AAHHH!

I feel nervous, excited, panicked, frustrated, sad, and happy all at the same time at this point about my upcoming move to South Korea! I found out today that I have to drive up to KU tomorrow morning to pick up my diploma and do the same day transcript thing because they are toooooo slow! They told me today after I finally connected with the University Registrar Office that my diploma would probably not be sent out until sometime late next week and the transcripts that I sent for on Friday probably not until at least September 1! What?! The school in Korea and everyone at this point wants to get rolling on the visa process like I do too especially since I already have a contract squared away. So, that leaves me with the option of driving to Lawrence tomorrow to get this taken care of once and for all. . .I hope! I'll also get to see some friends tomorrow, which is good but it'll be a short trip. Leave tomorrow morning early around 6:30 and come back tomorrow night. But I am also faced with the fact that my departure date keeps coming closer and closer, sooner than later and am I ready for that. Like I could leave within two to three weeks not a month or two anymore. Am I ready to start my fifteen month job and life in Seoul South Korea? A lot can happen in a year in three months, and I am going to miss my friends and family a lot. I will probably have to come home for about five days at some point for a funeral, but that does not really count. But really I don't know Korean, I have never formally taught English before and to kids in a private ESL school in Korea. Will I like it there or end up hating Korea with a passion? Will I make friends outside of the people I already know, will I like the people I work with? Will my parents come and visit me at some point during those fifteen months? What if I fall madly and deeply in love with some beautiful Korean Christian young woman? Will I make enough money to be able to save as much as I plan on? What will my apartment be like, will it work out? God is going to provide for me and take care of everything, but there are still a lot of questions and concerns that I have of course. Will any of my friends come and visit me? Probably not. . . but hey I am tough I can survive in Seoul South Korea for fifteen months and make a life for myself there, right?


That is all for now I guess.

Sleep sounds very nice right now at midnight on this Sunday night. I just finished watching Lost in Translation for the third or fourth time to keep the Asian theme going in my life right now. Charlie, from Charleie's EFL College in Seoul, called me tonight at about fifteen til nine because it is already Monday morning there. I still could not understand him the best, btu he wanted to tell me that the questions I had about the contract are okay. Everything is good and things can be added no problem like I requested and they want to work with me. Very nice! He wants me to be able to get my visa too and everything ready to go within maybe two weeks. This is a bit frustrating because KU is so slow with my diploma and transcripts, they are killing me here! I am going to call up there tomorrow and probably get no where fast, my parents said if I have to drive up this week and get my stuff then so be it. I agree, but just a bit of inconvenience. It is starting to sink in a little bit more now that I am going to be in South Korea and maybe three weeks to a month tops! And once again how long is 15 months, oh yeah I'll be over there for a year and three months! Do not get me wrong I am very excited, but I am going to miss people a lot! I have been a little bit stressed lately about everything going on and have not been sleeping that well at all and when I do of course I have weird dreams. I'll keep you all updated on the exact date of my departure when I know it. . . stay tuned.

The waiting game just ended about 10 till 9 tonight, not long after I posted. I got a call from the school in Seoul South Korea and let me tell you that was an interesting, funny, and frustrating conversation. I am supposed to be an English teacher, but I could not understand half of what the guy asked me or said. At one point, I felt really stupid he tried to ask me if I was a vegetarian. I had no idea what he said, I was like yes I am a Christian. And then I was like sorry two more times and finally was like can you spell that. That was pretty difficult too and then it finally dawned on me after like a minute or more I am sure that he tried to say vegetarian! Oh my! And then at the end he told me he called me because he received two applications with the pictures. He showed the kids the pictures and he called me because the kids liked my picture better! HAHA!

Hombreguapo is definitely guapo! Good looks get you far in this world - - - maybe a good English teaching job in South Korea. It is a 15 month contract - - - so all of you will have plenty of time to save some money and come and visit me!

We'll see. . . I'll keep you posted to let you know how things go with the contract and all of that.

Playing The Waiting Game

Yes, I am playing the waiting game. Waiting to hear about where and when for sure I will be going to South Korea to teach English and do that whole gig for a year. I am getting pretty exciting doing research and all of that stuff. I went to the library one day and got four books,I read a very insightful book from the Culture Shock series. I reccomend if you are going to a foreign country or even Chicago I guess. . . check out this Culture Shock series. My Korean phrase book though not so much, right now I can't say I am feeling to confident with any Korean. I am also reading a very interesting book right now called, The Two Koreas by Don Obderdorfer a contemporary history of the two countries in their relationship. There is so much I didn't know, I am learning a lot at this point I think. But the agency that is helping me find a position called me last night about an opening at a school in Seoul, the same area that the 1988 Olympics were. Pretty much in the middle of everything and it is another good position. I am hoping to know by tomorrow night though maybe more about the when for sure, but if not next week. They are working on it and I have to say I am impressed by them. So, yeah I am ready to leave and start my adventure in Korea. I have already sent emails out to my contacts in Korea. One girl who I know who is from Seoul gets back from Europe on September 5 and is like I will be a good friend and assistant to you. Then another man that I know in another city said to let him know when I get there, and I know he will help me out. Then I have a friend who has a friend doing an internship in Seoul right now and set me up with his email address, he is looking forward to hearing from me I guess. So, all of you who know me and smile when I talk about all the people and contacts I have in all corners of the world, well it is paying off. I think it is to the point that I could almost go anywhere in the world and I would know someone enough to trust that they would help me in anyway and take care of something if I needed it. I have to say, its pretty cool especially about this process so far and I am not even in Korea and I am in contact with three people already!

