Yeah. . .I don't know. . . GRRR!

Okay, so remember the girl I have talked about before and in a previous post talked about how we had to talk about us. And then everything was okay, that we are just good friends at least right now. Well, we acknowledged that we are open and can talk about it, but I don't know. I hate to say it, but this girl likes me a lot I think and I haven't really acted any different about it. For example, we talk a lot through e-mail and kind of know each other pretty well. So for example, today I was working the benefit for the BSW (Bachelors of Social Work) student group. We did a giant garage sale and a kids carnival that was kind of dampered by the rain and weather. Anyway, she called me and told me that she was going to bring me lunch. Well, she did and that was very nice and then tonight I pretty much went with her to this banquet at the church for the student ministry's partners. She gave her testimony and did very well, and everyone was dressed up. She looked good. But we talked, you know almost like on a date or something. It was kind of awkward too because all my friends in the ministry were mainly working and serving, haha. I helped out a lot afterwards clean up even though I didn't need to and worked all day at the benefit anyway. But I don't know, but I can tell she is in to me. . . with the way she looks at me sometimes, to the friendly touches, etc. Not to mention that I am sure we are creating the picture to a lot of other people that we must be together by arriving and leaving places together. (which that part shouldn't matter because it doesn't matter what other people think, right? But then again I am blogging about it, so maybe it does.) The question is do we need to talk again and definitely keep that line of communication open so we know exactly what the other person is thinking? The thing is I really like her as a person and like I said she is attractive. The only issue is that makes me feel superficial since this is the kind of thing people on TV comedy shows talk about. You know where they have a check list or a thing doesn't work out with someone because there is one particular fault or quirk to them that the person doesn't like. This is me with her, there is one thing about her that I cannot really stand that could be changed, but I cannot be like I don't think I can be with you until you change or improve this aspect of you. NO Way in Hell! I do not feel like I have really ever mastered what the most appropriate least hurtful thing to do is in situations like this or how to prevent things from digressing this far. Whatever ~ obviously this proves to everyone how complicated of a person I really am on so many different levels!

I just got back home today from going "home" on Wednesday night. Thursday I had to get my car inspected and new tags for the car. I also got my car serviced, which ended up being like 4 hours of waiting at the place. My back passenger door doesn't open anymore, well it turns out someone took the door off from the inside and there are broken parts in the bottom of it. And then then they pretty much clipped it shut. . . sounds kind of unbelievable, but its true! I have no idea when the door was worked on because the last time it was in the shop the door had nothing to do with the stuff being done. I don't know. . .but now i have to take care of that. Boo, dad wasn't happy with me of course! I guess now maybe that work on that door from when the guy hit me in the Dillion's Parking Lot. I am going to the car repair place again Monday morning, but I don't know what I am going to do without a car if they have to keep it.

Estoy leyendo "Cien anos de soledad" ahora en espanol. Ya he leido esta historia pero en ingles en high school. Bueno, es todo en esta tema hoy.

You know what makes me mad? One of my social work teachers who wants to start being a hard nosed bitch with two weeks before graduation! This lady is an adjunct professor teaching the course on ethics. This whole semester she has been acting like we should all have As don't really worry like the class is kind of a blow off one. Well, I wrote my paper a three to four page paper on the ethical dilemma created if H.R. 4437 passes and read it to the class last week. Well this week she starts class with how bad our papers are and that we should know how to write papers at this point from being in college so long. She did not hand out a rubric because she thinks they are stupid, because they sugar coat stuff by telling everything the teacher wants. She told us shame on us for using internet sources, even scholary peer reviewed articles off the internet and credible sources not just Joe Blow's homepage. Three or four weeks before graduation she states that the school of social welfare should be ashamed to let us graduate! That is pretty harsh lady! I got my paper back and got a 63 out of 80 which is a C! I have not received a C on anything in a long time, I am not a C student. She told me basically that the paper itself was really good. But all my sources were from the internet so she wrote on the grading sheet "SHAME ON YOU-" Woah, I have major issues with this! Shame on you is pretty powerful words and I don't deserve that. I got 3 out of 10 on the clarity of my presentation for reading the paper (even though she said to do this) and sitting on on the table and not writing stuff on the board. She made no mention of this being some mock presenation in front of the board of directors, just a casual thing. I am still spewing about that comment "shame on you" and I am going to write her an e-mail. I could not say anything in class to her because I was so mad! Then she told us halfway through the class that we were all being to dramatic about everything and that we needed to stop! GRRR!!!

