You know what I can't stand that has made me want to just start yelling cuss words or cuss someone out is? My landlords and the duplex that I am still currently living in until Sunday! My landlords seem to have no consideration, and damn it they should becuase I paid my rent for this month and have done everything right. Monday they had carpeters come in and rip out all of the carpet through the house except for my room and put down cheap burbor carpet. I never was called to say this was going to happen only later did they apologize because it isn't like it was distracting or anything. What else? This morning I am sleeping in and stuff you know becuase I don't have a job. And don't really hear much or think of anything until I hear people walking around in my house! I realized that it was painters after too long but I was f###ing mad! I called my landlord a little bit later and was like hi, who is at my house and why? I would have appreciated a call and he was like I thought my wife did that. BEEP! Then pretty much I have nothing to do and was just planning on staying at home anyway, but I am camped out in my room today just like yesterday. Because if I left maybe they wouldn't but how easy would it be for people to come in here in my room and take my neatly packed boxes and my computer, etc. And its not like these people are quiet with their radios and my landlord out there talking to them and laughing about stupid stuff. I just would like my landlords to know that I cannot wait to leave this crappy duplex and thank them for everything they have done this year to make it nicer! #@#%$, @#%$*& that is what I want to say!

I have not felt like blogging for the past couple of days till a week really, but that is okay. A couple of funny things happened last week, but at the time were very frustrating. Number one, I dropped my cell phone into a glass of water while laying in my bed one night and ruined it, So, I did not have a phone for about a day and a half and had two not so nice experiences at Cingular here in town. The people were not very nice in my opinion, but some of that could've been my attitude I was a bit mad. The same day I had the experiences at Cingular I am at home and was cooking some lunch. Well, I closed my bedroom door because I did not want some flys to get into my room. Later I go back to the room and I can't open the door, I accidently locked myself out of my own bedroom. I was like what to do my keys, wallet and everything is in there and I have to leave. I found a screwdriver and broke into my own bedroom! The doorknob is unfixable I think, I have to buy a new one.

I had my last conversation group ever last week and that is very sad to me and the same day Friday night my last official Nation 2' Nation. I cried during a little speech I gave in front of everyone, embarrassing! But I'll be up to visit a lot, my parents' house is only 3 hours away from here. I am still really bummed about leaving because everyone knows I consider my friends my family more than my own blood family most of the time. But a lot of my friends are really making me feel a little bit more special this week, which makes it all the harder to leave!

Packing is going okay I guess. I need boxes which will be happening soon, but yeah. Today pretty much the whole afternoon there were people at my house though ripping out all of the old carpet and putting new carpet down. It was loud and annoying and I stayed in my room pretty much the whole time. My landlord called and it was like I thought it would be okay, we thought you would be at work all day. Last week he came over and ripped out all of the basement carpet while I was gone and asked before he did it, so it was okay. But today no warning or notice! I cannot really wait to leave this duplex anyway, it is pretty crappy!

Today I started to read a book that I have read before called, Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, one of my favorite authors. I tried to start another book in Spanish of mine that I haven't got to yet and with everything going on my mind couldn't do it. But I started the book today and I am through the first 100 pages already. The first chapter, in my opinion, is one of the best opening chapters to a book of all time. It is a love story. . . a girl and a man fall into an intense love relationship only communicating by secret letters. Well, she ends up marrying someone else and the first chapter of the book describes them and their marriage in a beautiful way after fifty years together. Well, the husband dies and enter the former love back into the woman's life. I really like the book, but I love to read books anyway!

Book Review

So, Jorge Ramos's memoir or autobiography Atravesando Fronteras only makes me want to meet him more after reading the book. I admire many things about Mr. Ramos, but there are some things that I do not agree with him on or I feel pain in my heart from some of his views about certain things or experiences he has been in. I admire a lot how he takes care of himself and the people he is close to by being it seems like a good friend and loves his family. He has had to make some pretty tough decisions in his life and he has made those and has triumphed over them without really looking back. He seems to be a pretty humble, down to earth man, and does not seem to write as a man with an ego problem. I admire his views about immigration and a strong advocate for the Hispanic Community in the U.S.

My heart feels pain when I read about how he does not really believe in a God or has any clear direction spiritually due to past experiences with the Catholic Church and School in Mexico. He seems to be a man always searching for something more and almost wants to believe in a loving God, but can't because he has too many doubts or sees people being hipocritical. I also feel sad in what he describes as his homeless state. He does not feel at home anywhere, Mexico his native country or the U.S. always feeling like an immigrant. Mexico because he has been gone so long because he left his family and everything behind when he was 25 and has not returned to live there since. There is a lot of intense feelings there from what I can tell and I could only imagine what that would be like. But at the same being in the U.S. for 20 years he still feels like a foreigner even though much of his life is here. He describes that the only true home he felt like was there is the house he grew up in in Mexico City with his family. He dreams about it every night if he is lucky and the dream is always about this home. WOW!

