Just want to Vent for a Minute of your Time

Okay, so today I had classes. . . which were okay. I was half a sleep in my morning class, which is normal but still get a lot out of it since its practice. Then in my policy class we got out early but listened to some more people talk about thier social problem papers. Todays topics included things like: Absense of Fathers, Homelessness and Mental Health, Women in Poverty and Healthcare, Gangs, etc. Very interesting! Then in my last class I listened to some people give presentations over their papers, I go next week.

For this semester I still have a paper due in Policy that is a Comparative Policy/Program Analysis Paper yeah I can't wait to make time to do it! For my practice class I have to finish reading a book and then write a reaction paper over that and two movies that I watched about a population that I have a bias against. Also, in that class I have a 10-12 page Application Paper due which I have to do a little bit of research for. Okay, so thats not a lot I understand that and I am sure some of you are like what the hell is he complaining about?! Plus, my practicum goes until I believe my last day will be Tuesday December 20, which is kind of late. And I have to start that back up the week of January 4th, welcome to the real world kind of. . .

Tonight I had a small anxiety attack when I got home because I decided to be adventurous and go the World Bank's website. I have thought about maybe trying to get a job for them and work internationally for a couple of years or something. Well that ended up being a stressful situation because basically what I could apply for is the Junior Professional Associates Program. Their elegibility requirements are insane, and I was like I am not sure if I would even get accepted or asked for an interview or something. Plus, it says they provide benefits for two years, but nothing about getting paid for it. I e-mailed my dad to ask about this and see if he could get in touch with his connections in that area maybe someone I could ask more questions to. My dad was like you could always get your license and sell real estate because Spanish is in big need for that. I was like good thing I am getting a degree in social work then and spending all that money for college, haha! Needless to say everything about my future at this point makes me very stressed and induces I would almost call them small anxiety attacks. I mean I am graduating in May, which is approaching fast and I am only freaking out more as the months wear on and I have no idea what I am going to be doing! So, after this little episode my night has been okay but definately not as relaxing since this. . .

I watched Piel de Otono on TV the telenovela I am watching right now. I like it a lot, but there is a lot of stressful situations on that show and I am like some of these people need help or a social worker! This is what I do when I read books or watch TV now I am always like if I was this person's social worker, we would try to work on this. But once again thats totally off because as a social worker I don't just go up to people and be like, "I am a social worker, lets work on this." No, clients come to you most of the time you can't just go up to people and be like you need this help.

I also finished Sense and Sensibility and definately the second time around was enjoyable. I liked the story and at times it was kind of funny! I will start Pride and Prejudice now I guess.
What a weird kick I am on right now as far as what I want to read.

Okay, so the big thing tonight was about what to do for dinner because as you see right now here I pretty much only have noodles. I know I need to go to the grocery store, but I really don't like to go there. Tonight I wanted to have a friend and talk and go to dinner with someone after my small anxiety attack and just sit and eat. Well, everyone had already ate, busy, or whatever. I was calling people that I would never call to have dinner with to see what was going on, no one! I even called a girl from China, that pretty much asked me out at dinner with some friends one night, I left a message. So, I guess about 8:30 or something I left the house, first I drove to the bank and got some cash then I went to Taco Bell. I had two hard tacos, quesadilla, and a Pepsi after I took it home. My driving probably wasn't the best either because my mind was just kind of there. I am okay, I promise. . . but I wish I had more friends around this year or that people weren't so busy. A lot of my friends moved away after this last year for various reasons, and then my other good friends were busy. Pretty much my life is internship, school, homework, and home at night to watch TV, read, or work on school stuff. The weekends are always full though. . . which is nice but sometimes I get nothing done and am tired by Sunday night!

What is wrong with me?!

Taking this time to Blog.

Yeah, Thanksgiving break was nice! I got home on Wednesday and my whole family was home that was a cool suprise! My mom and I saw the movie Rent that afternoon. I liked it a lot, I love the music from the musical!

Thursday morning we left for St. Louis to have Thanksgiving at my aunt's house (my mom's sister) and to see my grandparents. The food and wine was good, it was nice to see people, but I got to sit at the "kids table" once again behind the adult table with my brother and 9 year old cousin. The rest of the people pretty much had their backs to us, I guess some things never change, but I didn't appreciate it that! My grandparents are doing fine considering everything going on. . .my grandpa with dimensia and can't hear and doesn't talk a lot to my grandma who is very lonely and will just about talk to anyone just about anywhere about anything. That is a little worriesome in itself if you can imagine. My grandpa got sick the last night, starting throwing up a little bit and stuff thought we were going to have to take him to the hospital. I think he is okay, but now every little thing is enhanced by everything else going on right now. So, we left Saturday morning.