Enjoy the new blog layout!

Another Week gone by. . .

Yes, so it does happen again. . . yes I am talking about having to define a relationship with a female this week. If you are thinking it’s the girl that I had a three hour lunch with about a month ago, then you are right. We are very good friends; talk, hang out, e-mail, etc. Well, she is cute and a very cool girl I won’t deny it, but at the same time the timing isn’t right for a relationship, and more importantly I see her as just a good friend and that sort of thing. Well, this week it really hit me that maybe we should talk about us because what if I am leading her on by all the talking we do and that sort of thing. It ended up being e-mail conversations even though I see her a lot, it just works better because we both do not have the time to get together and talk talk talk. But it doesn’t really matter because we are on the same page as far as that goes. We just need to be careful because other people are starting to wonder and ask what is going on. That is one thing I do not want gossip about me and someone else. We decided and that’s what we are to say we are just good friends blah blah blah. Just when I thought there was no way I was going to have to deal with anything like this now. . .it happens!

What else? I am trying to figure out if I should fly out to California for a job possibility or not in May. I kind of have to decide this week, it is a job that I am definitely interested in, but my parents don’t want me to. I am trying to figure out if I am just going to buy the plane ticket and work everything out without them.

I passed the social work licensure exam last Tuesday morning! YEAH!

There are more things I could talk about, but I am going to stop. If anyone reads this blog, are there any opinions out there about the California job possibility?

Okay well I got back today after an extended Easter weekend to find a letter from the foster care agency that I had the interview with, a letter thats great! The letter says:

Thank you for your response to employment opportunities with AAA. While you possess many fine qualities, we have selected others whose qualifications more closely match our needs at this time.

Damn, sounds like a bunch of BS to me!

I have a possible job opportunity in the West coast though in a major metropolitan area. I am potentially excited about this. . . but I don't know. I would have to fly out there on my own expense for interview and stuff. But my parents are like, "NO!" So another level of complexity to add to this whole mess.

I sent a cover letter and a resume out to a National Coalition in this Nation's capital today. Then back at home I might have a connection to start out in one of the hospitals part time and also work at my church this summer as a missions intern. Who knows? I have a reusme and cover letter a lot of places. . . but nothing is working. No one seems to get it either that this is kind of stressful and worry some. I know God has a plan, but my patience is running low!

In other events it was nice to be at home for about four days. Friday night I went to dinner and drinks with a friend and ended up getting home at 4:30. It was fun. . . my brother called me though at like 4:15 on my way home and was like I just got home, where are you? Whats up with that? My friend left her cell phone in my car though. Some people might find that cute. . . but I don't know. My brother and I got along maybe the best we ever have though. . . so that was really cool to know that he is growing up more.

Then I had lunch with another friend from high school on Saturday and that was nice. My mom and I went to church on Sunday morning the youth service at 7:00. My brother is in charge of the youth praise band. Then we picked up my dad from his trip to Argentina and Chile. He brought all kinds of goodies home! Then we went to a baseball game that afternoon. I woke up at about 5:30 today and left the house by 6. To take my friend's cell phone back and have a small breakfast. I guess that was nice and saw the dad too, but I was exhausted! And then had conversation groups and stuff on campus this afternoon.

I am taking the state licensure exam for my BSW degree tomorrow, which is really easy! So after tomorrow I will be a LBSW in the state of Kansas, which who knows if it will even be worth it whereever I end up at, haha! And then practicum. . .
Oh and I have to finish a small paper that is due on Wednesday and I have to present it. It is for my ethics class and I am doing the ethical dilemma that social workers would be in if a bill like HR 4437 passes about immigration.

Okay now all of you are kind of caught up!

Good Morning! Its a little bit less than 10 in the morning Central Standard Time on Tuesday. I did not have to go to my practicum today because the elementary school is on Spring Break this week. Its so nice to have a whole day without anything that I have to do, except my own to-do list. Since it is Spring Break this week I will be going home on Thursday till next Monday morning for the Easter weekend. I will see my family. . . even though my dad won't get back from South America until Easter Sunday Morning. I am not sure when we are going to make it to church plus pick him up.