I think this book really made me think about my life and in someways feel like I am able to relate to Mr. Ramos. I mean right now I kind of feel like I have been on a search for my home for a while and where that really is and what that feels like. For me leaving Kansas is like leaving my home and going to live with my parents and brother again in the same house is like foreign to me, a place that I used to call home but not anymore. I know my life isn't as extreme as his life, but who knows maybe I will end up leaving this country someday to live in South America or Guatemala or something teaching English and working on social issues. Some other points that Mr. Ramos hits on his book is his strong advocacy for Hispanics in the U.S. which I am all about and just his views on social issues in general. I feel like we would have similar political views and ideas about how to end the cycle of poverty and what a country's government should consider important that type of thing. This book impacted me more than I thought on many levels. Pretty much I wish I had an internship at Univision and could just be like Mr. Ramos's assistant for about a month.

So I read this book in Spanish and I wrote all of this in English I need to practice more I guess about talking about a book that I read in Spanish in Spanish.

It is Official I am Moving Back to Missouri.

Yes, after a lot of thinking, praying, and many hard decisions before me I have decided to move back to Missouri with my family until I figure things out. Right now I do not feel good about the possibility of staying here another year and with all the complications about finding an apartment, God was telling me something. I really do not want to go back to Missouri and live with my family, but I really believe that is the wisest thing right now. I actually feel at peace now and happy that I have made a decision about my life to go in one direction or the other. I only plan to be there on a temporary basis, try to be out by Thanksgiving and my parent's want me there but not really I think. I'll keep you all posted, but I am still trying to process it all too and the implications of my decision.

Thanks for all of your support!

A Break from the Normal Weekend

So a bit of context first. One of my good friends who is now living in Florida and will be a new teacher this year emailed me earlier this week and was like I think I am coming to Missouri this weekend. We have been trying to plan sometime when we would see each other this summer, so there you go. Anyway, she was going to come with one of her good friends from Florida and they were going to try to fly into KC. Then I would drive them from KCI about the three hour trip to her house and then probably leave that night after one of her grandparents' famous fish fries. Well, I heard nada until about Friday night at like 7:45. My friend was driving from Florida to Missouri and was checking to make sure I could pick up her friend the next day from KCI at around noon. WHAT?! But okay fine and I'll get a good dinner out of it or so I thought and would make the best out of the ride from the airport to her hometown with this perfect stranger.

The ride down to my friend's hometown ended up being quit enjoyable with her friend. We talked the whole four hours about fun to deep things even at lunch at O'Charlies. We had a good time talking about my friend and some of her faults or things that are just can be her and only her. We actually had a good time agreeing on several things, but it was all in good fun nothing horrible.

We got there and it was nice to be done with driving and get ready for the fish fry and at this point pretty much decided that I would be staying the night after everyone wanting me to stay. Okay. . . the fish fry was great with all her family there, good food, and wine. Later that night my friend, her friend (my new friend) and I went on the roof to talk a bit and stare at the stars. It was amazing and kind of surreal!

Next day I went to church and lunch with everyone and decided to go on the lake with all of them too and pretty much I would be leaving Monday morning early. So a less than half a day trip turned into 2 nights and at least a day and a half trip. But we went on the lake that afternoon and evening and that was a blast a bit hot, but no sunburn here. Some of them went skiing and I went tubing for the first time and was pretty good at it for my first time I thought. My good friend surprised me at one point and decided to share the tube with me and do that, we had a blast laughing and everything that wiping out didn't really bother us. Then my friend's dad was going to ski and she was going to drive this old boat until she broke the key off in the ignition. This was proceeded by "oh gosh, oh gosh" while I was in the front seat and got excited and dropped a whole bag of chex mix all over the front of the boat. My friend's dad didn't get to ski but somehow we got the boat started again with a pair of pliers. We went to her grandparents boat for snacks and dinner. We were in a cover and my friend wanted to jump off of some of the cliffs and I followed her because her parents told me to. Well we ended up going a good ways followed by me saving my friend's life three different times. Of course she just wanted to jump and thought it was deep enough until I went down all three times and came back up after touching the bottom. Then we scaled the rocks back together for the most part back to where the boat was with a few tense funny moments of one person freaking out and the other one having to grab the other one. We both made it back in one piece though after a good time, but I was exhausted. Then we ate and finally went back that was the afternoon and evening on the lake, the perfect day!

I left there about 6:30 this morning after a pretty good weekend out of the ordinary!

What else? Oh yeah I don't know if I am going to stay in Kansas anymore, I am leaning on going back to Missouri again until I figure out what to do. There have been a lot of complications lately with stuff, a lot of stress that now I am leaning more in the direction of not staying. We'll see though, but this weekend helped me think about some things more objectively and out of context that I think I was able to listen to my gut and inside more. I don't know, pretty much everything in my life right now is unclear except a few solid things! What a fun place to be in!

A Tale of When I Had Relations with the County of Estonia

Yes, I am going to publish a post about the semester and a half that I had relations with the beautiful country of Estonia. This all happened during the school year of 2004-2005 when this girl K. was here in the U.S. We still talk via computer every once in a while. I just want to set the record straight that out of everything that happened I do not regret any of it and that is why I feel free to talk about this past relationship/short fling thing.

You see, I met K at International Student Orientation in August of 2004 and she was a pretty girl. I remember going to a party not to long after that which she was at and maybe having too much to drink and pretty much sitting down leaning with my back against her legs. I think at this point I must have realized that maybe there was something there but didn't really do anything about it. Nothing really happened until the ISA (International Student Association) annual Halloween Party. Before that I was kind of interested in this French girl (not the same one some of you might be thinking of) and things weren't going anywhere. Well that night at the Halloween Party I asked K out on a date and she said, "Yes" to my surprise and delight. Well two days later on a Saturday I picked her up for our first date and we went downtown for lunch. We talked, well I talked a lot which I always do and she just sat there and smiled. She also made me order for her that day, which I didn't know if that was culture but I thought that was kind of cool like she was letting me have the control. I remember walking back to the car and talking about how that was fun and we should continue hanging out/dating if she wanted to and she was like, "sure, if you want to" kind of thing. The End of the First Date.