My friend who goes to school in Dallas and called me Friday to tell me the sad news that the movie Pride and Prejudice is not playing in Springfield! Whats up with that? We were planning on seeing it together. Then on the way back she called me and was like I don't think I can do much today because I am going back home for dinner tonight in her town which is about an hour from Springfield. We decided to meet for lunch and she called me like three times and was like meet me at this Chinese restaurant. I did, she waited for me to get there before she ate. Then I went shopping with her to the mall for like three hours. That was kind of fun, she bought a lot but I am not so sure how I felt being her personal servant the whole time. No we are friends ~ but no I was the guy that waited outside of the dressing room for her and got her different sizes and stuff and then carried all the bags. She invited me to dinner at her family's house though, so I was obliged to go. It was a good meal. . . then I stayed and watched The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galalaxy with her and her brother in high school and two of his friends. I was suprised by how entertained I was by that movie. It was a good day of all of that and of course good conversation!

Then I went to a friend's house from high school after that because she was having people over that I haven't seen in a long time. People were calling me the whole time before saying like, "where are you?" i got there about 10:30 and there were like four people there, how pathetic. I did see one person I haven't seen in a while and that was really cool because we were like best friends in elementary school.

I am almost done with Sense and Sensibility and have to say I have found the whole expereince quit enjoyable. I bought Pride and Prejudice this weekend at Barnes and Noble for about $5 to read next, hehe. Haven't knitted since before break and am not sure when I'll get back to it since I have so much stuff to do for school!

What the heck am I doing!?

Okay, so what is becoming of me? This weekend is been weird, but sort of nice, but then again poses the question am I just being lazy? Friday while I was on campus I stopped by to see some of my friends at a house I know very well. There were like three girls knitting. . . and I know how to knit mind you. So I started to knit too, and haven't been able to stop. I actually went to Wally World last night and bought yarn and now find myself knitting away at a scarf or something I guess (an orange one). My hands are a little bit tight. . . what is wrong with that picture? Maybe nothing. . . but okay. Definately not knitting outside of the house though and besides the people who read this as good friends that is where it is staying.

I am also still reading Sense and Sensibility and yeah. . . I like it!

Yesterday I typed a paper for a class up so that was good. I just need to review it and make sure its A quality and ready to turn in after Thanksgiving break. I started another paper today that is kind of big and requires work, but don't want to do it. After all of this I still have two other papers this semester that are not exactly small and require more than a couple hours at the computer typing away. Boo, to all of this. . . I don't want to do it anymore! But I have to, what a viscious cycle!

I was up till 3 last night watching a movie. I watched three movies last night on TBS, The Wedding Singer (7-9), Legally Blonde (9-11) and Simply Irresistable (1-3 am). Wow ~ is that sad that I found perfect entertainment and nothing wrong with doing that?! And its not like they were high action adventure movies either. . . sometimes I wonder if I am normal? Actually I know I am not really normal because I am me, and thats all that needs to be said.

I am really excited about Thanksgiving Break to see family and eat and have a good relaxing time somewhat. While working throughout on papers and stuff, just part-time though, but isn't that what I am doing now? Plus, I am going to see one of my friends who goes to school in Dallas I guess and hang out one night at least. We always have fun it seems like, she is someone I usually have fun with or enjoy spending the time with. Unless there are some suprises from her that I am not expecting. . . like have happened before. Not that its a big deal though, its not like we are super close. . . so roll with it right? Okay I feel like I am going off on a subtopic that does not need to be gone into right now or explored. . .

Untill later my crazy readers!

Update time. . .since lunch with the girl on Monday.
Well, I saw her that night but we really didn't talk. But I really wanted to see her again this week and with much turmoil and talking with a friend I decided to send a short e-mail. I said how about we grab coffee sometime this week because I would like to hang out some more. The next day I had a message on facebook from her that states, "Ty also asked me to go for coffee this week. Man what to do?!" I am like what is this, and sent a reply back pretty much saying who was it for? Later, I get a message from her saying that it wasn't supposed to go to me. She was sending it to another friend for advice. She is like I'll be honest I am seeing someone else right now. I didn't know what you were thinking, but when you asked me for coffee I didn't know what to say. (I am guessing she thought something might be up with me a lot earlier than this though.) She pretty much said believe me I wasn't ever talking bad about you and think you are a great friend and I hold the high regard for you, etc. I messaged her back pretty much saying no big deal, don't worry about it. Towards the end I pretty much said I probably wouldn't have asked you for coffee if I knew you were with someone else (if that gives you an idea what I was thinking). I was like I had no idea or no way of knowing you were with someone else. But for future reference if a guy starts to act like I do just be honest from the get go, if you think something is up.

By the way I am almost to Chapter 16 in Sense and Sensibility, I am quit enjoying it so far. I am definately going to read Pride and Prejudice again after this. I also asked one of my friends to go with me to see the new Pride and Prejudice movie with me over Thanksgiving. It looks good I think. . . and she will definately go with me, but said you know afterwards I won't be able to stop talking about Mr. Darcey. I was like I am dreamier than he'll ever be. . .haha!