Other than that for the most part I feel trapped in this big house that my family lives in. I feel trapped in this affluent fortress of boredom, but there is nothing really to do or anyone to really do it with. I have been watching a lot of TV and reading. Right now I like the suedo-telenovela La Fea mas Belle, it is cute and funny, it makes me smile even laugh sometimes. And besides that I listen to a lot of 40 Principales, a radio station out of Madrid through the internet.

If anyone wants to come visit me in Missouri before I leave, you are MORE THAN WELCOME!

I had a great weekend! One of my good friends came down to Springfield on Friday night to visit and left today after lunch. He got in Friday night at around 10 and we c came back here and my friend had a little taste of the famous Springfield Cashew Chicken. We have like over 70 Chinese restaurants in Springfield, all with this famous Cashew Chicken. . . which isn't really Chinese, its an American creation. Saturday ended up being a busy day and we left here at about 10 in the morning and I showed my friend all the schools I went to including the high school I graduated from. Then we went to the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame and had a good time there, which I have not been to in a long time! Next, we went to Springfield Lake and the park area, where in high school we did the extreme hill work outs for cross country there. Next, we made it to Bass Pro to show my friend how big it really is and ate at the restaurant there, which was okay. Then I showed him out in West Springfield the school I went to in Kindergarten and first grade and the rental house we lived in. Wow, that has changed nothing much used to be out that way and now it is all built up and growing!

Then, we made it to Wilson's Creek Battlefield, which was one of the biggest Civil War Battles west of the Mississippi. It was the 145th Anniversiry of the battle this weekend. We went through the museum and drove through the area and walked around a bit. I learned a little bit always. . . of course growing up I always considered myself pro-Union you know and that Missouri was on the good side since we were part of the Union, even though they allowed us to still have slaves. Okay, just a sidenote here. . . I am totally against slavery and think that is one of the worst pieces of our history in the United States. I just wanted to get that out before I talk to much into detail about stuff. Well, anyway we were going through the museum which was a bit biased towards the South, which reflects a lot of peoples' views in this area still today. Anyway, I didn't realize thast Southwest Missouri was a pivotal area and Southwest Missouri wanted to split from the rest of the state and join the Confederacy. Springfield was a major strategic city for both sides. Anyway, even though Wilson's Creek was won by the South, they still lost a lot of men and the North achieved what it wanted. But I have to say it was very surreal to walk on the battlefied, at "Bloody Hill" where most of the casualties happened and to see the cannons there. It was like you could feel it that something happened there, it was a deep feeling. I cannot really describe it. But then of course in the museum and stuff it talked about how by the end of the war Missouri was pretty much in chaos and the Union armies and stuff pretty much went through and ravaged people and destroyed everything. I am sure in this very pro-Southern area the Union didn't forget to put shame on this area also like they did in much of the South. Once again I am not saying the South should've won or anything, but it is apparent still to me the feelings of resentment towards the North for what they did to the South. Almost like the saying, "those damn yankees!" Just my little speal about that. . .

After that we met my parents for dinner at a local pizza place and then we went to the Springfield Cardinals game, the St. Louis Cardinals Double A team. Those are a lot of fun and I am going again tonight with my dad since we have season tickets. Then after that my friend and I went out for frozen custard and I showed him Drury University. Then we went home and played pool and a game of chess with a drink.

Good weekend! I am hoping to hear some vital stuff this week about Korea, I am getting excited! I'll keep you all posted.

Annyong haseyo! This is a the general greeting in Korea between people. Well, last week I had a great phone interview about teaching English in Korea for a year and was pretty much accepted! I might be going. . . . very very soon! I am still trying to process everything but maybe as soon as the end of the month to start a position with the Global Leadership Academy in a modern suburb just south of Seoul! I am very excited and pretty much telling all my family and getting everyone prepared for this next crazy step in my life. My dad, on the other hand, tonight is trying to give me another guilt trip like he did sometime ago about or surrounding the events of a grandparent's death. This time my grandma is pretty much in her last bouts with cancer, she is down to like 85 pounds and I guess my dad told her on the phone last week about my plans and she cried and pretty much said she would never see me again. My brother and I are going to see her tomorrow I think, but it is kind of a sticky situation. I have not really been close to her since we were little kids and she took care of us a lot, and my dad is not really close to her at all. It is one of those things where it is like I love her and everything, but I can't put my life on hold because of her and her upcoming passing. Wow - I really went off there for a second, but I am really excited about this opportunity and chance to go to Korea! One year in Korea and then more opportunities open up in other countries like South America where I can really pursue one of my dreams in a Spanish speaking country! I'll keep you all posted on when the departure date will be officially and what I will be doing and all of that fun stuff.

In other news, I just got back today from my trip to St. Louis and to Chicago for one day. I left here on Friday and pretty much went to my grandparents house. We had lunch that day and talked and then went to my tio's house in Lake St. Louis because they were going to help me find my friend's mom's house that I was going to the next morning. Well, it turns out it is really a small world because mis tios know my friend's family because they lived right next to them before they moved into a bigger house on more land. I stayed at my tio's house that night because it was closer and my step-aunt had a pretty good talk with me about my grandparents. Everyone is starting to really worry about them and asked me to talk to my grandma since I can and I have the appropriate background and we are pretty close. The next step for them probably needs to be a retirement community kind of situation.