The actual official relationship only lasted probably like three weeks to a month. But we would like go to parties with each other and we both always ended up pretty drunk and having a good time that first semester. Good times! I would go over to her apartment on campus and we would end up on the couch laying down together talking or watching TV or whatever usually till 1 or 2 in the morning whenever I decided to leave. We had lunch on campus and did that sort of stuff, but it wasn't really anything serious. I remember shortly after we started going out though she told me about this German guy who I knew too that came out and said he liked her after we started dating. She knew this, but she liked me better and everything was okay but it made me feel good knowing that she would pick me over this guy, that sort of thing.

The end of the official relationship. . . one Saturday night I went over to her apartment with a bottle of wine and food to cook dinner with dessert. This ended up being a success and we ended up drinking the bottle of wine that night between us plus a little vodka later. Well, of course we ended up on the couch cuddling, talking whatever you want to say. Then at some point in the course of the night we ended up laying on the floor and I was completely naive, but at the same time how was I that stupid. She turned over late in the night/early morning and was like "don't you want to kiss me or something like this?" Well, okay so I rolled over to kiss her . . . and for some reason a brief second after that I felt uncomfortable and stopped. Then we didn't talk for a while and like ten minutes later at like 4:30 in the morning I just said I had to leave. YEAH. . .

Three days later we met on campus for coffee and talked and decided to just be friends. But like everything the friendship was complicated and the line was blurred. Her birthday was a couple of weeks later and I remember going to her party with a gift and we both got drunk. We were like by each other and close the whole night, but didn't kiss or anything like that but whatever was left from the relationship was still obviously there at least the attraction. I thought she was a very pretty girl, some people would think differently. Then we both got each other Christmas gifts and I still have the card and gift she got me. She gave me a picture book of the region of Estonia she is from and the card had three phone numbers for the three different cities she might be on at any given time and email address. Over the break I called Estonia three times I think and we talked a bit and a lot through MSN you know that sort of stuff. But then.. . .

The first day I was back in Lawrence after being with my friend in Detroit for nine days we texted each other on cell phones a lot that kind of thing. Well, the first night I went with two other friends to Chipotle and didn't expect to see her there with her good friend from Germany. Well, that was weird because I just went up and pretty much gave her a quick hug and we didn't talk much because I didn't want my two friends to think anything. Like, "what the hell is he doing with that girl." Well, that was pretty much the end right there of any other romance that might've occurred. I think like the next week or so on campus we had lunch and talked and I came out with that I still liked her or something. And her response was, "Shit, shit!" Weird. . . and then a couple months later like in March we were having lunch and at the very end, the very end like she didn't want to say anything, but that she got a boyfriend. But after everything and because she waited I knew. . .

So, like I said she left at the end of the school year and we still talk via MSN sometimes. But some of you know this story and others of you don't, but I just felt like sharing and really have nothing to hide. I don't regret that, it was actually a fun year.

A Beautiful Wedding on Cape Cod for two of my Best Friends!

What more can I say? The weather was perfect, not too hot clear blue skies with a view of the cape in the background at a villa. Everyone looked beautiful, happy, and in love the most important thing. I don't think I have ever been to a more beautiful wedding with such elegantness and just simple beauty. The food was great, all three or four courses of it, good company. The only thing was that my ear hurt because it was clogged and it was driving me crazy and did for the first two days I was on the Cape. I am so happy two of my best friends got married and I know they will be happy together forever!

I thought Cape Cod is truly an amazing place, I love the trees that nestle you in on all sides except maybe the ocean. I got to stay in the most charming like summer house places I've ever been at with a pool nicer than a lot of hotels. It was so peaceful most of the time besides stressing out about my ear, or trying to change flights, etc. . .But during the day I just loved to go in one of the rooms with the windows and the sun coming in and sit in a really comfortable chair or lay on the couch and read my book or write in my journal. I had such an inner peace during those times and felt like there was no need to worry about anything!

We also went to a beach one day which was really nice to just walk up and down the beach with my legs in the ocean. I wrote later that day in my journal how much I love the beach and the ocean. Its like it transforms me to another place that is quit peaceful and outside of my everyday reality. I could be on a very busy beach I suppose or whatever and still feel that solitude that comes with staring into the water, feeling the sand, and listening to the waves. The beach is truly an amazing place! But a lot of the time on the Cape it was nice to just feel like it was just me and things were quiet and I could think and write without getting to stressed out.

But the main reason I was there was for the wedding. I was so happy to be there for my friends - even though I didn't get to talk to them that much - its okay. My friend, (the groom), the night the guys went out before the wedding really did a good job of letting me know he was glad I was there though. At one point, I think we both were tipsy, but that doesn't matter he came and sat by me in the booth while everyone else was standing and really affirmed our friendship so to speak. It was special to me - -I won't forget that conversation. But there were other little things like when my friend (the bride) was opening gifts. I wrote a little note but it was personal and didn't get any gift though. I will though - I'll make up for that because I got back to my parents and they think that it is appaling. But anyway she read my note and I could tell it meant something. But anyway I wish them all the happiness they deserve! I can't wait to move back in a couple of months to the Midwest because then I'll get to see them more again, like the good old days!