Its Been a Bit. . .

Okay, so its been a bit or about a week since I have blogged I know. I guess I can start off on a lighter note. . . I have played a lot of the card game Pitch lately. I really like it for some reason, its pretty fun!

What else? Oh yeah my dear old dad is in Uruguay right now for a couple of days and then on to Buenos Aires in Argetina for a couple of days! I wish I was there hanging out all day seeing things, talking to people while he is in meetings. He is talking about going to Costa Rica in December and how it would be ool if the family could go, oh yeah it would!

Saturday I went over to my friends from Guatemala to see them and their new son. They are doing well. . . and the baby is cute of course. We talked for about an hour and had some coffee and bread. Reminded me of something we would do in Guatemala sit at the table and drink coffee eating bread and speaking Spanish. So simple but so nice!

So, the girl I wrote about last week in my blog that I kind of like. . . that I totally missed lunch with last week because I read a message wrong. Well, I helped out at a church event on Saturday night and saw her there hung out a bit. I scheduled lunch for today though. . . to meet with her and some of her friends. So, with some of advice from some friends I definately dressed casual as a student (which I am) but anyway, and got there a little late and left before everyone else did. It was nice. . . and I think she might be interested! For example, I just got a little salad and that was it (less than a $ on campus is pretty good). Well, I got to the table and one of the girl's friends asked me if I was a vegetarian. . . out of know where the girl I like went, "Vegetarians are cool!" Okay kind of random and out of the blue, but hey if I was a vegetarian she's cool with that I guess. Then we were all talking having a good time, and I am not giving her all the attention because that would definatley make it obvious. But during lunch and stuff I saw her a couple of times I am pretty sure like eyeing me. We sat by each other because she made room for me too, but I definately kind of saw her look over at me a couple of times. I am not sure if she noticed me see it or not, and I am no genius I could read things totally wrong. But thats something maybe? . . . okay I'll keep you up to date. Interesting blog. . .

By the way. . . don't ask me why but I am reading Sense and Sensibility right now by Jane Austen.

Things that Can only Happen to Me.

The title of this blog is one that many of you can relate to because as some of you know there are only things that can happen to me!

Today I went to get my 100% negative results back for my HIV test I took a couple of weeks ago (no suprise there). And let me tell you at the place I went that part is definately counseling style too. Except today I think the woman was annoyed at me for even coming in to get the results which I obviously knew beforehand. She was like, "so you were interested in the testing process were you?" Okay then - and then she was like knowing everything you know now, "when you do become sexually active do you think you'll get tested again?" I was like it depends, but in reality I won't really need to. Then she offered condoms at the end. . . I turned her down for a number of reasons. One being that if I am going to have sex and use a condom anytime soon, I can afford to buy my own and I don't want to lean on a clinic for my protection. Granted some people do and hey and thats great because they aren't going to use protection any other way unless its free and they know about it.

What else? I like a certain girl right now. And everytime I feel like progress is being made to even get together and hang out something happens. I feel like right now we both sense whats up, but are walking in circles. I understand people are busy and blah blah blah but we need to become somewhat of friends before something else might happen. So, right know we need to get to know each other better. Get this we have been talking through messages via computer for a while. Well Sunday night late I guess she sent me one that said, "hey I am having lunch with some people tomorrow on campus at this time. Come if you want." Well of course I want to go, well I woke-up this morning and read that message and was like I half told her my schedule so why is she inviting me to lunch on a Tuesday (my internship day). Well, I messaged her back saying thanks but I can't, not looking at the date to see that she was talking about lunch today. I felt like a complete idiot and saw her tonight and said that. Well she was like we usually do that on Mondays, so you should come next week. I tried to ask her to hang out before then because I want to, and what I was saying really wasn't coming out right or bold enough. I left and was like that was lame, I wasn't iniating as much as I should have. Part of it is you don't want to be rejected. So, I messaged her again when I got home and pretty much said sorry about that today. I would like to try to hang out this week if we can before next Monday. I know we are busy but thats what I want to do, and thats what I was trying to tell you tonight. This is all summarizing and paraphrasing the actual message. But we'll see what happens. . .

Yo termine el libro de amor y de sombra hoy. Una historia linda y tambien triste porque en el fin Francisco e Irene tuvieron a salir el pais. El acto iba muy dificil para Francisco porque el amaba a su familia mucho. Tambien, fue dificil para Irene porque su madre estaba demasiado preocupada en su vida y sus necesidades. La madre iba ignoroda a los sucedios en el pais y la mala dictudara. En el fin la dictudara todavia sostenia todo poder y control. El muerto y el pena continuaria pasando en el pais. El amor entre Francisco e Irene continuaria, sin embargo, estaba formando un gran parte de esta historia. Durante muchos malos eventos y cuando condiciones de vivir son horribles, el amor tiene mucho poder. El poder de amor hace personas quieren vivir otro dia mas. Y tal vez manana, un proximo mes o ano sera mejor que ahora en cualquiera circunstancia.