Yesterday I took a bus with some people to an immigration reform rally in KCMO. Well, so I met these people on campus to go up with them because that is what one of my friend's suggested from social work classes. I did not realize, however, that everyone except me in this group considered themselves anarchists. I do not consider myself an anarchist really, so I was like great I just wanted to come to support immigrant rights. The whole bus ride there they are talking about revolutions and radical stuff. Then I as everyone else were informed on what to do if we were arrested what we can say and what we do not have to say. They even gave us a phone number to call for our one phone call if we were arrested. I was a little nervous. I was not planning on being arrested and if this group was then I might have to separate. And on top of that these immigrant marches and rallies all across the nation have been peaceful the immigrants I am sure do not want to cause more trouble to themselves. So we got there and the group definitely did not fit in and I was them and already did not fit in as a "gringo" I am sure. They even had this weird anarchist flag to go with everyone's US and Mexican ones. So when all the immigrants are chanting "USA!" and talking about how they are part of America my anarchists friends were all like "no rise up and destroy the system" kind of the opposite of the point. I separated myself as much as I could and talked to a little kid a little bit in Spanish. I did enjoy chanting "Si, se puede" though with everyone else. The rally in KC though was definitely not as organized as other cities marches. They were not hundreds of thousands of people maybe a third or less of immigrants in the city. They did not all wear white for peace and it wasn't all US flags, there were plenty of Mexican flags and other countries. I am not saying this is bad but in other cities the focus has turned more to "we all are the US" and "American Flags" and all of that. I was glad to be there as a supporter and I saw it as a positive step for KC, a city with a lot of room to grow in this area.

My college years/experience are almost over. . . I am excited to be done for a while, but I don't have a job yet and I am not sure if I am ready for my life to change so much. My schedule is going to be so different than a lot of my friends as a working guy, well sometime and no big summer break. I guess I am ready. . .

This could be ugly.

Okay, well to start off this morning for my social work practice class we went to a women's correctional facility (prison) for a learning tour. We went into medium and maximum security buildings and saw and heard the women there. I guess in the medium security area where the women were free to move around and we walked through their bathroom and sleeping quarters, some women told me classmates I was hot. I am glad I did not really hear this. It was not as bad as I thought, we got to listen to a three women prison panel at the end in a group called STOP Violence. One woman I was very suprised who was 41 had an interesting story. She was a milk carton child from like six years old to 11 years old her dad took her and changed her identity and everything. She felt loved and accepted by him and then she was found and moved back in with the mother. From day one she abused her emotionally and physically. Then she married a man who abused her too and she has three kids. She divorced him after 11 years and moved away and worked her through a college education. She has two sons both in the marines one was in Iraq and one is currently in Iraq and a 16 year old daughter waiting for her at home. But she is in prison for forgery. . . she signed a check for house payments with her boyfriend or fiancia's name and got caught. Well it would have only been a 12 month probation sentence, but since she has never been in trouble with the law at all she freaked out and went to Canada for four months. She got caught and is now finishing a 9 month sentence I believe and will get out in June. She talked about how lonely prison has been, how she never gets mail because her kids are busy. . . all for making one mistake and freaking out. She has no idea what she is going to do when she gets out without a job and with bills. I felt bad for her, but it was good that she was on the panel because it shows that it isn't only violent women there, she was white collar. Not like the woman besides her that pretty much shook a 9 month old girl to death. I know the prison is mainly for criminals drug users, murderors, etc, but the woman I just talked about it really made the experience that much more real to me. Maybe it is more real to me because that is more the type of thing I might end up in prison for because maybe I made a bad mistake or bad decision!

Tonight after classes and a meeting I went running at about 7 or 7:30 and I was coming back and my roomates were BBQing in the front yard for our dinner tonight. Well, I finished and for my cool down before I stretch I try to do like a 50 to 100meter sprint. Well I am walking up to my house and my one roomate (the computer guy) was like I didn't know that was you. You truly looked like or I thought you were a 12 year old Mexican kid running. What the hell! I guess no one really looks at me or at least from a distance and thinks that I could possibly be from the United States if its Mexico, Europe, or whatever. I don't care. . . I personally would rather be a foreigner. But the thing is later we are talking about other issues. Like my major is social work and I am graduating with a bachelors in that and will be licensed so I will be able to put I am an LBSW. I think this is an accomplishment that I am proud of this! Well, I was telling my roomates about how much it cost to get the license which is ridiculous and my one roomate (the nurse) goes pretty much it means no job and no money. I said something about how the test isn't that hard though and I could probably pass the MSW (masters) one and the other roomate (the computer guy) went so what. I don't think a lot of people brag about having a masters in social work, well how do you think I felt? I am only getting a bachelors and he was like people with masters don't even act proud of that or brag. What the hell! Then I tried to explain that Social work is a profession. He finally expressed the idea that social work is like teachers K-12 grades that work hard but don't get a lot of money or respect. This was his point, and that he does not have the patience for it. I mean I know my roomates were not being totally serious and trying to knock it, but their sarcasm and jokes sometimes do not really make me feel respected either. They talk about how its one of those professions that doesn't get much respect, well buddies it starts at home if you want to acknowledge it and change that idea. Don't disrespect me at the same time you are saying how you understand it all. . .