Does anyone else have this problem?

I am going to Massachusetts to an exclusive area on Saturday and will be there till sometime next Wednesday. Well, that is if I leave because leaving on Wednesday is kind of strange. I am supposed to call the airline at like 9:00 AM and tell them I missed my 6:15 AM flight so I can get on the next flight. Its only a $25 fee compared to a higher amount to change flights before.

Anyway, back to my main problem. I have a little nightmare that I am going to be not dressed up enough while I am there or that at the wedding I am going to be so undressed it will be embarrassing. I know the bride is the main part of the wedding, but I don't want to stick out so bad that Clinton and Stacy from What Not to Wear or tracking me down while my friend is walking down the isle. Like was I supposed to order a custom made suit? Because I got news I didn't. I mean like tomorrow I am going to buy a tie and a belt, but can I really wear a navy jacket with a black belt and black shoes? I just hope the whole five days that I am there I look good enough to be on the East Coast. . . This is really causing anxiety here!
(Okay, without thinking that I am a homosexual or that vain. . . Most of this was just being funny and sarcastic. Well, most being the key word there.)

On to other news, I have decided that dating is a relative term of a relationship that two people may or may not be in at any given time. For instance, a lot of people don't really ever define a relationship as dating, but a lot of people might classify them as dating or make assumptions. Like two people might be hanging out to see if they really like each other better, they might be getting together to only watch movies (but they aren't socializing at all), they might be getting together to make out or do other stuff. My point is only this what is dating and why do people need to always be defining their relationships? Or once two people do start dating why is the relationship all of a sudden have to take on a new meaning or go to some "other level" which where is the categories of "levels" listed? You know. . . some good and wise friends of mine said often at a certain time in my life that I liked the idea of having a girlfriend or having a relationship, which I would agree on. But now that is not it. . . it is more like what if I really don't want to throw myself in or commit to a dating a relationship when I don't even know how strongly I feel towards a person. Not saying that I am dating or not dating someone right now. . . because dating is relative.
(This is supposed to be on the comical side too.)
HAHAHA to this whole post - it is silly!

STRESS! (well a little anyway)

I don't know if I ever thought I would say it. . . but lately I have been feeling a little bit of burn out around international students. Maybe some of this has to do with the turning into a little bit of an ESL teacher this summer for like twenty six hours a week and then another ten hours doing conversation groups. The schedule is so random too. . . but anyway I don't know. This week my goal is to get proper sleep I think so I am full rested everyday ready to work with the students I am working with. I am hoping also that next week when I am in Cape cod for five days that it will be somewhat relaxing, but fun!

I found out how much I owe in student loans today because I am consolidating before the interest rates go up again. It isn't that much. . . but it is still another bill I am going to have to be aware of every month starting in December.

I think I am going to go ahead and put an apartment application next week with my friend. My parents will not be happy but once the application is in and if we get accepted that will be final. Maybe I'll tell them a couple of weeks before move in day, but they know my current lease ends at the end of July. Hopefully though I'll have a job secured by the middle of July or something. I had an interview this week with the school district for paraeducator positions, they are hiring like 50 something throughout the district. Surely I can one of those. . . it doesn't pay enough but it would be enough to get me through I think. Plus possibly be tutoring a student or two too.

My friend got back from her trip to China last night. It was nice to see her and talk to her. . . it could be safe to say that I probably did miss her. I still don't know.

Lately God has been giving me an exciting task! I am like a missionary here in Kansas to international students especially students from the Middle East who are Islamic. I have been asked a lot lately about my religion and what I believe in, etc. I am also reading a book right now called Inside Islam. God is working up here and Kansas with all these students and it is awesome to me that He is using me in whatever aspect.

Oh by the way I did watch the Mexico vs. Argentina World Cup Game today. Although my dad is in Buenos Aires right now I was cheering for Mexico! It was a very exciting game I thought. . . but Mexico did muy bien!

TODAY

8:00 Wake-up and prepare for the day.
9:10 - 10:10sh Conversation Group on campus in the union
10:15sh Deposit money in the bank
10:30-12:20 Tutored student from Libyia in English (every morning - times vary)
12:45 Went to bookstore in union and bought three books for children to use in my English tutoring sessioins. ($50, maybe get some of that back if studetns buy the books from me)
1:00-2:00 Conversation Group
2:00 - 3:35sh Met with new student from China that I will be tutoring twice a week for two hours in his apartment
3:45 - 4:50 Went home and walked the dog, had about ten minutes to relax
5:00 - 7:00 Met with student from Saudi Arabia that I tutor everyday for two hours (next week 5-8)
7:00 - on Read some, cook some chicken for tomorrow, take Bear out, shower, and reveiw maybe the 10 articles that an international stduent sent me!!!

Bed time soon and tomorrow I'll start at about 7:30. I have a job interview tomorrow at 1 for a paraprofessional position in the school district here. And I will do only five hours of English conversation/tutoring tomorrow!

By the way the lady called me tonight about the Adult ESL Teacher position here. She offered the position to another person, which is kind of a let down!

This is life!

Que pasa con T.