Anyway, I went to my friend's house Saturday morning and we drove to Chicago. Two of the guys went to a soccer game because Chelsea was in Chicago. I hung out with the two girls because I didn't want to pay $55 for a ticket and we walked around a lot and just enjoyed the beautiful day in Chicago. That night we rode a boat at Navy Pier, a skyline tour and saw the city from the water with all the lights and everything, really loved it. We all also rode the ferris wheel that night too and watched the fireworks and later live music til about midnight. We spent the night in a Howard Johnson in the suburbs. Then Sunday we pretty much hung out at my friend's house in the swimming pool, riding on the "gator" like a four wheel type thing but bigger all across the land. These people had a lot of money and had whatever they wanted, including a hummer. We played tennis on Monday morning which I am horrible at and then spent a lot of time in the swimming pool, good times! I had a lot of fun with my friends and that was the most important part that we got along and bonded.

Monday night I went back to my grandparents' house and spent the night with them, all day Tuesday doing all kinds of things and driving the whole time. It was actually quit tiring. Then I went to the doctor with them this morning as requested by my uncle and aunt and that was good because my grandma who is supposedly taking care of my grandpa isn't doing too well. My grandpa who has dimensia pretty much was supposedly keeping track of all his medicine and taking it when he is supposed to. . . yeah right! Well, my grandma who everyone thought was keeping an eye on him and monitoring this situation hasn't been this whole time, so who knows what is going on with that. I told her before I left she has to do that for him and she needs to get my uncle or aunt over there to make sure she does it right too! I was in shock when she said she had no idea what medicine he takes when or anything. . . sometimes it seems like she is slipping pretty fast too! Old age, well I would say at least past 75 does not look appealing to me right now at all, I hope to God that I'll be accepting when my time comes for all that comes with it. I am sorry if I sound like I am talking about this a lot, but it is definitely a topic that is in my mind a lot with my grandparents and also from my social work education.

I think that is all I am going to say tonight.

This could be a long one. . .

I just finished watching the movie V for Vendetta downstairs with my brother downstairs, which I bought yesterday when it came out. Ever since I saw it in Miami for Spring Break, it is one of those movies that really stirs me. It is all about questioning authority, rebelling against what is the norm, going against the government for a greater cause, a better society, and a better country. This movie obviously has a lot of parellels and messages about current politics, but it just makes me get excited. I hope that I am always questioning the government, policies, those in power, etc. and really participate in my government wherever I settle down and more than just voting. I want to be involved in protests, letters to the government in whatever country I find myself, I want my voice to be heard. Especially if someday I am a practicing social worker somewhere. . . maybe someday.

*Some very big news - - please note. I have a phone interview tomorrow about teaching English in South Korea for a year. This is very exciting because there are a lot of opportunities and I could make some money doing it to save up for one day going to a Spanish speaking country. But this is exciting news because I think I will probably be offered a position with my experience and everything, plus the phone interview is the last step in the process. There are some questions I have and will have to make sure everything is good if I decide to do it. If everything works out who knows maybe I'll be going as early as late September to early October??? It looks like I am not going to be setteling down in any one place for a while, which is a bit exciting, but at the same time a bit unnerving to really think about. I just want to see the world and do everything I can while I have time and I am young before its too late or something. It is so crazy, but at the same time really exciting to think that I could be somewhere in South Korea in maybe two months or something!

But for the time being I did move back to Missouri on Sunday and everything has gone for the most part smoothly. It is nice in someways to be here for a while, but in other ways it is just weird. I have found myself these last couple days like walking around my house just trying to get used to it and explore everything. I have seen it, but home is so different from the home I knew before I left for college four years on many levels besides the fact that my parents remodeled everything pretty much and everything looks so different. But even here I don't really have many friends left in the area and I feel so out of place here in Springfield like it isn't my city, but at the same time it is. But Friday I am going up to St. Louis to visit my grandparents and then I am meeting some friends there. We are driving up to Chicago on Saturday for the day and then will explore St. Louis a little bit on Sunday which I have already seen and then I'll stay up an extra day on Monday and spend it with my grandparents again. Who knows. . . I might see my aunt and uncle too why I am there? The truth of the matter is that right now I am more excited about just being in St. Louis again after a good while and seeing my grandparents. Yes, my friends are my family but it is almost too soon to really miss them so that part does not excite me a ton. Plus while we are in Chicago and St. Louis they are going to want to see things and keep busy you know. I have already seen pretty much everything in St. Louis, but hey I shouldn't take my time for granted with people. And then one of my good friends from Kansas is coming down here the next weekend, so that is exciting. Actually, it is my friend from Michigan, but now he lives in Kansas.

What else? I finished Love in the Time of Cholera one of my all time favorite books now. I never really know for sure how I feel about Floretino Ariza though even at the end when it is almost natural that him and Fermina end up together. It is such a weird story, almost feels like it is in another world, but at the same time it almost feels familiar and natural to read it like you are there and can feel the same things and see the same things the characters see. And there are many ideas or thoughts in it that are so right on in many ways I think, that you could almost see them as pearls of wisdom about life, relationships, marraige, etc.
Now, I am on to another book that I have also read before but in Spanish. Yes, I am reading Of Love and Shadows in English by Isabel Allende that I read earlier this year in Spanish. I am finding that I understand the story a little bit better this time because I don't have to try so hard to get everything and just can breeze through it. But at the same time, I am finding in parts where I read it and I can like picture myself or I remember reading that part in Spanish before and how I felt at that time. It is a very beautiful story in my opinion.

