No title can name this post.

Yes, no title can name this post thats why I am writing in this pink like color.

Okay, well I am back in my room now not at my parent's house. Anymore, I might have slept three or four hours last night. . . my parents and my brother didn't get home until around 11:30. And once everyone got home my family doesn't know how to be quiet! That didn't help my insomnia, and I had a headache. Then I woke-up at 5:30 and drove to my internship today and got there around 9. I went trick-or-treating with the kids in a large insurace building. I got lots of candy, yeah and yummy! The kids were all dressed up it was fun! Then myself and the other girl student planned group counseling pretty much for the rest of the semester. My field instructor called in sick, Suprise Suprise! But we got a lot done which was good!

I am beginning to think that I am a little bit immature. I mean this weekend yelling at my mom and all. Then getting all excited about halloween candy. Okay these two things are reasonable some of you might say considering that most people would feel the same way maybe. But there is other stuff like is being unrealistic considered being immature? I mean first off do I really think I am going to get a job in Texas or somewhere south or closer to the border? Also, can I really reasonabaly put on my resume that I speak Spanish efficiently and that my objective is to find a job where I can use my language abilities? Will I be able to use my language abilities in a productive way at a job working with immigrants and their families? No se, pero quiero pensar que si. Me gusta leer libros y veo television en espanol mucho y puedo entender mucho, but so what? Sometimes I think my dreams my goals are pretty wacky, like the one that someday I am going to live in Europe for a while in particular Spain. Hello! I am going to be a social worker and this year I am trying to somehow mentally prepare myself for the adjustment of working and pretty much trying to support myself entirely on not the highest salary. I feel like I can, its not like I have lived laviscously in college. But this is hard especially when my parents bring my back clothes from Banana Republic and expensive stores after they go on trips to feed my expensive tastes. Its like sometimes I feel completely naive to the world and don't really realize what the real world is like. I try to expose myself through my studies, my volunteer work, and what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. I feel like I am an open-minded person and cultured somewhat, but what is that really mean? I also think I am pretty flexible and like change, but the change that I want a lot is not what other people would think as necessarily positive in some regard. I am a pretty restless person sometimes in a lot of ways. . . I see so much injustice, and so much of it could be allievated or cured if people just thought differently and weren't so damn greedy or prideful. I realize I can't change people, but all my ideals too lofty that I can possibly change the world? And for some reason this year I feel disconnected a lot from a lot of my friends because of differences in geographically, busy schedules, whatever. But sometimes its like I am lonely. . . but wait I don't have time to be lonely. Plus I like my independence! There is so much going on in this head of mine sometimes I don't understand why or really want to figure it out. Graduation is knocking, knocking on my door ~ yeah!

I am still reading de amor y de sombra and between watching the telenovelas all I want to do is read the book and finish it. It is a beautiful story about many things including Irene a reporter and Francisco a photographer that both work for the same magazine. They stumble into a crime which is part of the larger story behind a very corrupt country in Latin America. A fragile but very strong love develps that either one denies but destiny is different. . . but I don't know I haven't finished the book.


Oh I am so tired. . . I wish sometimes I could make sense of everything more. .

HOME

Yeah, I am at home right now. . . meaning my parents house the home of my childhood. I am pretty much house sitting and watching my mom's dog (her baby) because they went to Chicago for the weekend. My brother isn't really here busy with the band stuff and all. Its actually pretty boring. . .today I woke up and ran on the treadmill downstairs, showered, took my brother to meet the rest of his band members so they could take off. Then I went to town and got a vanilla latte at Starbucks, got my car washed and then back home to get the cleaning and a bill to send. Then I drove back and dropped off the cleaning, mailed the bill, and got lunch. Came back here walked the dog it is so nice outside today! Now I just finished typing a reaction paper for my assignment when I got tested for HIV/AIDS. Which by the way I won't know the results untill this coming Friday, so keep worring about me, NO not really. . . there is no doubt what the result will be!