I am still reading Cien anos de soledad slowly but surely. I keep getting distracted by other books and such. Like when I was at home this weekend I went to Barnes and Noble and bought Jorge Ramos's autobiography Atravesando Fronteras. I like it so far, interesting like I would expect it to be. I feel a little embarrassed sometimes that I have this sense of admiration toward the guy, which I will meet him someday, jaja! No really it is not like he is super famous. . . its like when I was a little kid and thought Michael Jordan was so cool because he was an awesome basketball player. But anyway I am probably one of the few gringos in these parts who knows who Senor Ramos is.

But on to other news I have been busy. I started to work for the Applied English Center on campus again for the summer until a job comes fourth. I am doing about ten hours a week there for $6.50/hour. I am also tutoring two students in English for two hours a day Monday-Friday for ten hours a week at $5/hour. Then I might be starting to work with another student some for $10/hour possibly. I have not advertised or anything like that and students come up to me and just want me to tutor them for money. Interesting. . . something I love to do and get paid for it! But I am finding out that it is more than that, I have to prepare stuff and my mind does get tired from it all sometimes. (That is why I am reading books in Spanish and watching TV in Spanish when I can - gives me mind a break!) But I really had a good job interview last Friday for an Adult ESL Teacher with the school district here. It would be part-time but I could do that and maybe tutor one or two students each week and I would be good.

By the way I told my friend who I am planning on living with next year that I am 98% sure that I am going to go through it even if I don't have a real job by then. Somehow it will work out and I'll make it through next year. My dad doesn't want me to sign a lease, he doesn't understand why I want to stay here. I am not going to have any money and on and on. He told me that if I sign a lease then that is it, I am on my own to pay for everything because they aren't going to help me. They will see me for Christmas because that is the only time I'll be able to afford to go home! But I cannot live at home with my family again, I can't! I am going to be poor next year like scraping pennies, but I am convinced something or somehow it is going to work. Maybe I have been spoiled my whole life and I need a wake up call on what real life really is like.

I think that is it for now. There is a lot of stuff going on it seems like and life is a bit stressful with pressure and everything. But I am getting through and it is all good and will be good! I think I will stop here though. . . feel free to contact me about whats up with me though, we can chat!

T's Book Club

This morning I finished Persuasion by Jane Austen. I found this book to be enjoyable and easy to get through at a quick pace. It was true to Jane Austen form with the characters and language, but this story in some way I think was funnier than other Jane Austen books. The main character Anne is in love with captain Wentworth the whole book and he loves her. They were engaged at one point before the story began eight and a half years ago, but she broke it off because her closest acquaintances convinced her to because he was poor. Well, comes to find out not to much later he does make a lot of money and it looks Anne made a mistake. But she never admits that because it was her duty to follow the persuasions of Lady Russell (a mother character to her.) Well, the story is how Anne and Captain Wentworth become known to each other again through common acquaintances and what follows. They were both jealous of each other at points, but would or could never say anything because of social rules and such. The funniest character in the whole book of course had to be Mary, Anne's sister who married into a family with enough money to take care of her for life. But she never seems to fit in with this well to do family and is always complaining about how hard life is and to raise her obnoxious kids. Haha - especially since Anne comes for a couple of months and for the most part the kids mind her. Pretty much Mary is spoiled or think she is above raising her own kids properly I guess. In this book and in most of Jane Austen's book where there is a woman and a man who usually always end up happy together by the end know the other person so well. For example, Anne and Capitan Wentworth like do not even have to talk or look each other that long but they can look at the person's face and its like they know or feel what the other person is. I mean that is love, but the thing is that even when they know with a 100% certainty what the other person thinks or feels on a certain subject it means nothing, its like their torture. A torture to know a person so well and to be in love with that person but think you will never be with them. And then by the end the two characters always are happy and surprised that they ended up together. And then and only then can they really open up and converse with that person freely. I cannot imagine. . . I think if I loved a woman and had to wait that long to be able to talk openly with them I would explode. I would not probably be esteemed as a person with social manners and order because I would just want to talk to someone rather it was socially acceptable or not. Overall, I liked Persuasion for its humor, complicatedness, and for a general good story.

First things first, who thinks I need to change my blog layout because you do not like it for whatever reasons? Let me know. . .

let me tell you how boring my life has been lately. I still have no job, no one is calling me back and I won't know for at least another week on another job if I'll get called for a second interview. I put in an application here at the public school district here for something maybe. . .It isn't social work but its close. This whole transition stage really isn't as much fun as it is cracked up to be, it actually is stressful. At this point I am living week to week and nothing more, do what I have to do. But I have to focus on the positives like next week I have my job that I had on campus for as long as needed or until the end of July which ever comes first. It is only about 10 hours a week though and some training working with international students, which I love so it is a win win situation!

but for the time being I have a lot of things to do: books, TV, and the beach at the lake. Right now I am reading cien anos de soledad, in Spanish as much as I can take at one sitting. Usually about one or two chapters at a time before my brain gets tired. I am also reading persuasion, by Jane austen. I am liking it so far, it is truly Jane austin form and it is kind of funny in a humorous way. I also borrowed my friend's book desiring god and will probably start that at some point. On to other news I have seen four movies in like three weeks over the hedge, the break up, xmen 3, and the da Vinci code. 75% of the da vinci code was boring. Over the hedge was cute and funny. I liked x men 3 all right. I thought the break up was entertaining but remember people it is about a break up and it is yelling and fighting that is why they are breaking up. I think its funny to watch it and the ending is more realistic than everything.

what else? Is it to soon to talk about a new person who happens to be a girl that I might be starting to hang out with more? You guessed it too if you think she is not from the us, she is from Ethiopia. But anyway. . .

okay, well in true teenage superficial form the hills is on tonight, the continuation of the show Laguna beach on mtv. haha, I think it is funny, but the one girl is not bad to look at!