Well, that is about it for now for this portion in history of my life.

You know what I can't stand that has made me want to just start yelling cuss words or cuss someone out is? My landlords and the duplex that I am still currently living in until Sunday! My landlords seem to have no consideration, and damn it they should becuase I paid my rent for this month and have done everything right. Monday they had carpeters come in and rip out all of the carpet through the house except for my room and put down cheap burbor carpet. I never was called to say this was going to happen only later did they apologize because it isn't like it was distracting or anything. What else? This morning I am sleeping in and stuff you know becuase I don't have a job. And don't really hear much or think of anything until I hear people walking around in my house! I realized that it was painters after too long but I was f###ing mad! I called my landlord a little bit later and was like hi, who is at my house and why? I would have appreciated a call and he was like I thought my wife did that. BEEP! Then pretty much I have nothing to do and was just planning on staying at home anyway, but I am camped out in my room today just like yesterday. Because if I left maybe they wouldn't but how easy would it be for people to come in here in my room and take my neatly packed boxes and my computer, etc. And its not like these people are quiet with their radios and my landlord out there talking to them and laughing about stupid stuff. I just would like my landlords to know that I cannot wait to leave this crappy duplex and thank them for everything they have done this year to make it nicer! #@#%$, @#%$*& that is what I want to say!

I have not felt like blogging for the past couple of days till a week really, but that is okay. A couple of funny things happened last week, but at the time were very frustrating. Number one, I dropped my cell phone into a glass of water while laying in my bed one night and ruined it, So, I did not have a phone for about a day and a half and had two not so nice experiences at Cingular here in town. The people were not very nice in my opinion, but some of that could've been my attitude I was a bit mad. The same day I had the experiences at Cingular I am at home and was cooking some lunch. Well, I closed my bedroom door because I did not want some flys to get into my room. Later I go back to the room and I can't open the door, I accidently locked myself out of my own bedroom. I was like what to do my keys, wallet and everything is in there and I have to leave. I found a screwdriver and broke into my own bedroom! The doorknob is unfixable I think, I have to buy a new one.

I had my last conversation group ever last week and that is very sad to me and the same day Friday night my last official Nation 2' Nation. I cried during a little speech I gave in front of everyone, embarrassing! But I'll be up to visit a lot, my parents' house is only 3 hours away from here. I am still really bummed about leaving because everyone knows I consider my friends my family more than my own blood family most of the time. But a lot of my friends are really making me feel a little bit more special this week, which makes it all the harder to leave!

Packing is going okay I guess. I need boxes which will be happening soon, but yeah. Today pretty much the whole afternoon there were people at my house though ripping out all of the old carpet and putting new carpet down. It was loud and annoying and I stayed in my room pretty much the whole time. My landlord called and it was like I thought it would be okay, we thought you would be at work all day. Last week he came over and ripped out all of the basement carpet while I was gone and asked before he did it, so it was okay. But today no warning or notice! I cannot really wait to leave this duplex anyway, it is pretty crappy!

Today I started to read a book that I have read before called, Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, one of my favorite authors. I tried to start another book in Spanish of mine that I haven't got to yet and with everything going on my mind couldn't do it. But I started the book today and I am through the first 100 pages already. The first chapter, in my opinion, is one of the best opening chapters to a book of all time. It is a love story. . . a girl and a man fall into an intense love relationship only communicating by secret letters. Well, she ends up marrying someone else and the first chapter of the book describes them and their marriage in a beautiful way after fifty years together. Well, the husband dies and enter the former love back into the woman's life. I really like the book, but I love to read books anyway!

Book Review

So, Jorge Ramos's memoir or autobiography Atravesando Fronteras only makes me want to meet him more after reading the book. I admire many things about Mr. Ramos, but there are some things that I do not agree with him on or I feel pain in my heart from some of his views about certain things or experiences he has been in. I admire a lot how he takes care of himself and the people he is close to by being it seems like a good friend and loves his family. He has had to make some pretty tough decisions in his life and he has made those and has triumphed over them without really looking back. He seems to be a pretty humble, down to earth man, and does not seem to write as a man with an ego problem. I admire his views about immigration and a strong advocate for the Hispanic Community in the U.S.

My heart feels pain when I read about how he does not really believe in a God or has any clear direction spiritually due to past experiences with the Catholic Church and School in Mexico. He seems to be a man always searching for something more and almost wants to believe in a loving God, but can't because he has too many doubts or sees people being hipocritical. I also feel sad in what he describes as his homeless state. He does not feel at home anywhere, Mexico his native country or the U.S. always feeling like an immigrant. Mexico because he has been gone so long because he left his family and everything behind when he was 25 and has not returned to live there since. There is a lot of intense feelings there from what I can tell and I could only imagine what that would be like. But at the same being in the U.S. for 20 years he still feels like a foreigner even though much of his life is here. He describes that the only true home he felt like was there is the house he grew up in in Mexico City with his family. He dreams about it every night if he is lucky and the dream is always about this home. WOW!

I think this book really made me think about my life and in someways feel like I am able to relate to Mr. Ramos. I mean right now I kind of feel like I have been on a search for my home for a while and where that really is and what that feels like. For me leaving Kansas is like leaving my home and going to live with my parents and brother again in the same house is like foreign to me, a place that I used to call home but not anymore. I know my life isn't as extreme as his life, but who knows maybe I will end up leaving this country someday to live in South America or Guatemala or something teaching English and working on social issues. Some other points that Mr. Ramos hits on his book is his strong advocacy for Hispanics in the U.S. which I am all about and just his views on social issues in general. I feel like we would have similar political views and ideas about how to end the cycle of poverty and what a country's government should consider important that type of thing. This book impacted me more than I thought on many levels. Pretty much I wish I had an internship at Univision and could just be like Mr. Ramos's assistant for about a month.