Then back to the comment earlier about calling me a Mexican. . . well we started to talk about the immigration issue in the United States. I started talking about how I want to work with immigrants closer to the border and I am very passionate about this issue. I started talking about how as a social worker if some new law passes I could be arrested for knowingly helping an illegal immigrant (which I would happily go to jail for this and I put this in a letter to my senators). I started talking about the issue and all the implications that these new laws would have if passed that would cause more problems. My one roomate was like just face it "we don't like Mexicans here!" Just jokingly sarcastic. . . but after everything I just said and then saying I looked like a Mexican earlier this is not the most well thought out statements.

We went on to discuss a lot of US politics and my one roomate not thinking the US has a culture compared to a lot of countries. Well, we do but it might have a lot of different parts of other cultures and also our country is young. . . this has some stuff to do with it. He talked about how he doesn't understand why people would want to come to the US just to see or visit becuase we have no real culture. He doesn't really like culture outside of the US in big cities like NY or San Francisco. Well, this is his take, but if he was born somewhere else this would be different I think or if he was raised a little bit different or something. Like I don't understand the thinking sometimes.

So these are the guys that talk about how the US doesn't really have culture but agree in a lot of ways that are country is messed up. With my whole heart agree. . . for example while there is a genocide happening in Sudan right now we do nothing even though we could because its a poor country. Plus Bush I am sure is probably spending all of his time trying to figure out how to invade Iran next with all his power crazed cabinet and everything! But in all irony my roomates are now watching "South Park" on TV and think it is hilarious. This show is nothing but garbage. . . it is all about intolerance and bigotry. This is what our society watches and get a lot of our jokes and ideas. . . is this good even for kids? Probably not. I know there are people out there that would argue with me about the value of South Park. Saying that it talks about real issues and actually brings truth out of all of it, but still it is not the best example of American tolerance and diversity.

One more note. . . I like to watch the Today show in the morning and like Katie Couric. But doesn't she already make like $7 million dollars and today announced that she is going to anchor the CBS National News next. The newspaper reported she'll make anywhere from $10-15 million dollars over five years or something. What the hell is wrong with our country? We are obsessed with money and class. In my opinion, that is one of the underlying main reasons for this huge debate about immigration reform. . . we don't want more poor lower class people in this country, which most of the Mexicans are.

Okay, well bless you if you read all of this!

Yes, today I had my first real world job interview and it might be the only one I get before I graduate! What can I say about that interview? Nothing extraordinary and boring both come to mind! The lady that interviewed me was an older lady, very nice and knowledgeable just a bit dull. She would ask me questions and I would try to answer them and make them more conversation like and she would sit there and go, "Thats good" "good" or whatever. Then maybe a half or full minute would follow in silence as she would attempt to think of another question or something. This continued throughout the interview at one point she brought in the Spanish speaking Case Manager to come in and prove that I can speak Spanish. Well the guy seemed very timid and very quiet I could hardly hear him. Well, she was like talk about this and I talked in Spanish pretty good in my opinion especially since it was so spur of the moment and everything. Well, after a couple of minutes of speaking the lady went, "thats enough" and then that was pretty much it and the guy left. I asked her a few questions but she did not seem to excited one way or the other and a little annoyed that I could not start working there tomorrow or something. She was like when could you start and I said something like after graduation and at the end she said okay, "you did good, Ill keep your stuff and contact you when it gets closer to the time." That sounds real prominsing, NOT in my opinion. . . who knows. She did tell me the starting salary, which is higher than I thought, and gave me the benefits sheet, so I don't know how to read the interview.

Thats it. . . just an update.