What A Trip!

Monday I woke up and was not planning on a completely random road trip, but I really wanted to see The Alamo in San Antonio. Well, I ended up in Dallas and stayed with my friend at his new place and just hung out and shopped yesterday and left last night. It was my little graduation gift to myself. . . it was good. I didn't send that much money either. Yesterday I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner at all good places. I found Mockingbird Station by myself and bought a pair of sunglasses for $10 on sale at Urban Outfitters. I found the North Park Mall by myself and its a nice sophisticated mall, that will be even more this next Fall. I bought a pair of shoes at Sketchers, they all casual and go with jeans. This is all I bought, which is amazing for me! So I left last night at about 7:45ish maybe and that is when the adventure really starts.

My friend suggested a faster different way for me to get back here to Lawrence going through Tulsa. Well, Oklahoma turned out to be rather confusing. . . I ended up taking a back scenic route on state highway 75 instead of the interstate 75 somehow. I was on some two lane road in the middle of central Oklahoma, which took some time before I got to I-40 and then could take that to I-75. I missed the Indian Nations Turnpike, well after all this I still managed to go a little bit too far east on I-40. Yeah, I missed the exit to 75 and had to turn around like 15 miles later, yuck! I filled up on gas a little south of Tulsa because it was the cheapest I saw the whole trip. Then I got to Tulsa and I-44 and was craving tacos from Taco Bell. I ended up getting off of an exit and not finding anything and then going down the side road a couple of miles around midnight along I-44 before I could get back on because of construction. Finally, I got a bit past Tulsa and found a Taco Bell and ordered three tacos. I tried to eat one while driving did not work out too well and I was making a mess. A few more exits and I got off and I pulled into a church parking lot and ate my tacos on a country road. Then I drove and finally got into Kansas at maybe 2 o'clocksh? Exact time is a bit blurry.

Well, I was pretty tired driving on 169 North in Kansas. I was like on the verge of falling asleep many times. I got out of Coffeville and about 26 miles south of Chanute I pulled over on some County Road. I sat there for a minute and figured I could take a short nap. I got out of the car and stretched and peed on the side of the road. Well, got back in the car and figured after that I could drive again. I was driving, driving doing somewhat okay and I think I went through some town that if you blinked you would miss. Well, next thing I know there is a car doing a U turn on the road to come and pull me over. Okay, I was speeding I don't really know how fast and the speed limit was like 35 though this town. Well, the police officer took my license and insurance card and asked me some basic questions. I was like "I can't get a ticket! I can't get a ticket, etc.!" After like at least five minutes of waiting in my car the police officer gets out of the car after discussing with the other officer I guess hands me my stuff and is like, "Slow down, watch the signs, and be careful!" Thanks officer - - - no ticket!

Started driving again and was really tired almost falling asleep and all of that etc. I am not sure where I pulled over again on some side road but I did and sat there, got out and peed, blah blah. I thought I was ready to go again after 10 minutes or so and drove. I was so tired! At one point I saw some green flash shoot across the sky. . . that was weird I thought its a UFO. . . I didn't imagine that! I didn't see anything after that though. Finally got to the last stretch and that was horrible. . . praise God I didn't completely fall asleep! I made it back here and was in my bedroom at 5:10 AM. I might have slept about a half an hour and then watched the Today Show. It was the last one Katie Courik co-anchored and I had to watch, The Today Show was a big part of growing up. I always remember watching it especially before school, but anyway I watched it.

And I have slept a lot of the day away after that. . . .I have another job interview on Friday.

I am a Graduate!

Yes, I indeed graduated on Sunday walked down the hill and everything! My parents and grandparents came up for the weekend. It was a busy two days full of events that make you really tired, but that is what graduation is for. I felt very proud knowing that my whole family was very proud of me. From the social work graduation, to all the receptions, walking down the hill, and going to parties to meet my friends and their families, it was worth it! I now have an LBSW (Licensed Bachelors of Social Work), which I am proud of a lot. I got a lot of cool stuff for graduation too. My mom and dad bought me a really expensive watch. . . so now I have one from high school graduation and another for college. THey also got me a big new piece of luggage. My brother got me a brief case. I also got some money and cards. My friend that I went to Miami with for Spring Break made us all a collage of pictures from the trip that spells the word family. It is really cool! Another good friend got me a nice tea set, rock on! The weekend was very exhausting but it was worth it! And walking down the hill is a bit anti climatic, but at the same time it felt so good to do it!

So this week the job hunt continues. . . the hopeful job that I have talked about before well they offered it to someone else. Well, I had in my email about a job possibility here and that if you were interested email the lady a cover letter and resume. It is doing case management with people with HIV/AIDS. This is something I can do and would be interested in. So I sent my stuff in and about an hour later get an email back from the lady saying so can you come in for an interview on Friday. I was like "YES!" so I am going Friday at 1:00 for a job interview here. Praise God! But the search continues. . . keeping the options open. So right now I am looking like I want to stay here for at least another year or two. Then save my money and move to Peru or something like that.