So I read this book in Spanish and I wrote all of this in English I need to practice more I guess about talking about a book that I read in Spanish in Spanish.

It is Official I am Moving Back to Missouri.

Yes, after a lot of thinking, praying, and many hard decisions before me I have decided to move back to Missouri with my family until I figure things out. Right now I do not feel good about the possibility of staying here another year and with all the complications about finding an apartment, God was telling me something. I really do not want to go back to Missouri and live with my family, but I really believe that is the wisest thing right now. I actually feel at peace now and happy that I have made a decision about my life to go in one direction or the other. I only plan to be there on a temporary basis, try to be out by Thanksgiving and my parent's want me there but not really I think. I'll keep you all posted, but I am still trying to process it all too and the implications of my decision.

Thanks for all of your support!

A Break from the Normal Weekend

So a bit of context first. One of my good friends who is now living in Florida and will be a new teacher this year emailed me earlier this week and was like I think I am coming to Missouri this weekend. We have been trying to plan sometime when we would see each other this summer, so there you go. Anyway, she was going to come with one of her good friends from Florida and they were going to try to fly into KC. Then I would drive them from KCI about the three hour trip to her house and then probably leave that night after one of her grandparents' famous fish fries. Well, I heard nada until about Friday night at like 7:45. My friend was driving from Florida to Missouri and was checking to make sure I could pick up her friend the next day from KCI at around noon. WHAT?! But okay fine and I'll get a good dinner out of it or so I thought and would make the best out of the ride from the airport to her hometown with this perfect stranger.

The ride down to my friend's hometown ended up being quit enjoyable with her friend. We talked the whole four hours about fun to deep things even at lunch at O'Charlies. We had a good time talking about my friend and some of her faults or things that are just can be her and only her. We actually had a good time agreeing on several things, but it was all in good fun nothing horrible.

We got there and it was nice to be done with driving and get ready for the fish fry and at this point pretty much decided that I would be staying the night after everyone wanting me to stay. Okay. . . the fish fry was great with all her family there, good food, and wine. Later that night my friend, her friend (my new friend) and I went on the roof to talk a bit and stare at the stars. It was amazing and kind of surreal!

Next day I went to church and lunch with everyone and decided to go on the lake with all of them too and pretty much I would be leaving Monday morning early. So a less than half a day trip turned into 2 nights and at least a day and a half trip. But we went on the lake that afternoon and evening and that was a blast a bit hot, but no sunburn here. Some of them went skiing and I went tubing for the first time and was pretty good at it for my first time I thought. My good friend surprised me at one point and decided to share the tube with me and do that, we had a blast laughing and everything that wiping out didn't really bother us. Then my friend's dad was going to ski and she was going to drive this old boat until she broke the key off in the ignition. This was proceeded by "oh gosh, oh gosh" while I was in the front seat and got excited and dropped a whole bag of chex mix all over the front of the boat. My friend's dad didn't get to ski but somehow we got the boat started again with a pair of pliers. We went to her grandparents boat for snacks and dinner. We were in a cover and my friend wanted to jump off of some of the cliffs and I followed her because her parents told me to. Well we ended up going a good ways followed by me saving my friend's life three different times. Of course she just wanted to jump and thought it was deep enough until I went down all three times and came back up after touching the bottom. Then we scaled the rocks back together for the most part back to where the boat was with a few tense funny moments of one person freaking out and the other one having to grab the other one. We both made it back in one piece though after a good time, but I was exhausted. Then we ate and finally went back that was the afternoon and evening on the lake, the perfect day!

I left there about 6:30 this morning after a pretty good weekend out of the ordinary!

What else? Oh yeah I don't know if I am going to stay in Kansas anymore, I am leaning on going back to Missouri again until I figure out what to do. There have been a lot of complications lately with stuff, a lot of stress that now I am leaning more in the direction of not staying. We'll see though, but this weekend helped me think about some things more objectively and out of context that I think I was able to listen to my gut and inside more. I don't know, pretty much everything in my life right now is unclear except a few solid things! What a fun place to be in!

A Tale of When I Had Relations with the County of Estonia

Yes, I am going to publish a post about the semester and a half that I had relations with the beautiful country of Estonia. This all happened during the school year of 2004-2005 when this girl K. was here in the U.S. We still talk via computer every once in a while. I just want to set the record straight that out of everything that happened I do not regret any of it and that is why I feel free to talk about this past relationship/short fling thing.

You see, I met K at International Student Orientation in August of 2004 and she was a pretty girl. I remember going to a party not to long after that which she was at and maybe having too much to drink and pretty much sitting down leaning with my back against her legs. I think at this point I must have realized that maybe there was something there but didn't really do anything about it. Nothing really happened until the ISA (International Student Association) annual Halloween Party. Before that I was kind of interested in this French girl (not the same one some of you might be thinking of) and things weren't going anywhere. Well that night at the Halloween Party I asked K out on a date and she said, "Yes" to my surprise and delight. Well two days later on a Saturday I picked her up for our first date and we went downtown for lunch. We talked, well I talked a lot which I always do and she just sat there and smiled. She also made me order for her that day, which I didn't know if that was culture but I thought that was kind of cool like she was letting me have the control. I remember walking back to the car and talking about how that was fun and we should continue hanging out/dating if she wanted to and she was like, "sure, if you want to" kind of thing. The End of the First Date.