Anyway, so I got here last night and saw what the house is looking like since the main floor's remodeling process is concluding. It still won't be ready for Thanksgiving though, I guess we'll be going to St. L (at least we will be with family). I had a heated discussion with my parents. Pretty much I told my mom she doesn't understand anything about my life right now. How does she know what its like to be graduating from college and how scary it is to have to find a job and feeling like you are too young? I pretty much said you are so far removed that you can't even remember your last year of college, she said she did which I have no doubt. But I am 22 and my relationship with my parents has definately improved since when I was lets say in eigth grade, freshman, sophomore in high school. But at the same time how mature am I if at 22, I am still practically yelling at my mom saying, "you don't understand me or my life!" Thats kind of convicting and shows how much stress this whole last year of college thing is causing on me! But then my mom and dad both looked at my resume which I e-mailed to them before I printed it off and they were like its great! Well the career fair was yesterday on campus, which was pretty much useless to me I think. But get this last night both my mom and dad were telling me that I need to change or take out some things on my resume, why couldn't they do that earlier?! I checked on socialservice.com and apparently my resume has been viewed once on there. I am not sure how great of a service that is but we'll see if that goes anywhere?

Other than that I am reading de amor y de sobra right now by Isabel Allende en espanol. I have to say I am doing pretty good with it. I am actually really into the story which I thought there is no way I am going to get it that well because its in Spanish. Maybe my Spanish is better than I thought, but I am still using my dictionary a lot for new words. Remind me next time to give you guys a book review in Spanish. . . so all of you will want to pick it up and read this interesting story!

Later.

Awesome!

Today started off not so well. . . I woke up at 10:30, which happened to be the exact time that I was supposed to be at my advising appointment. Whoops! I e-mailed my advisor who was also my research professor last year immediately and was like sorry, can we do it this afternoon. She said yeah come by after 2, it all worked out but still how horrible was that! Its crazy to think that it was my last time meeting with an advisor for college. . . or at least undergrad. . . graduation is starting to knock on the door a little bit louder.

I read Valparaiso's blog today, and the latest post kind of hit home today for my life. I mean yeah have I been responsible enough to myself, God, my family everything lately or the last four years of college? I mean personally I feel like my relationship with God has not been where it has needed to be the last couple of months. Especially since school has started and my mind is been many different places.

I went to the campus ministry again tonight that I have been going to for the second part on the Holy Spirit. (Okay, I know some of you are already thinking "hombre guapo be careful, we don't want you getting mixed up in some crazy group where they speak in tongues all the time.") It was a really impacting message about busting through that box of what we think of as worship or knowing God! They aren't saying anything wrong, or anti-Bible okay. . . I am being cautious about it. I am still finding myself worshipping God there and being fed. Plus the group is quit diverse; international students and people from other races, which for me I find it quit refreashing! Then I was thinking about what was being shared tonight on the way home. . .

I decided to stop for gas and also call my friend from high school who I haven't talked to in a couple of months. We are really good friends, so its been kind of sad that I haven't talked to her in so long! She was happy to her from me, and said she has been praying for me for a while now. She is stretched pretty thin right now too with everything going on in her life though. It was nice to talk to her for almost an hour about everything and to catch up! I ended up driving around town while talking to her on the phone and ended up at the lake. . .

Let me tell you, the lake is one of my favorite places as some of you know. I haven't been there really at all this school year, which how sad is that?! Well, I talked to my friend while sitting on the guard rail of the road looking at the lake. It was pretty cool. . . but afterwards I had this awesome time with God just sitting out there and praying outloud and stuff! Lets just say it was good to have that time with my Lord!

I am also at peace right now about where God wants me post graduation. Through my time with him tonight, it kind of hit me that God has placed certain desires and dreams in our heart and is on our side! He wants to see us achieve those as a witness to Him. So as I was thinking about how I want to work with Hispanics and definately am considering moving to Texas or somewhere next year closer to the border. Well, for a while I was like is that what God wants though, am I just being selfious? And tonight God gave me a peace about that by telling me, "Hey I put this vision in you and set it in motion. . . maybe even six years ago and you didn't realize it then." I mean I have been studying Spanish for a while now, gone to Guatemala, God has given me a heart for people and for this population. He has given me the use of Spanish and of course He has led me to decide on working down in Texas somewhere or Arizona. (Not exactly sure on the specifics yet, but God is going to take care of it!) Praise God!

Life is one big journey of. . . whatever you make it I suppose.