One step at a time. . .

SO. . .

So how am I doing? Okay, nothing really new to report for me, but read on there are a few suprises probably - - -

First, The girl and I are not dating. Which is fine I am the one that took the step to clear that up this morning over breakfast at a restaurant (so there is no room to think something else there). Anyway, we started talking about past relationships we both have been in. I kind of felt like that was where the conversation going on. But for me past relationships that is a difficult question. I have not been in a lot of "actual" relationships, but have been in some relationships that I feel like I should count. I mean some of them have ended just like a real relationship I've had the good, bad, the ugly, and the real ugly! Anyway, so I just said at one point "we are just good friends right?" Yes, we were on the same page but do not feel like it would be healthy or needed to back off from the friendship. I agree, and we agreed to be completely honest if anything does come up or develop. Okay, so I am being pretty direct on this one with my readers, so everyone always remember NO names and keep things anonymous in your comments! But anyway as far as this issue is concerned I think I was just trying to hard to convince myself that I could like her like her as more than friends. It is not the time, the place, or the right person for me I do not think. We value each other's friendship a lot and that will not change. Enough on that subject.

I went home on Tuesday morning and came back on Wednesday night. Everyone was really busy, surprise surprise! My mom was finishing her research paper for her master's class and then had to drive to her work the next day early which is about two hours away. My dad took an exam for his real estate license the first night which took most of the time. I was content though reading Cien anos de soledad. It was home. . . I found out that my brother will not be coming up for graduation. My mom was like, "I didn't think it would be a big deal and its more convenient for him to stay with the car space and to watch the dog. Unless its a big deal to you." Come on - - my brother has came up here like three times maybe in four years and he is not even going to make it to graduation. I know we aren't that close, but what the hell is that all about?! Wednesday morning I had breakfast with dad and of course he attempted to stress me out. Then we went to visit my grandma in the hospital who is going through cheamo for stomach cancer, not working that well. She is sick and I don't know how much she was actually there in the conversation. The next and probably last option for her is a blood marrow transfusion. I don't know God can heal her, praying for a miracle, but at the same time she could be dying. Then I went to the grocery store with my dad who bought $170 worth of stuff at the grocery store!!! So, this pretty much concludes the highlights of my trip home. I will see my parents and grandparents when they come up on Saturday for graduation.

I borrowed some movies from home that I brought back here to watch. I will provide my opinions of the two I have watched so far. Last night I watched Elizabethtown
Today, however, I watched a movie that I don't know if I would reccomend to anyone really. Match Point a movie that I was excited about seeing and my mom was too I think that is why it was at my house. The movie was kind of boring, but it is highly disturbing. Like I guess it was provocative in some way, but calling it a sex thriller, well its not what I expected. Not that I was hoping just for sex, but anyway. The movie is about a guy that falls in love or lusts after his brother-in-law's ex-fiance and this is in London, rich people. Well, to cut it short the guy gets the girl he has having an affair with pregnant, but him and his wife can't get pregnant. The problem is that he does not love his wife, he is bored but does not want to give up his upscale life, his very upscale life because her dad is pretty much "the man" or his boss. Well, the wife does get pregnant and he ends up killing the other girl and one of her older neighbors in the building. The very scary part is that at the end of the movie he gets away with it! Like the last scene is everyone at their flat overlooking London and their new baby boy right out of the hospital. He is looking out the window and guilt pretty much and the wife comes over and kisses him and is like I bet you the next one is a girl! There were quit a few references and parallels to Dostoevsky in this movie that were pretty good and right on. But all in all afterwards I felt utterly sick after watching this movie! I am sorry if I ruined it for anyone, go ahead and watch it.

On a much lighter note I watched the series finale of Will and Grace tonight. I was generally happy with how it ended. But of course me being weird I always thought Will and Grace should've been together like completely. For some reason I always thought that somehow Will would end up being "straight" in love with Grace after everything. Oh well, it still ended nice though. I think that a lot of the show was way too far out there for me at times and all of that but it was in general entertaining. I think it did a good job of sometimes depicting real life and society to some degree for a comedy sit-com. Especially the arguments between Will and Grace. But anyway. . . Its over there isn't much to say about it.

I still don't have a job by the way just so everyone knows. The agency has not called me this week after I called them last week and they were still deciding. They said they would call this week I am guessing if they have not called yet, I don't have it. I'll call tomorrow though I guess.

I am having lunch with my friend from Costa Rica tomorrow - - after that I am not sure when I'll see her again especially if I don't stay around here. Things are starting to become more real at this point that I am graduating and a whole new chapter of life is going to start. Wow - that was deep!

Dating.

Okay, I have to admit that dating is probably going to describe a relationship that I am in at the current time. It is just casual, nothing serious just still getting to know each other better and hang out, but at the same time something is there or the potential for something to be there in the future and not just a random friendship. It is confusing, exciting, and added to everything else going on in my life still it has a lot of "what ifs." I cannot get away from the "what ifs" in anything! But this girl and I talk a lot and have been seeing more of each other. Last week we went to a Thai restuarant downtown that we both like and that was nice before the student ministry meeting on campus that night. Today we met at Target and hung out a little bit while I got some stuff that is needed, then we went downtown. We were going to meet a bunch of people at the Thai restaurant at 7 for a friend's birthday. We decided to go to the Tea House before that and just hang out before dinner. We talked for about an hour I guess; in the process she taught me some Mandarin Chinese and I taught her some Spanish. We ended up getting at the Thai restaurant at about 7:40sh. So anyway its fun!

