am involved in now. There were only 3 of us me and the two leaders. We prayed for like forty-five minutes it was awesome! I feel like I am going to have some real close friends with the guys, so thats awesome.
Tuesday - my small group decided to buy a cake and flowers and go over to a house of girls that are in the ministry and bless them on Valentine's morning. That worked out pretty cool, we got dressed up and ended up waking them all up except one slept through it. But hey we got pancakes out of the deal. Then I had practicum that day. In Lawrence later that afternoon though I went to Dillions to mail some stuff because I had to buy stamps. Well some guy backed into my car as I was exciting the parking lot. There isn't really any damage except marks on my car but I still got his information and its going to have to be fixed. Shucks!
Wednesday - Social Work Student Legislation Day in Topeka - I never want to go back to Topeka ever again! It scares me and the day was a waste of time - except for my group was good company and we ate at Olive Garden for lunch. Went to coffee/dinner with three Japanese students who wanted to hang out with me. THey are only here for a month and their English is basic, but it was fun we talked I wrote words down that sort of thing. They are very nice people! This helps me to see that my work with international students is not a total waste. That my passions do line up with how God uses me and sees maybe as strenghts the ability to communicate and help students learn English better.
Thursday - I had practicum. . . and that went okay. I care about those kids so much. . . and have to keep telling myself that God is using me there. I might not feel like I am being supported fully by the teachers and my field instructor. But I am being used there with those kids rather I see it or not and I am making a difference. Its just something I have to get through but this mind-set has changed my outlook a lot. Even if I don't feel like I am valued by others and the kids give me all the crap in the world. . .God has me there for a reason and is using me. This makes all the difference in the world for me!

Yep, it is my last semester of college, or at least for now and I am okay with that I guess. But I really don't want to leave yet. . .like I am okay with my future now because I know God is going to take care of me. That isn't the source of stress anymore its more of facing the facts that this is it for college! I am ready for the future whatever that may be, but I don't know how else to say but I am almost starting to go through feelings of loss that this part of my life is ending. I hope you see the difference between being okay with the future and ready for that now and not being stressed. To now almost feeling sad about finally reaching this healthy place.

By the way it started to turn bitterly cold again here on Thursday. Tonight its like 5 degrees outside with a wind chill of -13 F. Its freezing. . .kind of miserable. It makes me tired and not really interested in doing anything. I hate being cold and cold weather. . . I want to live in a nice Sunny temperate place all year around.

I went to Nation 2' Nation tonight. . . and that was okay. I always meet new and interesting people/students to talk to from all over the place. I feel connected at Nation 2 Nation, Midwest Ministries and Morning Star Church. I like them a lot, but I am constantly finding out since Guatemala I guess I realized it how long it takes to meet people and develop close friendships. I feel like I know a lot of people, but still I am not super close to anyone. The small group is going to help a lot. I am learning a lot about myself through all of this. . . that I need to trust God that much more with everything and rely on Him. But for example I don't know when it started hanging out with international students but I like physical contact with people. Be it a kiss on the cheek or both cheeks when you greet a woman, a handshake and a pat with a guy when you see him, more hugs from people, I don't know but I like that. I think all humans need to be touched, but for some reason that part of me has changed since being in college. Okay, so physical touch has nothing to do with what I was talking about with friendships, sorry! God is going to bless me in some amazing ways this semester I can feel it and am confident of this! It just takes time, prayer, and patience.

I think I am going to stop for now. . . besides this not a lot is new with me. I try to balance my blog as much as possible between events and whats happening and my own posts that are purely feelings mostly. I hope like this post for example has provided you with both and has given you a REAL glimpse into my life right now. That is as real as I can get or chose to express here.

Buenas Noches!

Dancing!