For my social work practice class we have a Client Experience Project. All this means is that each student has to pick something that an actual client might do or go to and do it. Well, yesterday morning I drove to the big city and walked into of the free health clinics. I went in and simply said I need an HIV test. Okay, put your first name in a book and wait, it shouldn't be that long. I was not even expecting to get that far because I thought it was appointment only, so I said I'll keep going. Well I waited for about 20-30 minutes that was interesting. Finally, some young guy comes out and says, "Ty." Okay, so I go with him and as we are walking to the room he asked, "So why did you decide today that you needed to be tested?" Okay I cannot lie personally and for my class so I told him what I was doing. I was embarrassed and he was like no big deal. You should get the test anyway, its a good idea. I was like okay even though I have no risk at all of having it (believe me) but I'll get to experience the process. Ended up going to a room that looks like a therapist office or something and he asked me some questions (personal ones of course given the situation). I learned a lot and took a test orally. I had to hold a swab in my mouth for three minutes against my cheek, that was it! I'll find out the results in two weeks, but that was awesome because there were no needles or blood! Overall, considering the circumstances that people come in and get tested they make it fairly comfortable and helpful experience.

Then I am having resume issues. . . I sent a prelimenary resume to a guy in the career center to look over. Well, he e-mailed me back once saying you have some good information, blah, blah, blah but here is what I suggest. It will really enhance your resume, thats great! I made the changes and thought I made it look good and e-mailed it back to him to look over. He e-mails me back and it says, "I don't even know where to start on your resume." What the heck is that, he is paid to figure it out, He should be FIRED! He sent me a copy of someone's resume from last year to review and to go off. I don't get it because after looking at, her's and mine's resumes are not that different!

Life lesson this year: I am learning that some of the people that are supposed to be the most helpful to you sometimes, are not really helpful at all. Lets just say I am going to be thanking God! Someday that I am learning this now and not ten years from now in some highly stressful job situation!

Estoy muy bien. . . y tu?

Okay, well I am in a great mood right now and I need to go to bed!

Tonight I just finished a book called Fish, which I took from my practicum yesterday. My field instructor was not there yesterday and she has this book that looks very intriguing to me, so I took it and read it. She probably didn't even miss it, I'll just put it back tomorrow. Its all about how to make work fun and more enjoyable. There are four key ingredients: (1) Choose your Attitude, (2) Play, (3) Make Their Day - customers, clients, co workers, etc., and (4) Be Present. I read this book and was like that is so awesome, it wasn't just a boring book either about these are the concepts and we think you should do them. It was an actual story about a lady who was a department manager in her company and totally changed the department around. As I read this book, I am thinking has my field instructor read this book before because she could use this advice!

Monday night I went to a campus ministry and I really like it there! They started a two-parter on the Holy Spirit, and how awesome and exciting the Holy Spirit is when its in your life. I feel excited about going to a campus ministry for the first time in a long time, and am probably going to check out a small group. I don't know, I really need food spiritually and the excitement and being with other excited believers!

What else is new? I have decided that I am going to move South after graduation, South in like I mean Florida, Texas, California, Arizona, New Mexico but somewhere closer to the border. An area with a high number of Latinos because I really want to work with immigrants and use my Spanish speaking abilities. I am looking at cities right now such as San Antonio, Miami, Pheonix. And hello! Another benefit is of course the climate because I really don't like cold weather or winter I like the warm sun! This is a really exciting revelation to me lately and my parents seem to support this. I am almost done with my resume too so thats good and exciting to have down and done with!

I did have to call my mom again today after a conversation we had last night. She was in San Diego the past three or four days for meetings, conference but I am guessing she had a good time though. Anyway, she told me, "(my name) you can't change the world." Oh, okay one of my things is right now is please never say that to me. How do you know I am not going to change the world or at least change some part of the world? How has the world ever been changed if in the past the people that have changed the world had their family and friends always saying, "you can't change the world, you'll never do it!" Not that I am crushed by this or her statement, but just don't tell me that because first off you don't know if I am or not!

That is going to be it for now!

Dallas and Oh so much More!

Yes, I am writing in this pink like color today. . . if you have a problem with it. . . keep it to yourself!

This past Wednesday I skipped my last class and went with my friend to Dallas Texas until this last Saturday morning. It was a fun trip, but at the same time I have more to think about in someways afterwards. Funny how stuff like that works. Well, we drove most of the latter half of Wednesday and let me just say "NO MORE MOORE OKLAHOMA!" My friend who drove was going crazy in Oklahoma and it was almost scary. I on the other hand could not stop laughing at everything, including a sign that said "Liquid Assets" like meaning water and coffee bar thing or something. I definately looked at that sign and was thinking something else and was cracking up going down the interstate! We finally arrived at my friend's apartment about 1 that night and I was very out of it! I am sure I was quit entertaining for everyone involved!