The actual official relationship only lasted probably like three weeks to a month. But we would like go to parties with each other and we both always ended up pretty drunk and having a good time that first semester. Good times! I would go over to her apartment on campus and we would end up on the couch laying down together talking or watching TV or whatever usually till 1 or 2 in the morning whenever I decided to leave. We had lunch on campus and did that sort of stuff, but it wasn't really anything serious. I remember shortly after we started going out though she told me about this German guy who I knew too that came out and said he liked her after we started dating. She knew this, but she liked me better and everything was okay but it made me feel good knowing that she would pick me over this guy, that sort of thing.

The end of the official relationship. . . one Saturday night I went over to her apartment with a bottle of wine and food to cook dinner with dessert. This ended up being a success and we ended up drinking the bottle of wine that night between us plus a little vodka later. Well, of course we ended up on the couch cuddling, talking whatever you want to say. Then at some point in the course of the night we ended up laying on the floor and I was completely naive, but at the same time how was I that stupid. She turned over late in the night/early morning and was like "don't you want to kiss me or something like this?" Well, okay so I rolled over to kiss her . . . and for some reason a brief second after that I felt uncomfortable and stopped. Then we didn't talk for a while and like ten minutes later at like 4:30 in the morning I just said I had to leave. YEAH. . .

Three days later we met on campus for coffee and talked and decided to just be friends. But like everything the friendship was complicated and the line was blurred. Her birthday was a couple of weeks later and I remember going to her party with a gift and we both got drunk. We were like by each other and close the whole night, but didn't kiss or anything like that but whatever was left from the relationship was still obviously there at least the attraction. I thought she was a very pretty girl, some people would think differently. Then we both got each other Christmas gifts and I still have the card and gift she got me. She gave me a picture book of the region of Estonia she is from and the card had three phone numbers for the three different cities she might be on at any given time and email address. Over the break I called Estonia three times I think and we talked a bit and a lot through MSN you know that sort of stuff. But then.. . .

The first day I was back in Lawrence after being with my friend in Detroit for nine days we texted each other on cell phones a lot that kind of thing. Well, the first night I went with two other friends to Chipotle and didn't expect to see her there with her good friend from Germany. Well, that was weird because I just went up and pretty much gave her a quick hug and we didn't talk much because I didn't want my two friends to think anything. Like, "what the hell is he doing with that girl." Well, that was pretty much the end right there of any other romance that might've occurred. I think like the next week or so on campus we had lunch and talked and I came out with that I still liked her or something. And her response was, "Shit, shit!" Weird. . . and then a couple months later like in March we were having lunch and at the very end, the very end like she didn't want to say anything, but that she got a boyfriend. But after everything and because she waited I knew. . .

So, like I said she left at the end of the school year and we still talk via MSN sometimes. But some of you know this story and others of you don't, but I just felt like sharing and really have nothing to hide. I don't regret that, it was actually a fun year.

A Beautiful Wedding on Cape Cod for two of my Best Friends!

What more can I say? The weather was perfect, not too hot clear blue skies with a view of the cape in the background at a villa. Everyone looked beautiful, happy, and in love the most important thing. I don't think I have ever been to a more beautiful wedding with such elegantness and just simple beauty. The food was great, all three or four courses of it, good company. The only thing was that my ear hurt because it was clogged and it was driving me crazy and did for the first two days I was on the Cape. I am so happy two of my best friends got married and I know they will be happy together forever!

I thought Cape Cod is truly an amazing place, I love the trees that nestle you in on all sides except maybe the ocean. I got to stay in the most charming like summer house places I've ever been at with a pool nicer than a lot of hotels. It was so peaceful most of the time besides stressing out about my ear, or trying to change flights, etc. . .But during the day I just loved to go in one of the rooms with the windows and the sun coming in and sit in a really comfortable chair or lay on the couch and read my book or write in my journal. I had such an inner peace during those times and felt like there was no need to worry about anything!

We also went to a beach one day which was really nice to just walk up and down the beach with my legs in the ocean. I wrote later that day in my journal how much I love the beach and the ocean. Its like it transforms me to another place that is quit peaceful and outside of my everyday reality. I could be on a very busy beach I suppose or whatever and still feel that solitude that comes with staring into the water, feeling the sand, and listening to the waves. The beach is truly an amazing place! But a lot of the time on the Cape it was nice to just feel like it was just me and things were quiet and I could think and write without getting to stressed out.

But the main reason I was there was for the wedding. I was so happy to be there for my friends - even though I didn't get to talk to them that much - its okay. My friend, (the groom), the night the guys went out before the wedding really did a good job of letting me know he was glad I was there though. At one point, I think we both were tipsy, but that doesn't matter he came and sat by me in the booth while everyone else was standing and really affirmed our friendship so to speak. It was special to me - -I won't forget that conversation. But there were other little things like when my friend (the bride) was opening gifts. I wrote a little note but it was personal and didn't get any gift though. I will though - I'll make up for that because I got back to my parents and they think that it is appaling. But anyway she read my note and I could tell it meant something. But anyway I wish them all the happiness they deserve! I can't wait to move back in a couple of months to the Midwest because then I'll get to see them more again, like the good old days!