Let me know if my Spanish is understandable. . . granted I wish there was some system built into this blog thing where it was easy to put the accent marks and stuff on there.
Oh well.

Engaged!

No, it is definately not me! Two of my best friends in the whole wide world got engaged tonight on the two year anniversary! I could not be any more happy for them. You see I knew her before I knew him, but I remember specifically around two years ago listening and talking to both of them about the other person. I remember going shopping with the girl the day she told me a lot because we were good friends, and had a pretty good conversation that day about stuff if I recall. (I also bought a cool scarf that day, but that is beside the point.) Then I remember I started hanging out with the guy after I met him and we became pretty good friends right off the bat. Then they got together and we all hung out. We hung out a lot all the time untill the two of them decided to move a couple states away. I miss them a lot! But congratulations to them! The guy told me right before he was going to ask her (and like that was really a hard question), then he told me right after and plus we talked on the phone for twenty minutes later. I am glad I was included in that special night, I think they know how much that means to me that we are that great of friends. Sometimes I still go through withdrawl from not being able to just call one of them or both of them when I am bored or want to hang out because thats what I did! I am definately going to try to see them over Christmas break if I can. ANd also now I want to try to visit them over Spring Break or something now before I graduate and get a real job and can't take time off. (Maybe they'll buy me a plane ticket or something. . . no not really, just kidding!)

Congratulations you guys!

No Puedo Dormir

Okay, this is horrible its almost 1 o'clock in the morning and I still cannot sleep, so what am I doing? Blogging of course! And I need the rest I have slept beautifully the last two nights which has really helped me get on track since Sunday. But tonight I am shooting for five hours. . . I hope I get that.

Today I had class all day. My first class this morning is social work practice and we had a guest speaker. She was an African American/Black lady who was really cool. She talked to us about working with AA(African American)/Black population. I have known since being exposed to social work stuff some that an AA/Black person's experience is a lot different than mine probably just in everday life. For example, I don't think automatically about my race, that I am White when I wake-up in the morning. Or how that is going to affect me today and the race thing always being an issue that I have to think about and live with. She guided us through an activity at the end that you imagined yourself as having black and white spots on your body and having to get on a bus with all white and black people. What did you expererience, see, and feel? Then in my second class, policy we had a guest speaker talk to us about the different categories of data on the census forms. How its changed through history and how it is currently and had a great discussion about our opinions and what we think about how its done. My last class we talked a little bit about case management in mental health.

Then tonight after all of that I had a BSW (Bachelors of Social Work) Student Group Meeting. We are having a benefit concert in two weeks in November 17 for a local agency. We are ordering T-shirts, and there is other stuff coming up. Like cooking a meal and possibly serving it too at the drop-in center in December. All good stuff, but this makes for a very long day! Especially if you aren't feeling all there and your stomach hurts like mine was, but thats life.

Some of you might be wondering how I have been doing since my last very cheerful blog! I have to say that I am still working through some of those questions and issues that I brought up. I see it all as a process that will continue for at least the near future of trying to figure and refigure things out. This week one of my goals is to try to somehow get more organized in my head and not feel overwhelmed by my thoughts and worries if that makes sense. I don' have all the answers yet, but all I can do is be patient, trust God, and just keep on going!

Tonight I read some more of the book de amor y de sombra and that might have stimulated my brain some so thats why I am still awake. Its a beautiful story in my opinion and a book thats hard to put down plus its in Spanish. I am always looking up and writing down new vocabulary words. I really like how its a love story (as cheesy as that sounds) but then at the same time so much more than that. It takes place in this country that is under the shadow of a dictator and how its so corrupt. But at the same time its a love story of the woman who comes from a upper class rich background so is naive to a lot of the injustices and sees the country as one in order. The man, however, has a completely different experience and has grown up seeing and believing all the harm being done to the country mainly thanks to the dictator. And as the two fall in love the woman is going a through a self discovery and awakening to everything going on in the country. That everything isn't just fine and dandy everywhere, but its more of an illusion that the rich can create for themselves because they have more money and power.

If anything the book expresses in some regard that love is top and that if people are truly in love that whatever the circumstances or situation, the love is still there. I think this is a deep awesome idea, but of course the love of God is the best example of that. So many times we try to do things away from that love or do not want to even acknowledge Him and His love, but He still loves us! I don't know how I got that out of what I was talking about from the book, but its still cool!

Okay, I am getting sleepy, whch is a good sign. . . un dia yo tratare escribir todo en espanol. Until then - chao!