Okay the main part of the trip was spent seeing some of Dallas, eating at good restaurants and catching up with friends. I did manage to go to four different Starbucks in two days, 3 in an 8 hour period. I got to see another friend that I know from church back at home and we went to high school together but not at the same high school. Well, we saw her at her apartment and then the two of us ended up studying/talking at Starbucks for a couple of hours. That was good, and I got work done. (I was even invited to Florida in the process!) If she happens to be reading this right now. . . . I am so going, haha! Then after her and I decided where we going to dinner after three decision changes we met some people for a great dinner. Except my friend ended up talking to her friend that the rest of us didn't know at all the whole time, I am not saying anything, but is that exactly mannerly? Then my friend and I met another couple in this shopping district area and rounded them up to go see a movie with us later. We saw an Indie Movie called, Everything is Illuminated. I really liked it and would like to see it again it was kind of deep. . . it took place in Ukraine and this boy from the US went back there to try to find the woman that saved his grandfather from the Nazis. Its a lot more to it than this. That was a good day hanging out and all that jazz!

One thing that hasn't really came out of this trip, but still kind of did in a weird way really makes me wonder. A lot of my friends I would say in the past year have been telling me this. For example, lets say I might like a girl and then someone will say that I think knows me pretty well, "Ty, usually the case that the girl is too good for the guy, but you are too good for her." huh? Granted yes I want someone thats going to blow me away, but when you hear people tell you this a lot lately its like, well then "Where is this girl that is good enough for me?" I mean I don't want to settle on just ordinary Susy or go "well I guess Susy is as good as I'll get, so why not?" but come on! I am not that good. . . that I am so high and mighty, its like people are putting me on an untouchable pedistal. I know they aren't, they truly care for me and want the best for me, but its been making me think.

Now here is my little plug about a country that is very dear to my heart and it is Guatemala! Guatemala is an essence a disaster zone in many areas right now. . . . probably a thousand people have died and complete villages are gone! Mainly Mayan villages which is even sadder. I have been there and have friends from Guatemala! What I am outraged about is the lack of media coverage for this country because of whatver reasons, which I am sure the media has its reasons! My friend's wife told me last night that thank God none of her family members have died but their crops are destroyed. The next concern is that they might not have food this next year! (Can you imagine for a second, you sitting in your apartment/home right now reading this, that your whole life is been shaken, your whole country and now you might not have food next year?) She is also pregnent right now and is expecting in two weeks and they have their own stress right now about issues arising from this. So, if you are reading this right now and care at all say a little Prayer up for the people and beautiful country of Guatemala!

So, the weather has been beautiful lately! The weekend was wonderfully Autumn like sunny, but cool. . . oh I love this time of the year! I can't wait till the leaves start changing color. This weekend I did some fun activities. . . Friday night I went to dinner with my friend from China. Then I had a fun time running around campus for about two hours on a giant scavenger hunt. (My team came in second out of three.) Then Saturday I spent the afternoon with some international students (all girls) at the Renissance Festival. I have never gone before and it was packed, I thought it was kind of neat. Plus it was fun hanging out with some of the international students and seeing how they reacted to it all. Then I played Texas Hold 'em Poker that night at a friend's house, but with no money. I won the first round, which was quit unexpected!

I have spent some considerable time last week and this weekend on a social problem analysis paper for my social policy class. Well, I chose illegal immigration which is a topic I am very interested in and passionate about. I want to work with illegal immigrants at some point and try to help them with all of the issues they face in this country. It is a hot button topic thse days and will continue to be until there is some kind of resolution. My views on this topic are more liberal and I tend to agree with the idea that we should legalize the illegal immigrants living in the United States. We need to set up a system with Mexico and other countries that creates a system where we will let people in an orderly way. We need to figure it out because right now who knows a terrorist could cross the border and that would be a nightmare on all sides of the issue. If we want to slow down or stop the masses from flowing in illegally why don't we do real things to help the economies of Mexico and these other countries? They are far worse off than we are in many ways, if we could help create more jobs there for the people they wouldn't all be coming here for money. Okay. .. . enough, I am just a college student who doesn't know anything about anything and especially how to solve major social ills!