Does anyone else have this problem?

I am going to Massachusetts to an exclusive area on Saturday and will be there till sometime next Wednesday. Well, that is if I leave because leaving on Wednesday is kind of strange. I am supposed to call the airline at like 9:00 AM and tell them I missed my 6:15 AM flight so I can get on the next flight. Its only a $25 fee compared to a higher amount to change flights before.

Anyway, back to my main problem. I have a little nightmare that I am going to be not dressed up enough while I am there or that at the wedding I am going to be so undressed it will be embarrassing. I know the bride is the main part of the wedding, but I don't want to stick out so bad that Clinton and Stacy from What Not to Wear or tracking me down while my friend is walking down the isle. Like was I supposed to order a custom made suit? Because I got news I didn't. I mean like tomorrow I am going to buy a tie and a belt, but can I really wear a navy jacket with a black belt and black shoes? I just hope the whole five days that I am there I look good enough to be on the East Coast. . . This is really causing anxiety here!
(Okay, without thinking that I am a homosexual or that vain. . . Most of this was just being funny and sarcastic. Well, most being the key word there.)

On to other news, I have decided that dating is a relative term of a relationship that two people may or may not be in at any given time. For instance, a lot of people don't really ever define a relationship as dating, but a lot of people might classify them as dating or make assumptions. Like two people might be hanging out to see if they really like each other better, they might be getting together to only watch movies (but they aren't socializing at all), they might be getting together to make out or do other stuff. My point is only this what is dating and why do people need to always be defining their relationships? Or once two people do start dating why is the relationship all of a sudden have to take on a new meaning or go to some "other level" which where is the categories of "levels" listed? You know. . . some good and wise friends of mine said often at a certain time in my life that I liked the idea of having a girlfriend or having a relationship, which I would agree on. But now that is not it. . . it is more like what if I really don't want to throw myself in or commit to a dating a relationship when I don't even know how strongly I feel towards a person. Not saying that I am dating or not dating someone right now. . . because dating is relative.
(This is supposed to be on the comical side too.)
HAHAHA to this whole post - it is silly!

STRESS! (well a little anyway)

I don't know if I ever thought I would say it. . . but lately I have been feeling a little bit of burn out around international students. Maybe some of this has to do with the turning into a little bit of an ESL teacher this summer for like twenty six hours a week and then another ten hours doing conversation groups. The schedule is so random too. . . but anyway I don't know. This week my goal is to get proper sleep I think so I am full rested everyday ready to work with the students I am working with. I am hoping also that next week when I am in Cape cod for five days that it will be somewhat relaxing, but fun!

I found out how much I owe in student loans today because I am consolidating before the interest rates go up again. It isn't that much. . . but it is still another bill I am going to have to be aware of every month starting in December.

I think I am going to go ahead and put an apartment application next week with my friend. My parents will not be happy but once the application is in and if we get accepted that will be final. Maybe I'll tell them a couple of weeks before move in day, but they know my current lease ends at the end of July. Hopefully though I'll have a job secured by the middle of July or something. I had an interview this week with the school district for paraeducator positions, they are hiring like 50 something throughout the district. Surely I can one of those. . . it doesn't pay enough but it would be enough to get me through I think. Plus possibly be tutoring a student or two too.

My friend got back from her trip to China last night. It was nice to see her and talk to her. . . it could be safe to say that I probably did miss her. I still don't know.

Lately God has been giving me an exciting task! I am like a missionary here in Kansas to international students especially students from the Middle East who are Islamic. I have been asked a lot lately about my religion and what I believe in, etc. I am also reading a book right now called Inside Islam. God is working up here and Kansas with all these students and it is awesome to me that He is using me in whatever aspect.

Oh by the way I did watch the Mexico vs. Argentina World Cup Game today. Although my dad is in Buenos Aires right now I was cheering for Mexico! It was a very exciting game I thought. . . but Mexico did muy bien!

TODAY

8:00 Wake-up and prepare for the day.
9:10 - 10:10sh Conversation Group on campus in the union
10:15sh Deposit money in the bank
10:30-12:20 Tutored student from Libyia in English (every morning - times vary)
12:45 Went to bookstore in union and bought three books for children to use in my English tutoring sessioins. ($50, maybe get some of that back if studetns buy the books from me)
1:00-2:00 Conversation Group
2:00 - 3:35sh Met with new student from China that I will be tutoring twice a week for two hours in his apartment
3:45 - 4:50 Went home and walked the dog, had about ten minutes to relax
5:00 - 7:00 Met with student from Saudi Arabia that I tutor everyday for two hours (next week 5-8)
7:00 - on Read some, cook some chicken for tomorrow, take Bear out, shower, and reveiw maybe the 10 articles that an international stduent sent me!!!

Bed time soon and tomorrow I'll start at about 7:30. I have a job interview tomorrow at 1 for a paraprofessional position in the school district here. And I will do only five hours of English conversation/tutoring tomorrow!

By the way the lady called me tonight about the Adult ESL Teacher position here. She offered the position to another person, which is kind of a let down!

This is life!

Que pasa con T.

I am still reading Cien anos de soledad slowly but surely. I keep getting distracted by other books and such. Like when I was at home this weekend I went to Barnes and Noble and bought Jorge Ramos's autobiography Atravesando Fronteras. I like it so far, interesting like I would expect it to be. I feel a little embarrassed sometimes that I have this sense of admiration toward the guy, which I will meet him someday, jaja! No really it is not like he is super famous. . . its like when I was a little kid and thought Michael Jordan was so cool because he was an awesome basketball player. But anyway I am probably one of the few gringos in these parts who knows who Senor Ramos is.