Next weekend my family is coming up for graduation with my grandparents so that is exciting! I think I am going to have to tell my family, well at least my mom that hey I am kind of seeing this person that you are going to meet, but don't make it a big deal. My grandma though. . . will say anything under the sun, so try to maybe keep it on a downlow for her! haha! Anyway, but it will be nice to see my family up here and show them around and meet my friends, etc.

I am hoping sometime this week to be able to share some big news about a job possibility. Keep praying for me that God will put me will He wants me!

Oh by the way, I am Done DONE with college! (at least for a couple of years)

I am Done!!!

I have finished my last class of my undergrad degree this afternoon. I turned in my last two papers in my morning class this morning. One that was a 11 pages that I stayed up until about 2 AM proofreading. Which by the way is fun when you are really tired and having to do some major revisions because you realized that the first draft had some awkward and wordy sentences in it maybe due to the fact of drinking about a glass and a half of wine at the time. I finished it though and felt sad to be completing my last paper, but proud that after four years I am done and will be graduating! I really have not processed everything yet I do no think about being done and what this means. I have many mixed emotions now that it is finally here happy, proud, but sad and almost empty too. I have been trying to prepare myself for everything ending for a couple of months now, but now that it is finally here it is weird! Tomorrow is my last day of practicum and that is sad becasue that means I will have to really say good bye to my kids and everything I have worked on wih them there. I hope that they all figure out how to survive and stay out of trouble, which will be hard and go on to reach their dreams and live productive lives. WOW! I really do not know what else to really say at this point. . .

I am still waiting to hear back from a job possibility to see if they will offer it to me, which I want! I have a really good vibe about it though and pray that maybe it is in the cards for me! I'll let you know the details later if I get it.

On to the next part of my life I guess. . .

In response to my friend's link to my blog by saying "hombre versus mundo" this is her reply:

Porque me parece que estás en eterno conflicto con el mundo -con tus situaciones, con el trabajo, con el sexo opuesto... al menos es eso lo que me encanta de tí. Según Milton, nuestros conflictos son una parte necesaria y positiva del proceso de crecimiento, y a mí me parece increíble poder ser audiencia del crecimiento tuyo.
- - Used with permission by Valparaiso, 2006-

I will try to translate for her:

Because it seems to me that you are in an eternal conflict with the world - by your situations or events, your work or job (talking about the job hunt i guess), my relationship with the opposite sex (speaking of the girl that I have blogged about recently). . . at least this is what I love about you. Following Milton, our conflicts are a necessary and positve part of the growing process, and it is incredible to me that I can be a witness or part fo the audience to your growing process.

My friend please post corrections or clarifications where you see fit. Pero pienso que entender tu mensaje.

A couple of days ago I ordered on amazon.com the movie "Un dia sin mexicanos" or "A day without Mexicans" and tonight I watched it. I have to say I really liked it. . . I laughed, I was entertained, I thought seriously, and I almost cried a couple of times! That was a good movie. . . pretty much the plot being is that one day all of the Latinos disappear out of the state of California and the events and stories that follow. It is so relevant to today's topics around immigration and it made me think of the boycott movement on Monday and all of that. After watching the movie I was on the internet looking at my own blog and decided to click on my own link to the Jorge Ramos website. They finally posted his latest articles from last week and this week. Last week the article was about the upcoming boycott and Senor Ramos used the movie that I just watched "Un dia sin mexicanos" as a key part of the article. Once again. . . Jorge si lees mi blog, ya se que tu lo visitas cada dia "we are on the same page!" Obviously Jorge I know you have knowledge of English, but just anytime you want leave a comment just so I know you are with me, haha! We need to work together on some stuff!

Una amiga has a link to my blog from her blog. Great! The link states, "hombre versus mundo" or "hombre versus the world". I have posted a comment asking her what the reasoning is behind this. . . or let you know what she says. But if you would like, Amiga, you can state your case through my blog too! No problem. Myself and my millions of readers are interested to know the reason behind these words.

Okay, so I had dinner with my friend tonight "the girl" that I cannot decide how much I like. (Maybe that is a sign.) But at the same time even if we aren't dating, we have entered the ground I know best which I will officially name here "the dating but not really dating thing." I am going to copy right this or whatever so whenever anyone uses it I will be the first one with the credit of the phrase. Because I have mastered this whole messed up concept of relationships with the opposite sex, not dating but dating. I have mixed emotions, right now I am just kind of going with it and we both are. . . we don't have time to talk about it too seriously. She definitely likes me though. Not to get too personal or lay it all there or anything, but I can always tell when this happens especially if the girl is a touchy feely girl. If the girl is then you know because she definitely likes to be close to you and touches you by leaning into you walking down the sidewalk or something like that. Its the girls that aren't touchy feely that its harder to tell. Okay I just realized I kind of categorized girls by a certain characteristic. I also realize that not all girls fit into one or any of these categories and that different girls mean different things by what they do. I am just talking from one guy's experience. . . This is my disclaimer. So no suing!