Also, tonight I was sitting in a meeitng of the Christian group I am involved. Someone did a skit with juggling and about how our reality is different many times from what God's reality for us is. I thought that was very impacting because this year I have been thinking a lot about my future and what I am going to do after graduation in May. A lot of times I don't want to think about it because it scares me to death, where am I going to live, how am I going to get a job, will I like my job are all questions I struggle with. Yes, the reality is that I need to be prepared because it is coming but at the same time not worry about too much. Why get stressed, when God is going to take care of everything? God has been teaching me a lot lately that I need to just go back to Him and the relationship aspect of it with Him. I might need to pray more and find more time for Him, you know the relationship goes both ways. I have to do my part too, and I need to make sure I am keeping it up!

El verdad. . . is that I am feeling very tired, frustrated, upset, even angry, and sad right now, but okay!

Here are some of my reasons:
1) I pretty much went the whole day at my internship through a training meeting and everything else without caffeine. At the end of the day I finally gave in and asked some staff at the school if they had any coke and they were like yeah downstairs in the vending machine. They ended up giving me 60 cents, thank God! But I had a headache for a lot of the day and one coke was one of the highest moments of my day. . . how pittiful!

2) I missed the last episode of my favorite telenovela en espanol, se llama Inocente de Ti. I have watched it all the way untill the last episode which was tonight. . . and hopefully my friend was able to videotape it for me. I am going to get the tape and watch it tomorrow night I guess, but I was so upset that I couldn't watch the last episode tonight. I had to go to a meeting called "Watch D.O.G.S" at the school where my internship is. D.O.G.S stands for Dads of Great Students just so you all know. By the way I hope in Inocente de Ti all ended well for Florecita y Julio Alberto, una historia muy bonita!

3) And maybe the biggest reason: is today I brought up the issues that I have been having at my internship in a indirect/direct way up with my field instructor. You know I met with my field liaison the person above my instructor on Tuesday night, the other student. I felt like we made great progress and the internship would start to go better. She suggested to tell my field instructor that she sent us back our Learning Contracts and that she wanted them more specific and we should put in our ideas. Okay, great idea. . . because it makes it sound like the field liaison is behind all of this and not us the students. Well, I told my field instructor about the learning contract this morning and she like rolled her eyes. She was like why do we have to change them now they are pretty much the same ones we have been sending in for the past five or six years. She was not positive about this at all. Then I later told her the suggestion I thought of that the field liaison supposedly told me to offer. This idea is one that I am kind of passionate about and that is to write a letter and send it home to the parents that have kids in groups in both Spanish and English. This would help my Spanish and plus it is getting the parents still more active with their kids and whats going on. What was her response, well right off the bat she goes, "We don't invite parents. . . we've never done that. We don't want to or like to do that or something." She went on to explain if parents come to us or want to talk about whatever, then pretty much they come to us. She acts like what goes on in our groups should not be discussed outside of them, which I agree about protecting the kids in everything. But we aren't talking about real deep or personal issues with the kids, especially in group settings. GRRR! I am like why the heck not!? Isn't our mission about reaching out to better individuals, families, and the community! The saga continues. . .

I have so much to do!

Just wanted to share.

So, I just got back today from Fall Retreat with Campus Christians the group I am really involved in. Well, this retreat the theme was Worship. I think that it was a good experience, I learned some about the history of worship. My kids will probably not worship God the same way I do. Then there is one thing or thought that really stuck with me about communion that I have shared with some people.
Holy Communion or the eating of the bread and drinking of the spirit of the vine is done in rememberance of what Jesus did for me, us. Well the word "rememberance" is not used in the context of like oh I remember something that I forgot. Like we don't forget Jesus and his sacrifice and only remember it once a month or however often we take part in communion. No, the word "rememberance" means so much more its like remembering and feeling all of the emotions that make up your relationship with Jesus or the Father. The speaker used the analogy of an older lady who picked up a letter dated 1968 from her young husband at the time who was in Vietnam and dd not return from the war. She had not picked up that letter in 30 something years, but when she saw it and touched it everything came back and for her the letter symbolized a deep emotional connection to her husband that she loved so much. That is what communion signifies to the believer who partakes in the feast, a connection to our savior in a deep personal way!

Okay, I am not trying to offend anyone or push my beliefs on to anyone who might be reading this blog. I am not ashamed of my beliefs and will not be afraid to share what I have been learning about or what has impacted my life lately. My faith is a big part of the person I am! Thats all I have to say. . .