Yes, dancing. . . I went dancing last night in particular with a Latino flavor. Salsa, marengue, reggaton, rap you know all that fun stuff. Actually I happen to meet a girl at Nation 2'Nation last night from Plano Texas, but her parents are from Mexico. So of coure I was intrigured because she talks perfect Spanish and she was very pretty! She was with one of her friends from Cyprus, he was nice too but didn't really talk much I don't think. Well, as we were eating dinner she turned to me and goes, "do you like to dance? do you want to go dancing tonight?" I think I said something like maybe and she goes its a yes or no question, so what is it. . .I said yes of course. So, I met her there with her roomates (who were stuck up American girls) and they are freshman. YUCK, nothing worse than the typical college freshman girl who are ditzes. Okay I know its a stereotype and its not true in all cases but these girls just proved to me more last night why I don't really like American girls. These girls were rude and at the end were like together looking right at me and talking about me about who knows what. ..and I was like sorry I don't need this so I left early at about 1. I danced with the chica a lot last night but had to share her really with the guy from Cyprus. She is really good and somewhat of a good teacher. I am horrible, like I get all nervous and kind of freak out when I try to dance especially like that. But she had a way of making it more loose and comfortable and if I dare say it was kind of sexy! So I ended up enjoying the time at least when I was with her! And then when I decided to leave I stopped her before the next song started playing and she was going to dance with the other guy some more. I was very daring. . .but not really haha.. . I said you are a good dancer and a good teacher and kissed her on the cheek. SHOCKING, I know but she looked pleasantly suprised I thought. She said we'll go dancing every Friday night and she'll teach me because she loves to dance and has tons of energy! Umm. . . I am not sure what people are going to think of this post but if you think anything. . . think that I had fun and hope to have more fun dancing!

Spring Break in Miami!

I am so excited about going to Miami for Spring Break I cannot even began to explain the energuy in me just from thinking abou tit. I am going with three girls that I know pretty well and are good friends. We are staying in a suite hotel room in a fairly economic hotel on or where close to the beach! We booked the plane tickets and hotel room tonight for five nights six days in sunny hot Miami for Spring Break! It makes me think of the Will Smith song "Miami" that was popular in high school, I always liked it! My parents are so awesome too because my dad is like yeah we are going to pay for your part of the trip and I'll give you about $300 in cash for the week, WOOHOOO!!! So all that money that I have been saving and planning on having for the trip can go for more shopping money or just more money to save! I cannot wait. . .I wish I was going tomorrow but not for another five weeks or so!


By the way the lady in New Mexico about that job still has not called me back. Oh well, what can I do I have e-mailed her twice now with no response. I am hoping she is sick or on vacation or something and just forgot to tell me that because if not that is just flat out very rude!

Espanol!

Este semena ha pasado mas o menos bien. Estoy contento en este momento en mi vida porque Dios es bien. El Senor ya ha empazado hacer cosas en mi vida! Despues de yo de mi estres a El. . . yo solicite por un trabajo en Nuevo Mexico por e-mail. Yo mande una carta de presentacion y mi CV por un trabajo en un Center de salud Mental. Bueno, la proxima manana. . .una mujer mando a mi un e-mail que dijo: "Thank you for sending in your information about this job. I am very interested in talking to you about this position! Please let me know when we can set up a time to visit on the phone at the earliest convenience. Thanks!" Que bueno. . . todavia no he hablado con ella, pero estoy emocionado! Tambien mi padre me dijo que las personas que el cononce en Walmart y Tyson Chicken estan buscando mi CV este fin de semana. Si, pero no se si un trabajo en Walmart o Tyson Chicken seria bien para mi. . . yo usaria mi capacidad en trabajo social?

Anoche yo conoci una mujer es de Equador en Nation 2 Nation y sus ninos, pero no conoci su esposo porque el llego tarde. Me gusta Nation 2 Nation desde yo comence asistir el viernes pasado. Es divertido. . . hay estudiantes son de todos el partes del mundo, comida, y buena conversacion y juegos. Y si tengo suerte, yo puedo practicar mi espanol un poco.

Okay, hoy yo fui al supermarcado. . . siempre necesito comida. Es una contridicion pequena tambien porque usualmente no como bastante. Pienso que mi vista de mi cuerpo no es normal. Siempre pienso que debe ser mas flaco pero ya soy muy flaco.

Bueno, tambien yo encontre con mi amigo de Guatemala y su familia. Esta bien, pero mi espanol es mal. A menos me siento como mi espanol es horrible algunas veces despues placticamos. El esta muy ocupado. El esta trabajando en su tesis por un Ph.D y su familia. Es dificil muchas veces encontrar un equilibrio entre de clases y trabajo y familia. Nosotros tratamos de hacer mas cosas este semestre y mas que solamente placticar.

Okay, just a little disclaimer. . . I am not translating this if you can't read it. ANd for those of you who are Spanish speakers, I apologize to you too if you can't read or understand this. Hahah!