But on to other news I have been busy. I started to work for the Applied English Center on campus again for the summer until a job comes fourth. I am doing about ten hours a week there for $6.50/hour. I am also tutoring two students in English for two hours a day Monday-Friday for ten hours a week at $5/hour. Then I might be starting to work with another student some for $10/hour possibly. I have not advertised or anything like that and students come up to me and just want me to tutor them for money. Interesting. . . something I love to do and get paid for it! But I am finding out that it is more than that, I have to prepare stuff and my mind does get tired from it all sometimes. (That is why I am reading books in Spanish and watching TV in Spanish when I can - gives me mind a break!) But I really had a good job interview last Friday for an Adult ESL Teacher with the school district here. It would be part-time but I could do that and maybe tutor one or two students each week and I would be good.

By the way I told my friend who I am planning on living with next year that I am 98% sure that I am going to go through it even if I don't have a real job by then. Somehow it will work out and I'll make it through next year. My dad doesn't want me to sign a lease, he doesn't understand why I want to stay here. I am not going to have any money and on and on. He told me that if I sign a lease then that is it, I am on my own to pay for everything because they aren't going to help me. They will see me for Christmas because that is the only time I'll be able to afford to go home! But I cannot live at home with my family again, I can't! I am going to be poor next year like scraping pennies, but I am convinced something or somehow it is going to work. Maybe I have been spoiled my whole life and I need a wake up call on what real life really is like.

I think that is it for now. There is a lot of stuff going on it seems like and life is a bit stressful with pressure and everything. But I am getting through and it is all good and will be good! I think I will stop here though. . . feel free to contact me about whats up with me though, we can chat!

T's Book Club

This morning I finished Persuasion by Jane Austen. I found this book to be enjoyable and easy to get through at a quick pace. It was true to Jane Austen form with the characters and language, but this story in some way I think was funnier than other Jane Austen books. The main character Anne is in love with captain Wentworth the whole book and he loves her. They were engaged at one point before the story began eight and a half years ago, but she broke it off because her closest acquaintances convinced her to because he was poor. Well, comes to find out not to much later he does make a lot of money and it looks Anne made a mistake. But she never admits that because it was her duty to follow the persuasions of Lady Russell (a mother character to her.) Well, the story is how Anne and Captain Wentworth become known to each other again through common acquaintances and what follows. They were both jealous of each other at points, but would or could never say anything because of social rules and such. The funniest character in the whole book of course had to be Mary, Anne's sister who married into a family with enough money to take care of her for life. But she never seems to fit in with this well to do family and is always complaining about how hard life is and to raise her obnoxious kids. Haha - especially since Anne comes for a couple of months and for the most part the kids mind her. Pretty much Mary is spoiled or think she is above raising her own kids properly I guess. In this book and in most of Jane Austen's book where there is a woman and a man who usually always end up happy together by the end know the other person so well. For example, Anne and Capitan Wentworth like do not even have to talk or look each other that long but they can look at the person's face and its like they know or feel what the other person is. I mean that is love, but the thing is that even when they know with a 100% certainty what the other person thinks or feels on a certain subject it means nothing, its like their torture. A torture to know a person so well and to be in love with that person but think you will never be with them. And then by the end the two characters always are happy and surprised that they ended up together. And then and only then can they really open up and converse with that person freely. I cannot imagine. . . I think if I loved a woman and had to wait that long to be able to talk openly with them I would explode. I would not probably be esteemed as a person with social manners and order because I would just want to talk to someone rather it was socially acceptable or not. Overall, I liked Persuasion for its humor, complicatedness, and for a general good story.

First things first, who thinks I need to change my blog layout because you do not like it for whatever reasons? Let me know. . .

let me tell you how boring my life has been lately. I still have no job, no one is calling me back and I won't know for at least another week on another job if I'll get called for a second interview. I put in an application here at the public school district here for something maybe. . .It isn't social work but its close. This whole transition stage really isn't as much fun as it is cracked up to be, it actually is stressful. At this point I am living week to week and nothing more, do what I have to do. But I have to focus on the positives like next week I have my job that I had on campus for as long as needed or until the end of July which ever comes first. It is only about 10 hours a week though and some training working with international students, which I love so it is a win win situation!

but for the time being I have a lot of things to do: books, TV, and the beach at the lake. Right now I am reading cien anos de soledad, in Spanish as much as I can take at one sitting. Usually about one or two chapters at a time before my brain gets tired. I am also reading persuasion, by Jane austen. I am liking it so far, it is truly Jane austin form and it is kind of funny in a humorous way. I also borrowed my friend's book desiring god and will probably start that at some point. On to other news I have seen four movies in like three weeks over the hedge, the break up, xmen 3, and the da Vinci code. 75% of the da vinci code was boring. Over the hedge was cute and funny. I liked x men 3 all right. I thought the break up was entertaining but remember people it is about a break up and it is yelling and fighting that is why they are breaking up. I think its funny to watch it and the ending is more realistic than everything.

what else? Is it to soon to talk about a new person who happens to be a girl that I might be starting to hang out with more? You guessed it too if you think she is not from the us, she is from Ethiopia. But anyway. . .

okay, well in true teenage superficial form the hills is on tonight, the continuation of the show Laguna beach on mtv. haha, I think it is funny, but the one girl is not bad to look at!